Preview Reviews: AA and Spiffy Discuss DC Comicbooks For July

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Preview Reviews: AA and Spiffy discuss DC Comicbook Solicitations for July 2008

Back in the days when we frequented my message board Comic Castle, David and I came together online each month (on a very timely and organized schedule and sometimes accompanied by Goki) to discuss the coming titles for the big two (it takes too much time to do anything more than that, and our apologies) in the only way we can: sarcastically, hilariously and with as little prerequisite knowledge of titles as possible. These humble and honest conversations were dubbed “Preview Reviews”. Behold, here’s our monstrous discussion of the DC books coming out this week. Be sure and wear a condom (to warn off any other horrible jokes like that one that may be incurred throughout this post). Enjoy, and watch out for fake Goki sightings!

Note: This will make a lot more sense and be far more enjoyable (or as enjoyable as 33 pages of text can be) if you follow along with us on Comic Book Resources, a very fine site indeed.

Pleasantries

MrStanza (5:20:59 PM): Sorry I’m so late. I spent all afternoon chasing a story I never really got


Auto Response from spiffygy (5:20:59 PM): “Life is hard, and so am I”
—The Eels


spiffygy (5:21:16 PM): Wow, you really are a reporter

spiffygy (5:21:20 PM): Just like Lois Lane!

MrStanza (5:21:37 PM): That’s as good of a segway as we’re going to get

spiffygy (5:21:47 PM): lol do you really want to start right off the bat?

spiffygy (5:21:52 PM): we can have a few more pleasantries

MrStanza (5:21:55 PM): I don’t know

MrStanza (5:22:07 PM): we’re not very pleasant people, really

spiffygy (5:22:17 PM): i was going to try for once

MrStanza (5:22:24 PM): ok, we can try

Our pleasantries went over Seattle weather, jobs at Wal-Mart (which apparently sucks as much as you’d think), vomiting and 4th of July, and that all led to this:

MrStanza (5:31:46 PM): hey, an Oklahoman invented the parking meter

spiffygy (5:32:02 PM): pfft

MrStanza (5:32:06 PM): I have no idea why that was the first defense that popped into my head

spiffygy (5:32:26 PM): me neither. was it your grandpops who did ?

MrStanza (5:32:44 PM): a better one would have been: we’re smart enough to get the Supersonics

spiffygy (5:32:58 PM): thats too obvious though

The First of Many Predictions

spiffygy (5:33:40 PM): Kershaw hasnt won in 16 professional starts

spiffygy (5:33:48 PM): (thats including minors, ‘natch)

MrStanza (5:34:08 PM): he never won in the minors?

MrStanza (5:34:12 PM): I did not know that

spiffygy (5:34:16 PM): he hasnt won in 16 starts, apparently

spiffygy (5:34:38 PM): hell win today though

MrStanza (5:34:45 PM): nope

spiffygy (5:34:50 PM): thatll be one of 7 glorious predictions of this chat

spiffygy (5:35:08 PM): youll see

spiffygy (5:35:13 PM): (thats #2)

MrStanza (5:35:23 PM): lol

[Editor’s Note: While that was one of 7 glorious predictions in this chat….Spiffy was dead wrong. Kershaw left with a no decision. Only at GGG do we talk comics and sports competently, but Spiffy pushes that boundary routinely by making horrid predictions].

spiffygy (5:35:44 PM): we can start now, i guess, unless you wanted to talk about the new trades (and i know you dont)

MrStanza (5:36:13 PM): I’m going to run to the bathroom. Want to prep the solits so we can get going?

MrStanza (5:36:25 PM): you’ll cancel them by the end of the chat anyway

spiffygy (5:36:40 PM): i will not

MrStanza (5:36:46 PM): we’ll see

spiffygy (5:36:49 PM): THEY ARE THERE UNTIL YOU REJECT THEM YOU HORSES ASS

MrStanza (5:37:14 PM): i’m not sure that warranted the all caps, but fine

MrStanza (5:37:19 PM): brb

spiffygy (5:37:20 PM): lol

spiffygy (5:39:39 PM): Who do you want to start with? Marvel, DC? And are we doing any others? If I could find a collective indy one, we could sort through it, but I doubt it

MrStanza (5:40:56 PM): I guess we can start with DC. I think we’ll have more to say naturally about Marvel, so that’ll keep us going if we start to lose steam late

spiffygy (5:45:53 PM): shall we begin?

spiffygy (5:46:00 PM): and prediction: this is going to be painful

spiffygy (5:46:13 PM): (thats #3)

MrStanza (5:46:22 PM): prediction: YOUR MOM

MrStanza (5:46:29 PM): (you’re right, this will be painful)

spiffygy (5:46:32 PM): and prediction: I’m going to put all these predictions in the post (#4)

DC Comics Solicitations for July, 2008

TRINITY #5-9

Written by Kurt Busiek and Fabian Nicieza
Art by Mark Bagley & Art Thibert, Mike Norton & Jerry Ordway, Tom Derenick & Wayne Faucher and Scott McDaniel & Andy Owens
Covers on issues #5-6 by Carlos Pacheco; covers on issues #7-9 by Andy Kubert
In month two of TRINITY, Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman — alongside their Justice League teammates — cross paths with the mysterious Konvikt and learn more about their fated connection within the DC Universe!
This month’s co-features focus on Hawkman, Gangbuster, John Stewart and the intriguing new psychic known as Tarot!


spiffygy (5:48:36 PM): A few things here. First, Trinity was a big letdown, judging from 2 issues. That may not be a big sample size, but for a weekly fucking title, I think it is

MrStanza (5:48:47 PM): I agree, judging from 0 issues

spiffygy (5:49:02 PM): And also: the intriguing new psychic is a bitch with tarot cards

spiffygy (5:49:11 PM): Which brings the title to all kinds of new levels of creativity

MrStanza (5:49:24 PM): How long is this title going to last anyway?

MrStanza (5:49:35 PM): When I heard the name Trinity, I assumed three issues

spiffygy (5:49:48 PM): I have no idea if its a mini series, a new title, just Busiek and DC jizzing in our faces or what

MrStanza (5:49:55 PM): Here we’re up to at least 9, which is a lot for a fucking weekly

spiffygy (5:49:57 PM): Thats the kind of information we should have, running a blog, but we sorely lack

spiffygy (5:50:02 PM): And thats part of our charm

MrStanza (5:50:18 PM): The same charm that this title is lacking in

spiffygy (5:50:21 PM): Exactly. I don’t know how long it’s going to last at this rate. I hope it’s not another 52.

spiffygy (5:50:37 PM): Also, who the fuck is Gangbuster?

MrStanza (5:51:12 PM): I think that’s Mary Marvel’s new codename

spiffygy (5:51:49 PM): Well that brings out all kinds of Marvel family gang banging images to my head

MrStanza (5:51:53 PM): Anyway, Busiek and Nicieza are two damn good writers, and there’s an impressive group of artists here, but somehow this book still managed to miss

spiffygy (5:52:24 PM): Who knows, it might be good, but its really hard to make a weekly title worth it. The two issues intrigued, and sounds like it has a bunch of guest stars, but I find it hard to care.

FINAL CRISIS #3

Written by Grant Morrison
Art and covers by J.G. Jones


Batman missing in action! Superman immobilized! Green Lantern on trial for his life!
A shadow is falling across Earth’s super heroes — and now it’s Wonder Woman’s turn to face the Evil Gods!
What bizarre warning from beyond awaits Frankenstein, The Question and the agents of S.H.A.D.E. in the shadows of the Dark Side Club? What grim fate lies in store for The Human Flame? What happens when the Anti-Life Equation hits the internet? Can the Fastest Men Alive outrun The Black Racer — Death himself? And who are the Justifiers?
The answers are all here as the unstoppable rise of evil continues in FINAL CRISIS #3 by Grant Morrison and J.G. Jones.

First (Of Many) Interruptions

MrStanza (5:52:57 PM): (brb, sorry)

spiffygy (5:53:02 PM): (ok)

spiffygy (5:53:42 PM): Well, despite ranking Final Crisis #2 as #1 in my weekly rankings from last week, I already find myself confused by the solit

spiffygy (5:54:01 PM): Just too much happening and too many goddamn questions for the solit writer to ask

spiffygy (5:54:21 PM): This should be simple: It’s Morrison. Jones. A lot of fucked up shit is happening that will change the DC Universe forever. BAM

MrStanza (6:00:11 PM): (fuck, sorry about that)

spiffygy (6:00:22 PM): (I only hate you a little bit)

MrStanza (6:00:36 PM): (you’re too good to me)

MrStanza (6:01:12 PM): Well, like Goki and I mentioned in our Crossovers post, Final Crisis is really struggling with accessibility

MrStanza (6:01:52 PM): I’ve liked a lot of what has happened, though I probably didn’t love #2 as much as you, but for an event of this magnitude, it still seems a little off

spiffygy (6:02:13 PM): I agree, I probably misranked #2

spiffygy (6:03:08 PM): Anyways, the end of #2 was pretty great, and I’m looking forward to #3, but I wish I new were the Gods were and all that

spiffygy (6:03:19 PM): knew*

spiffygy (6:03:31 PM): knew who the Gods were*, wow

MrStanza (6:04:06 PM): Obviously, FC #3 is a must-buy, but I can’t help but wonder if this will finish with the huge markings DC wants it to.

MrStanza (6:04:06 PM): *lol

MrStanza (6:05:13 PM): Maybe I’m out of the loop, but when did Frankenstein become part of the mainstream DCU?

spiffygy (6:05:29 PM): And when did he have any bearing on Final Crisis?

MrStanza (6:05:49 PM): As do they actually mean Frankenstein, or Frankenstein’s monster?

spiffygy (6:06:15 PM): I guess we’ll have to find out, and do you honestly think anyone in DC knows exactly what’s going on with this except Morrison?

MrStanza (6:06:28 PM): Maybe Robert de Niro knows

MrStanza (6:06:42 PM): he played Frankenstein’s monster in a rather unpopular film

spiffygy (6:06:44 PM): Except maybe an editor, but who the fuck is going to edit him? He wrote everything that he’s drawing from aside from the original Crisis

MrStanza (6:07:11 PM): Actually, he wrote that too

MrStanza (6:07:26 PM): Little known fact, Grant Morrison killed Marv Wolfman in the mid-1980s, then used him as a puppet to write many stories, until Morrison’s own rep was big enough

MrStanza (6:07:56 PM): Now you know

MrStanza (6:08:01 PM): AND KNOWLEDGE IS POWER

spiffygy (6:08:04 PM): YES

FINAL CRISIS: REQUIEM #1
Written by Peter J. Tomasi
Art by Doug Mahnke & Christian Alamy
Covers by J.G. Jones and Doug Mahnke


A very special FINAL CRISIS one-shot honoring the passing of a great hero who’s been a staple in the DC Universe for years. All that remains is one final memory that the League experiences together as they must fulfill his last wishes or die trying!

spiffygy (6:08:29 PM): You getting this?

MrStanza (6:09:30 PM): Definitely. I was annoyed by the seeming triviality of that staple’s death, so I’ll at least buy the one-shot highlighting the whole thing

MrStanza (6:09:38 PM): still, I have no clue who any of these creators are, which the obvious exception of Jones doing part of the cover art

spiffygy (6:09:50 PM): Mahnke is the guy who did art on the crappy Casey JLA run a few years back

MrStanza (6:09:55 PM): Oh god

MrStanza (6:10:00 PM): That was terrible

spiffygy (6:10:02 PM): Yeah, not exciting

MrStanza (6:10:25 PM): Well, I’ll probably be pissing away four bucks

spiffygy (6:10:36 PM): I kinda like the premise about the memory and fulfilling his last wishes, but yeah, for a “staple” of the DCU, they’re kinda throwing him/her out to dry here

MrStanza (6:10:58 PM): Agreed

spiffygy (6:11:29 PM): I don’t know whether I will buy it or not. I may wait to hear from you, but I can’t say I’m that excited about it, and until I hear otherwise I suspect this title is a way DC is cashing in on the staples death, which is sad

MrStanza (6:12:18 PM): I think you’re probably right, and I have a feeling I won’t be reporting overly postitively about it, but oh well. It still feels like I should get it

spiffygy (6:12:30 PM): haha, “reporting”

spiffygy (6:12:33 PM): you’re such a journalist

FINAL CRISIS: ROGUES REVENGE #1

Written by Geoff Johns
Art and covers by Scott Kolins


The critically-acclaimed FLASH team of writer Geoff Johns and artist Scott Kolins reunites for a tale of villainy and twisted justice tying in to FINAL CRISIS! Captain Cold and the Rogues were accessories to the murder of Bart Allen. They’ve become what they never set out to be — wanted! Wanted by the good guys, by former Rogue Pied Piper, and by the Secret Society of Super-Villains. But just as they try to disappear underground, good, old-fashioned revenge yanks them back. And where is the Flash during all of this? It’s a Crisis — take a guess.

MrStanza (6:13:46 PM): I have a feeling that both of us are more excited about this than the previous Final Crisis one-shot.

MrStanza (6:14:30 PM): Johns and Kolins paired up for one of the best Flash runs ever, so their return to the character automatically makes this a buy

MrStanza (6:14:30 PM): But there’s still a lot more to this

MrStanza (6:14:50 PM): For one, Johns wrote the Rogues as well as anyone has

MrStanza (6:15:11 PM): For two, there were the huge implications that FC #2 has for this one-shot

MrStanza (6:15:20 PM): For three, I like pie

MrStanza (6:15:21 PM): Your turn

spiffygy (6:15:44 PM): I agree on all accounts.

spiffygy (6:16:05 PM): I loved Johns/Kolins’ run on Flash for what I read, and they made me love Cold

spiffygy (6:16:08 PM): And all of them, really

spiffygy (6:16:25 PM): So I’m definitely looking forward to this, even if I didn’t really give a shit when the rogues made the appearance in #1

spiffygy (6:16:38 PM): I trust Johns, and it might be a refreshing change from Morrison, sorry to say.

spiffygy (6:17:07 PM): Because, you know, I’ll probably get it

MrStanza (6:17:20 PM): Agreed. Not that I don’t love Morrison, moreso than Johns usually, but a change of pace might be nice

AMBUSH BUG: YEAR NONE #1

Written by Keith Giffen & Robert Loren Fleming
Art by Giffen & Al Milgrom
Cover by J.H. Williams III
Variant cover by Giffen
The wait is over — everyone’s favorite Bug is back, courtesy of the original AMBUSH BUG team of Keith Giffen and Robert Loren Fleming! Cities will be destroyed! Cats and dogs will live in sin! Every unanswered question of the DC Universe will be answered! Live heroes will die and dead heroes will live! Okay, none of that actually happens, but join us anyway for this totally irreverent romp through the DC Universe as only Ambush Bug could give you!


spiffygy (6:17:33 PM): BWAHAHAH YEAR NONE!

spiffygy (6:17:38 PM): KEITH GIFFEN’S A GENIUS

spiffygy (6:17:59 PM): …..NOT

spiffygy (6:18:21 PM): Giffen is actually great on the JL stuff, but uh, since when is Ambush Bug everyone’s favorite bug?

MrStanza (6:18:39 PM): Yeah, I prefer…

MrStanza (6:19:05 PM): fuck, I’ve never heard of Ambush Bug, but yeah, he might be my favorite

spiffygy (6:19:28 PM): haha!

spiffygy (6:19:48 PM): Not a big fan of the original Avengers, I take it?

MrStanza (6:19:56 PM): Ant-MAN

MrStanza (6:20:17 PM): he wasn’t really a bug

MrStanza (6:20:43 PM): I’m assuming this thing/guy is

MrStanza (6:20:44 PM): which could be completely wrong

MrStanza (6:20:44 PM): But none of us will ever know, cause we won’t be buying this title

spiffygy (6:20:45 PM): For all you know Ambush Bug is a 12 year old half male half female he-she with a bigger cock than Hank Pym

spiffygy (6:21:07 PM): And troof, who really cares?

MrStanza (6:21:13 PM): If so, that should have been in the solit

MrStanza (6:21:19 PM): I might have bought it then

spiffygy (6:21:21 PM): NOTHING’s in the solit

spiffygy (6:21:34 PM): The whole solit is all the stuff that “happens” and then it says that NONE OF IT HAPPENS

spiffygy (6:21:53 PM): So basically they are relying on name recognition and “clever” solit writing for this title to sell

MrStanza (6:21:58 PM): But nice use of the phrase “irreverent romp”. But seriously, we’re seeing so far that DC might need to hire a new solit writer

spiffygy (6:22:24 PM): to be fair, ive never seen a bad use of the phrase “irreverent romp”, so i dont think thats impressive

MrStanza (6:22:34 PM): fair enough

HUNTRESS: YEAR ONE #5-6
Written by Ivory Madison
Art by Cliff Richards & Norm Rapmund
Covers by Matthew Clark
Driven to uncover a mob conspiracy in Gotham, Huntress runs afoul of Batman — and teaming up with Catwoman doesnt score her any points with him, either! Then, in the miniseries finale, the gripping origin story concludes! Huntress tackles a deadly plot to blow up Gotham City and forces a fateful rematch with her families killer!

spiffygy (6:22:59 PM): I almost skipped this one….but I think Goki may have bought like one issue of this. So….FOR GOKI!

MrStanza (6:23:13 PM): I have nothing against Huntress, she was very cool in Morrison’s JLA.

MrStanza (6:23:29 PM): But has she really been around long enough to be getting her own Year One mini?

spiffygy (6:23:44 PM): bwahaha

spiffygy (6:23:57 PM): Seriously, when was she created?

MrStanza (6:24:01 PM): They’re taking us back to the distant past of the 1990s

spiffygy (6:24:13 PM): Although she’s been in JLA and had her own cancelled show all since then!

spiffygy (6:24:40 PM): When are they going to make a REAL year one? Because year one of Huntress is her getting born and diapers

MrStanza (6:24:58 PM): lol

MrStanza (6:24:59 PM): troof

spiffygy (6:25:11 PM): That would be damn fun stuff

MrStanza (6:25:29 PM): OK, so apparently she was created in 1985

MrStanza (6:25:35 PM): but still

spiffygy (6:27:42 PM): So I guess Huntress has theoretically 22 years of history, but in comic time that’s about 12 weeks

REIGN IN HELL #1

Written by Keith Giffen
Art by Tom Derenick & Bill Sienkiewicz
Covers by Matthew Clark & Kevin NowlanIts all-out war for control of hell! This is the major event that changes the status quo for DC”s infernal realm as Lord Satanus sets out to dethrone Neron at all costs. As the battle begins, various parties are drafted into service — but will they choose to stand with the devil they know or a new and possibly worse evil? Friendships will be ruined, lives will be lost and allegiances will be forever changed.
Plus, a backup story feature starring Dr. Occult, who receives a shocking visitation on the eve of the war in hell!


spiffygy (6:28:22 PM): First off, is the guy really named Nowlanlt?

spiffygy (6:28:32 PM): lol

spiffygy (6:28:34 PM): no

spiffygy (6:28:40 PM): Its Kevin Nowlan, but the ppst worked wrong

spiffygy (6:28:51 PM): Kevin Nowlan….”It’s…

MrStanza (6:29:12 PM): Kevin NowlanIt sounds cooler

spiffygy (6:29:25 PM): Obviously

MrStanza (6:29:29 PM): without that name, this issue has very little going for it

spiffygy (6:29:52 PM): Well, I think a battle in Hell would be pretty cool, and Derenick and S-wicz are pretty sweet, but yeah, no thanks

spiffygy (6:30:02 PM): Who the fucks Neron?

MrStanza (6:30:12 PM): DC’s Mephisto

MrStanza (6:30:19 PM): but lamer

spiffygy (6:30:22 PM): troof

How to Pick Up The Ladies, According to Spiffy’s Sister

spiffygy (6:32:30 PM): Before we carry on, Spiffy is about to announce his new pick up line

MrStanza (6:32:42 PM): huzzah!

spiffygy (6:32:43 PM): Spiffy: Hey, how much does a polar bear weigh?

spiffygy (6:32:49 PM): Hot Girl: What the f–

spiffygy (6:33:01 PM): Spiffy: Enough to break the ice! Hi, I’m Spiffy!

MrStanza (6:33:14 PM): damn good

MrStanza (6:33:25 PM): If I were that hot girl, I’d be swooning

spiffygy (6:33:40 PM): You were

spiffygy (6:33:44 PM): Hot Girl: I’m David.

spiffygy (6:33:49 PM): Spiffy: Shit.

RANN/THANAGAR: HOLY WAR #3

Written by Jim Starlin
Art by Ron Lim & Rob Hunter
Cover by Starlin & HunterAdam Strange has a plan to snap the people of Rann out of their blind devotion of Lady Styx — but he better implement it fast, because an ancient evil force has been reawakened. Do our heroes stand a chance against the onslaught of Synnar?


spiffygy (6:34:26 PM): Starlin should retire. That’s all I have to say, whatever about this

MrStanza (6:34:39 PM): Everyone knows Jim Starlin used to kick serious ass. But how long has it been since he did something relevant?

MrStanza (6:34:49 PM): Fuck this, let’s move on

TITANS #4

Written by Judd Winick
Art by Joe Benitez & Victor Llamas
Cover by Ian Churchill & Norm Rapmund
The conclusion of the team’s first adventure features the return of their deadliest foe and the sacrifice of one of the Titans! Will the Sons of Trigon live up to their father’s expectations?


spiffygy (6:35:22 PM): Father of Trigon has a shitty ass name, thats what I think

spiffygy (6:35:36 PM): And remember when Ian Churchill was “cool”?

MrStanza (6:35:43 PM): Well, I bought the first issue of Titans, and I guess it was OK. It was cool to see the original team, Wally included, all together

MrStanza (6:36:07 PM): but I think that unless you’re seriously into Titans history, this is an easy pass

spiffygy (6:36:25 PM): And seriously into Judd Winick’s dick

spiffygy (6:36:35 PM): Yeah, I went there

MrStanza (6:37:03 PM): we all used to be into Winick’s dick

MrStanza (6:37:28 PM): but something changed. Perhaps he tried to shove it too far down our throats and our gag reflex went off

MrStanza (6:37:39 PM): whatever it was, his power over me is gone

DC SPECIAL: RAVEN #5


Written by Marv Wolfman
Art and cover by Damion Scott & Robert Campanella


In the final issue of Raven’s solo adventure, the Medusa Mask grows more powerful. Can Raven save her schoolmates and herself as well?

spiffygy (6:38:12 PM): So apparently, we have a Grant Morrison special on Raven

spiffygy (6:38:33 PM): Because as AA has us believe, Wolfman’s been dead since the 80s

MrStanza (6:38:39 PM): actually, no

MrStanza (6:38:47 PM): I said Morrison killed Wolfman in the 80s

MrStanza (6:39:33 PM): but little known fact: after Morrison became a superstar, he used Mark Waid’s magic sperm to revive Wolfman’s rotted corpse

MrStanza (6:39:37 PM): now you know

MrStanza (6:39:44 PM): AND KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE

Poor Cyborg

spiffygy (6:40:17 PM): Any objections to me skipping Cyborg?

MrStanza (6:40:23 PM): god no

spiffygy (6:40:31 PM): He’s not even a human being

MrStanza (6:40:49 PM): yeah, fuck you, Schwarzenegger

MrStanza (6:40:57 PM): can’t even spell that name

spiffygy (6:40:59 PM): He was an android, actually

spiffygy (6:41:03 PM): And I think you spelled it right

MrStanza (6:41:15 PM): fuck you too, mister robotics expert

spiffygy (6:41:22 PM): I did take a class on Cyborgs

MrStanza (6:41:37 PM): I took a class on Goki’s mom

MrStanza (6:41:41 PM): but let’s move on

spiffygy (6:41:43 PM): YES

TEEN TITANS #61

Written by Sean McKeever
Art by Carlos RodriguezCover by Eddy Barrows & Ruy Jos


Kid Devil’s out to prove himself, but that won’t stop the latest object of his contempt from getting in the way! In the tradition of Tango & Cash, Starsky & Hutch, and Turner & Hooch comes this instant buddy classic! You’ve already read The Blue and The Gold — Is the world ready for — The Red and the Blue?

spiffygy (6:42:18 PM): This solit brings up something very important to the world’s continued survival: When is Turner & Hooch going to come back?

MrStanza (6:42:27 PM): What the fuck is going on in the Titans miniverse?

spiffygy (6:42:37 PM): And who the fuck is Kid Devil?

MrStanza (6:42:56 PM): There’s about to be four titles, and they all sound like crap

spiffygy (6:43:06 PM): And also: McKeever’s an awesome writer (Sentinel), so I dont blame him too harshly

MrStanza (6:43:22 PM): no, I’ve read a little of him too and mostly agree

MrStanza (6:43:30 PM): but still, things are getting out of hand

spiffygy (6:43:40 PM): But yeah, why the fuck do the Titans have 4 titles anyways?

MrStanza (6:43:51 PM): only one, Tiny Titans, is passable

spiffygy (6:43:57 PM): Troof

spiffygy (6:44:03 PM): No way should they have more titles than the JLA

BATMAN #679

Written by Grant Morrison
Art by Tony Daniel & Sandu Florea
Cover by Alex Ross
Variant cover by Daniel


Batman R.I.P. — Part 4! Robin and Damian team up — yes, you read that right — to search for the missing Batman. Meanwhile, the Club of Villains — The Hunchback, Pierrot Lunaire, King Kraken, Charlie Caligula, Scorpiana and El Sombrero — rampage through Gotham City! This incredible fourth chapter of Batman R.I.P. ends with the surprising return of a character you never thought you’d see again!

MrStanza (6:44:48 PM): I’m not really sure I love this story very much, but I can’t stop buying it

spiffygy (6:45:02 PM): Yeah, the first two issues have been pretty good, but nothing great so far

MrStanza (6:45:08 PM): It bothers me that Robin is the only name I recognize in this solit

MrStanza (6:45:16 PM): do they mean Damian from The Omen?

spiffygy (6:45:20 PM): I wish

spiffygy (6:45:26 PM): They mean Batman’s “son”

MrStanza (6:45:31 PM): I’d lovee to see some sweet Gregory Peck action in this title

spiffygy (6:45:46 PM): He’d be a better villain than the Hunchback

spiffygy (6:45:52 PM): Seriously, AWFUL villain names

spiffygy (6:45:59 PM): El Sombrero? Really?

MrStanza (6:46:00 PM): lame

MrStanza (6:46:04 PM): very much agreed, but the end of the solit still has me intrigued

spiffygy (6:46:16 PM): It’s Alfred’s wife

MrStanza (6:46:26 PM): well, there you go. no need to buy the book now

spiffygy (6:46:27 PM): Or the first Robin, Which are actually one in the same

MrStanza (6:46:48 PM): the first Robin was Dick, and I think we still see Nightwing a lot

spiffygy (6:47:04 PM): My bad, the first dead one

MrStanza (6:47:04 PM): but yeah, Jason Todd is the first person I thought of too

spiffygy (6:47:05 PM): lol

spiffygy (6:47:23 PM): Keeping track of Robin’s is about as easy and fun as keeping up with all the Titans titles

MrStanza (6:47:39 PM): Ouch

SUPERMAN #678

Written by James Robinson
Art by Renato Guedes & Jose Wilson Magalhas
Cover by Alex Ross


James Robinson’s run on SUPERMAN continues as the battle for Metropolis between Superman and the long-vanished Atlas rages on. It’s full-scale war, mano a mano, in the streets of the city.
Plus: the secret of where Atlas has been and how he ended up in the modern age is revealed! And if that weren’t enough, who is the shadowy figure pulling the titan’s strings?

spiffygy (6:48:51 PM): Well fuck, I didn’t like part 1, but there’s a shadowy figure?! And he’s pulling the strings? You mean a big fucking moron from a different era ISN’T the main draw?

spiffygy (6:49:18 PM): I’m already back to not giving a rats ass about Superman

MrStanza (6:49:23 PM): Well, I didn’t hate Robinson’s first issue, but I have no fucking clue who Atlas even is

MrStanza (6:49:44 PM): so it’s pretty up in the air as to whether i’ll get this

spiffygy (6:50:17 PM): You’re just a sucker for dogs

MrStanza (6:50:29 PM): guilty

spiffygy (6:50:37 PM): And speaking of creators who are probably dead…

TOR #3
Written by Joe Kubert
Art and cover by Joe Kubert
The epic journey of Tor continues, courtesy of legendary writer/artist Joe Kubert!
Tor meets up with a strange — and beautiful — companion, and the two journey to the underworld to confront a group of mindless beasts. Will a horrible monster not only end the new friendship but Tor’s quest as well?

spiffygy (6:50:52 PM): Tor’s GETTING LAID

spiffygy (6:50:56 PM): Huzzah

MrStanza (6:51:03 PM): has there ever been as good of a character name as Tor?

MrStanza (6:51:14 PM): yes: Gangbuster

MrStanza (6:51:19 PM): but still, it’s good

spiffygy (6:51:19 PM): Who woulda thought it was as easy as removing an ‘h’ from Thor?

spiffygy (6:51:27 PM): I always knew Thor had TOO MUCH

spiffygy (6:51:50 PM): Seriously, I bet this is cool, and Kubert is a creator I really want to read some of eventually

MrStanza (6:52:07 PM): but not now

spiffygy (6:52:17 PM): Prediction #5: The horrible monster WONT end Tor’s quest, sorry to ruin it readers, but I’m just that good

Fuck Dan Jurgens (Unless It’s Booster Gold)

spiffygy (6:52:46 PM): I’m going to ignore “Tangent Comics”

MrStanza (6:52:50 PM): please

spiffygy (6:52:54 PM): Because I dont even want to think about what the fuck that even means

MrStanza (6:52:59 PM): agreed

spiffygy (6:53:00 PM): Im guessing a fancy Elseworlds

MrStanza (6:53:14 PM): it’s Dan Jurgens, so who cares

THE WAR THAT TIME FORGOT #3

Written by Bruce Jones Cover by Mark Schultz
Art by Al Barrionuevo & Jimmy Palmiotti


Akisha, the soldier from the future, reveals some details of her background — but she’s still searching for answers to her present! Stranded with Enemy Ace and the others on a hostile island, will any of them live long enough to learn the truth about the war that time forgot?

spiffygy (6:53:43 PM): lol, wow that solit made me NOT care about this title more than any others so far

MrStanza (6:53:52 PM): I was going to say something about this, but I forgot

MrStanza (6:53:52 PM): HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

spiffygy (6:54:38 PM): And maybe Akisha doesnt want to reveal details about her background, but maybe we could get some details about…you know….THE WHOLE DAMN WAR THAT TIME FORGOT?

MrStanza (6:54:48 PM): if you’re looking for more insight from me, I think I used it all up on that killer joke

spiffygy (6:55:04 PM): I thought you were mocking me with the haha’s, but good, you just suck

MrStanza (6:55:20 PM): agreed

spiffygy (6:55:35 PM): *insert ominous music here*

THE JOKER’S ASYLUM: THE JOKER #1
Written by Arvid Nelson
Art by Alex Sanchez
Cover by Andy Kubert
THE JOKER’S ASYLUM: PENGUIN #1
Written by Jason Aaron
Art and cover by Jason Pearson
THE JOKER’S ASYLUM: POISON IVY #1
Written by J.T. Krul
Art and cover by Guillem March
THE JOKER’S ASYLUM: SCARECROW #1
Written by Joe Harris
Art and cover by Juan Doe
THE JOKER’S ASYLUM: TWO-FACE #1
Written by David Hine
Art and cover by Andy Clarke


A cast of top creators lends their talents to THE JOKER’S ASYLUM — a special month-long, weekly series of one-shots starring the greatest villains in Batman’s rogues gallery.


Each issue tells a special stand-alone story that gives readers an inside look into the insane lives of the Dark Knight’sgreatest adversaries. And all the stories are narrated by the Asylum’s leading homicidal maniac — The Joker!


Hey Kids! Goki!

MrStanza (6:56:35 PM): The solit says “a cast of top creators,” but the only one I’ve ever heard of is Kubert, who’s overrated and only doing one cover anyway. So another shitty solit

spiffygy (6:56:53 PM): Yeah exactly, that’s a very loose definition of “top creators”

spiffygy (6:56:58 PM): About as loose as Goki’s mom, to be frank

MrStanza (6:57:32 PM): and on that note, we now would like to introduce our special guest star, Gokitalo!

spiffygy (6:57:52 PM): Goki: YES

MrStanza (6:58:02 PM): Goki is currently is Europe, but he’s sending psychic messages through Spiffy and I

MrStanza (6:58:28 PM): Goki: I are bad nerd, need get me comics more soon

MrStanza (6:58:41 PM): Thanks for stopping by, Goki!

spiffygy (6:58:41 PM): Goki: And stop talking about me mum

spiffygy (6:59:01 PM): Anyways, you know, its just what we needed: MORE JOKER AND BATMAN VILLAIN STORIES

spiffygy (6:59:28 PM): I’d make fun of DC, but it actually makes sense because of you know, Joker starring in the new Batman movie I think people might be seeing around this time

spiffygy (6:59:51 PM): I mean maybe, I dont think its a big deal

MrStanza (7:00:02 PM): there’s a new Batman movie?

MrStanza (7:00:07 PM): craziness

spiffygy (7:00:11 PM): Yeah, you’d think they’d market that more?

BATGIRL #1

Written by Adam Beechen
Art by Jim Calafiore & Jonathan Glapion
Cover by Andy Clarke


Fresh from appearances in BATMAN AND THE OUTSIDERS, the enigmatic Cassandra Cain stars in this six-issue miniseries written by Adam Beechen (COUNTDOWN, ROBIN) with pencils by Jim Calafiore (GOTHAM UNDERGROUND)!
Now that Batgirl has finally gained Batman’s trust, it’s time to conquer her inner demons and prove herself to the rest of the world. This six-issue epic will take Cassandra on an intense, personal journey involving friends, family and foes!

MrStanza (7:00:57 PM): does she conquer the inner demon that makes her a damn mute?

spiffygy (7:00:58 PM): Im glad Cassie’s (can I call her Cassie?) finally gained Batman’s trust. It’s only been 5 years since she started or whatever

spiffygy (7:01:15 PM): Wow, low blow

spiffygy (7:01:33 PM): But seriously, Batman couldn’t take her serious without her taking care of that. Batman hates cripples (and lets ignore the fact that he loves the Oracle)

MrStanza (7:01:39 PM): i’m sorry, but I’ve always lived by one simple rule: if you can’t talk, you’re dead to me

MrStanza (7:01:53 PM): keep that in mind, Helen Keller

spiffygy (7:02:11 PM): Helen Keller needs a new title as much as Turner & Hooch do

spiffygy (7:02:20 PM): Which means, she really needs one

MrStanza (7:02:31 PM): personally, I think Hooch should go solo

MrStanza (7:02:42 PM): he carried Tom Hanks’ bony ass

spiffygy (7:03:12 PM): And now it’d be a lot tougher for him to do so, because Hank’s ass is now fat

spiffygy (7:03:18 PM): About as fat as Goki’s mom, actually

spiffygy (7:03:31 PM): (I’d say that I’ll stop with Goki’s mom jokes, but it’s the only humor we have)

DETECTIVE COMICS #846
Written by Paul Dini
Art by Dustin Nguyen & Derek Fridolfs
Cover by Nguyen
A Batman: R.I.P. issue — and part 1 of the 5-part story The Return of HushI
Readers who were surprised by Catwoman’s return last month haven’t see anything yet as Hush makes a dramatic return to the life of Batman. What will this mean for Bruce Wayne? This epic story kicks off the countdown to DETECTIVE #850!

MrStanza (7:04:11 PM): Frankly, I have no desire to see the return of Hush

spiffygy (7:04:22 PM): I thought they milked enough out of Hush already? Jesus

MrStanza (7:05:08 PM): “Hush” was the most brilliant Batman story ever for 9 issues, then completely bit with the conclusion

MrStanza (7:05:08 PM): (or however long that story was)

MrStanza (7:05:13 PM): let’s just forget all that stuff and the character

spiffygy (7:05:26 PM): I honestly forgot the conclusion

spiffygy (7:05:35 PM): Maybe I blacked it out?

MrStanza (7:05:40 PM): maybe

spiffygy (7:05:57 PM): And just in time for Harvey Dent’s time on the big screen….he pulls a “Huntress”

TWO-FACE YEAR ONE #1

Written by Mark Sable
Art by Jesus Saiz & Jimmy Palmiotti
Cover by Mark Chiarello
In a time of corruption and greed, the only force keeping Gotham City from collapsing into utter chaos included Assistant District Attorney Harvey Dent, a cop named Jim Gordon, a vigilante known only as Batman — and a mysterious group of untouchable crimefighters working outside the law. Be here to witness the beginning of a legacy, when a meeting between Gotham’s Finest and Gotham’s Vilest spawn the protectors who will safeguard Gotham’s future, as well as the monster who will try to burn it to the ground.


Don’t miss the start of this exciting 2-part miniseries featuring one of The Dark Knight’s most fearsome foes!

MrStanza (7:06:27 PM): Speaking of overmilking a concept…

spiffygy (7:06:34 PM): Gotham’s Finest and Gotham’s “Vilest”—sweet word play, sir

MrStanza (7:06:40 PM): How many Year Ones is DC going to have?

spiffygy (7:06:58 PM): And how many of them are actually interesting, to boot?

spiffygy (7:07:16 PM): I haven’t read Green Arrow: Year One, but come on, thats going to be awesome. But Two Face and Huntress?

MrStanza (7:07:40 PM): Coming in July: the premiere of Batman’s newest foe, the Crime-inator!

MrStanza (7:07:59 PM): Coming in August: The Crime-inator: Year One

spiffygy (7:08:12 PM): lol

BATMAN: GOTHAM AFTER MIDNIGHT #3
Written by Steve Niles
Art and cover by Kelley Jones
The Dark Knight investigates the artifacts stolen by Scarecrow and Man-Bat, only to learn that they are for use in a black mass — yet neither criminal is versed in the dark arts. Plus, the monster known as Midnight strikes again, and Clayface has emerged anew, determined to return the citizens of Gotham to the Earth — by ingesting them!

spiffygy (7:09:20 PM): Why is Clayface all over the place? He’s in Trinity, Final Crisis, this story? Was he always this big a deal? Was he Hush, too? I bet he was

MrStanza (7:09:24 PM): I’ll leave it to you to comment on this. It sounds completely uninteresting to me, but you seem to like it

spiffygy (7:09:30 PM): I do like it

spiffygy (7:09:43 PM): Its nothing amazing so far, but I really dig Jones’ art, and I like the darker tones of Batman

spiffygy (7:09:49 PM): And want this to be sweet

spiffygy (7:10:08 PM): Its sad that Moon Knight is darker and better than any Batman story I’ve read in awhile

MrStanza (7:10:56 PM): yeah, but to be fair, “night” is in his title. It has to be dark

MrStanza (7:10:56 PM): HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

spiffygy (7:11:05 PM): thanks for that

CATWOMAN #81

Written by Will Pfeifer
Art by David Lopez & Alvaro Lopez
Cover by Adam Hughes
Catwoman’s on the run in Gotham City once more. Can she stay one step ahead of Batman while trying to turn the tables on the man who’s destroyed her life?


spiffygy (7:11:00 PM): This is apparently the last issue, FYI

MrStanza (7:11:12 PM): Who knew/cared?

MrStanza (7:11:14 PM): RIP Catwoman

spiffygy (7:11:26 PM): Actually, Catwoman has always been a solid title

spiffygy (7:11:31 PM): It was AWESOME the two times I picked it up

spiffygy (7:11:42 PM): And Adam Hughes draws beautiful women, look at that cover

MrStanza (7:12:10 PM): eh, Goki’s mom is hotter

MrStanza (7:12:27 PM): OR

MrStanza (7:12:39 PM): eh, I’ve made out with 45-year-old women hotter than that

MrStanza (7:12:41 PM): OR

spiffygy (7:12:46 PM): (BWAHAHAH)

MrStanza (7:13:24 PM): The gerbil that used to live in my cousin Walter’s ass was hotter than that

spiffygy (7:13:33 PM): Wow, Mallrats reference

spiffygy (7:13:43 PM): We get nerd points for that

MrStanza (7:13:43 PM): yeah, I was losing steam, and good

spiffygy (7:13:50 PM): And hey, it’s the guy writing the REQUIEM ish..

NIGHTWING #146
Written by Peter J. Tomasi
Art by Don Kramer & Sandu Florea
Cover by Andy Kubert
Nightwing confronts Talia and the evil Doctor Creighton at a deserted castle on the banks of the Hudson River. Strange alliances are formed and new enemies are made as “Freefall” comes to its unbelievable and tragic conclusion.

spiffygy (7:14:06 PM): And wow another Kubert cover….

MrStanza (7:14:18 PM): fuck Kubert

spiffygy (7:14:24 PM): Don’t you love Nightwing?

spiffygy (7:14:26 PM): Buy his title AA

MrStanza (7:14:35 PM): yeah, I guess i kinda do

MrStanza (7:14:48 PM): but it’s going to be “tragic”

MrStanza (7:14:55 PM): that’s a bad starting point

spiffygy (7:15:10 PM): And unbelievable, so I guess its too tragic to even comprehend

spiffygy (7:15:26 PM): PS. I like Kubert’s cover, so bite me

spiffygy (7:15:38 PM): And hey, a Dixon sighting!!

ROBIN #176

Written by Chuck Dixon Cover by Freddie E. Williams II
Art by Chris Batista & Cam Smith
A Batman: R.I.P. story! The shocking conclusion that will start of the rest of Tim Drake’s life — or is it the end? With Batman missing, Robin becomes the new Dark Knight. It’s Robin and Spoiler in an all-out brawl with Gotham City’s underworld — but with Batman’s trail growing cold, the end of this fight will decide the future of the Bat family!


MrStanza (7:16:12 PM): Apparently it’s a shockingly unbelievable month for the Bat titles

spiffygy (7:16:20 PM): Figures, its movie time

MrStanza (7:16:33 PM): and since this doesn’t say “Last issue,” I’m betting it’s not the end of Tim Drake’s life

spiffygy (7:16:52 PM): PREDICTION: he’s right (#6)

spiffygy (7:17:12 PM): I have to admit, this solit impresses me, it actually makes me interested, and sound so epic

MrStanza (7:17:13 PM): you’re going through those predictions awfully quickly

spiffygy (7:17:30 PM): But one thing: how much of a prick is Robin going to look like when Batman returns?

spiffygy (7:17:36 PM): Batman: I’m the Dark Knight.

spiffygy (7:17:51 PM): Robin: Uh, oh. Oh. Uh…..My bad, I waited like 12 minutes.

spiffygy (7:18:09 PM): Batman: I dis-adopt you.

spiffygy (7:18:12 PM): Goki: YES

MrStanza (7:18:14 PM): lol

MrStanza (7:18:59 PM): P.S. Freddie E. Williams II sounds like a guy I’d like to hang out with

spiffygy (7:19:08 PM): Wow, good call

MrStanza (7:19:13 PM): maybe Cam Smith too

spiffygy (7:19:25 PM): Naw, guys named “Cam” arent worth it

MrStanza (7:19:29 PM): but I have a feeling only in small doses with Cam

spiffygy (7:19:35 PM): Exactly

ACTION COMICS #867

Written by Geoff Johns
Art by Gary Frank & Jon Sibal
Cover by Frank
In “Brainiac” Part 2 of 4, Brainiac arrives in Earth’s orbit as the specter of death begins to close in on Superman. The Man of Steel has fought Brainiac many times before, but he’s utterly unprepared for his old foe this time. And if that weren’t enough, thousands of invader probes have been launched with the sole mission of destroying all technology on Earth! Dramatic changes are ahead for Superman, and it all starts with this attack!


MrStanza (7:20:13 PM): Exactly what does Superman do to “prepare” for a foe?

spiffygy (7:20:22 PM): (lmao)

MrStanza (7:20:26 PM): His fighting strategy is pretty simple:

MrStanza (7:20:31 PM): 1. Fly

MrStanza (7:20:35 PM): 2. Punch

MrStanza (7:20:43 PM): 3. Fuck Lois at super speed

spiffygy (7:20:50 PM): (wow I was going to put that in if you didnt)

MrStanza (7:20:58 PM): how is he so fucking underprepared for Brainiac?

spiffygy (7:21:01 PM): 4. Avoid kryptonite

spiffygy (7:21:28 PM): Truth, and also. Here’s another flaw: “The Man of Steel has fought Brainiac many times before”

spiffygy (7:21:37 PM): Why the fuck do we need another battle?

spiffygy (7:22:04 PM): I’d say we need more new villains, but if all Morrison can come up with is The Hunchback, Im guessing thats really the only reason we get all these guys again and again

spiffygy (7:22:07 PM): People are too lazy

spiffygy (7:22:20 PM): Of course, Brainiac is pretty cool

MrStanza (7:22:28 PM): yeah, it’s not too hard to come up with new villains

MrStanza (7:22:40 PM): I came up with Crime-inator off the top of my fucking head

MrStanza (7:22:48 PM): and that was fucking golden

MrStanza (7:22:58 PM): especially the hyphen

spiffygy (7:23:00 PM): lol i laughed out loud there

MrStanza (7:23:06 PM): all cool villains have hyphens

spiffygy (7:23:21 PM): How cool would Brain-iac be?

spiffygy (7:23:29 PM): Or better yet, Bra-niac

MrStanza (7:23:30 PM): like the Anti-Monitor, and Doc-Tor Doom

MrStanza (7:23:46 PM): (who, coincidentally, is related to TOR)

spiffygy (7:23:48 PM): Wow who knew Tor was inside so many of us

SUPERMAN/BATMAN #50
Written by Michael Green & Mike Johnson
Art by Ed Benes
Cover by Ethan Van Sciver
Variant cover by Ed McGuinness & Dexter Vines
Celebrate fifty blockbuster issues with this extra-sized extravaganza as we reveal the untold tale of Thomas Wayne’s meeting with Jor-El and how it shaped Gotham City’s future! You don’t dare miss this one!
The past was just prologue for this latest adventure of the World’s Finest duo as an ancient Kryptonian artifact is uncovered, unleashing past and present dangers that may alter the duo’s future. Not even the guest-starring Titans will be able to save them! This issue also features a variant cover by the original SUPERMAN/BATMAN art team of Ed McGuinness & Dexter Vines!

spiffygy (7:24:28 PM): If only this was written by THE “Mike & Mike”. Seriously, I dont think you should ever put two writers together with the same name. Period.

MrStanza (7:24:32 PM): Wow, DC has gotten 50 issues out of this premise

MrStanza (7:24:36 PM): I’m a little impressed

spiffygy (7:24:49 PM): I’m depressed at the fact that so many people bought it

MrStanza (7:25:30 PM): I’m a little compressed at the idea of a rock falling on me

MrStanza (7:25:46 PM): (I was just hoping to continue the –pressed theme)

spiffygy (7:26:05 PM): Fuck the pressed theme

MrStanza (7:26:22 PM): Good point. We all remember what happened when Stan Lee and Stanley Kubrick teamed up

MrStanza (7:27:04 PM): We got a Full Metal Jacket of Excelsior up our asses. And I don’t even know what that would mean, but it’d be unpleasant

spiffygy (7:27:24 PM): P.S. How awesome a name is Dexter Vines?

spiffygy (7:27:31 PM): And true dat

MrStanza (7:27:56 PM): he’s no Freddie E. Williams II

SUPERGIRL #31
Written by Kelley Puckett
Art by Drew Johnson & Ray Snyder
Cover by Stephane Roux
Following her startling decision last issue, where does Supergirl go from here? Her relationship with Superman is shattered, and for the first time in her young life, Supergirl finds herself truly alone. But with a new day comes a new threat and a new ally — enter: Empress, last seen in YOUNG JUSTICE!

spiffygy (7:28:26 PM): What do you think her startling decision was?

MrStanza (7:28:34 PM): She’s a lesbo

spiffygy (7:28:34 PM): Do you think she’s keeping Clark’s baby?

MrStanza (7:28:48 PM): well, our two guesses seem to conflict

spiffygy (7:28:49 PM): That was my first guess, but Supes never seemed homophobic to me

spiffygy (7:29:05 PM): So I think he’s pissed that she’s keeping the baby and putting him up shit creek

spiffygy (7:29:19 PM): But seriously woman, BUCK THE FUCK UP

spiffygy (7:29:23 PM): We’re all ALONE.

spiffygy (7:29:30 PM): L

MrStanza (7:29:32 PM): maybe just Goki

spiffygy (7:29:38 PM): Wow, ouch

MrStanza (7:29:47 PM): Goki: I are not alone!

MrStanza (7:30:12 PM): Wow, I’m an ass. Let’s move on

spiffygy (7:30:13 PM): But seriously, I’d be happy losing a relationship with Supes

spiffygy (7:30:27 PM): The guy’s such a ‘tard and so perfect, how could you live with yourself?

spiffygy (7:30:41 PM): Especially if you know you have his baby inside you, which we both know is the best guess

MrStanza (7:31:04 PM): Whatev. She’s lezzing out hardcore

MrStanza (7:31:13 PM): Her new ally is named the Empress?

MrStanza (7:31:14 PM): Come on

MrStanza (7:31:24 PM): I mean

spiffygy (7:31:26 PM): She’s a new threat AND a new ally

MrStanza (7:31:28 PM): COME ON

spiffygy (7:31:32 PM): YES

MrStanza (7:31:48 PM): a threat to her sexuality, and an ally to her clit

MrStanza (7:31:51 PM): it all adds up

spiffygy (7:31:57 PM): LMAO

spiffygy (7:32:10 PM): What if she’s NOW a lezbo because she was so hurt at the fact that Clark left her, and swore off boys forever

spiffygy (7:32:11 PM): BINGO

spiffygy (7:32:14 PM): Empress comes over

spiffygy (7:32:30 PM): And they get some “young justice” going and some young juices flowing

MrStanza (7:32:55 PM): INDEED

BLUE BEETLE #29

Written by Matthew Sturges
Art and cover by Rafael Albuquerque
New series writer Matthew Sturges (JACK OF FABLES, HOUSE OF MYSTERY) comes aboard to kick off “Boundaries” with returning series artist Rafael Albuquerque! As Blue Beetle struggles to establish himself as the protector of El Paso and Cuidad Juarez, he finds himself thrown into the heart of the immigration struggle, made all the more complicated by the involvement of Intergang — and another, more mysterious, figure. Coming at you straight outta Texas, Sturges takes our hero into new territory as Beetle works out his responsibilities as both a hero in the DC Universe and a citizen of a border town.


spiffygy (7:33:17 PM): Willingham doesn’t write Jack of Fables?!

MrStanza (7:33:23 PM): It’s co-written

spiffygy (7:33:52 PM): Ah, he’s the Fraction to Willingham’s Brubaker

MrStanza (7:34:02 PM): But to the bigger issue, what kind of hero are you if you have to struggle to establish yourself as the protector of El Paso and Ciudad Juarez?

spiffygy (7:34:21 PM): A really good one

spiffygy (7:34:34 PM): El Paso is a rough place.

MrStanza (7:34:43 PM): and yes, it should be Ciudad, not Cuidad as the solit says. DC really does need a new solit writer

MrStanza (7:34:48 PM): *not

spiffygy (7:34:58 PM): Good catch

MrStanza (7:34:59 PM): lol, I made a typo making fun of a typo

spiffygy (7:35:11 PM): Only a real fuck up could do that

MrStanza (7:35:19 PM): that’s me!

spiffygy (7:35:28 PM): But seriously……..BRING BACK TED

MrStanza (7:35:35 PM): AGREED

THE ALL-NEW ATOM #25

Written by Rick Remender
Art by Pat Olliffe & John Stanisci
Cover by Ladronn
Out of place, out of time and out of hope, Ray Palmer and Ryan Choi face the Worm-Man from the sub-atomic prison world of Lady Chronos! Will Ryan make the ultimate sacrifice so Ray and the rest of Ivy Town can live to see another day?


spiffygy (7:35:50 PM): This is also the final issue

spiffygy (7:36:05 PM): So maybe Ray does make the ultimate sacrifice?

MrStanza (7:36:20 PM): I like how there’s no mention of Ray dying

spiffygy (7:36:29 PM): Well yes, that’s not the ultimate sacrifice

MrStanza (7:36:30 PM): just someone named Ryan that we’ve never heard of

spiffygy (7:36:40 PM): Good point

spiffygy (7:37:09 PM): Then I don’t give a shit if he’s going to make the ultimate sacrifice

spiffygy (7:37:18 PM): Who the fuck is Ryan Choi?

spiffygy (7:37:19 PM): Lame.

spiffygy (7:37:25 PM): and seriously WORM MAN?!

MrStanza (7:37:27 PM): I like Atom, and I used to be a big fan of Olliffe, but wow, just can’t care about any of this

spiffygy (7:37:30 PM): WORM MAN?!

MrStanza (7:37:30 PM): exactly

spiffygy (7:37:43 PM): If Ray can’t survive the Worm Man, then fuck, he deserves to die

spiffygy (7:37:59 PM): Prediction: He survives another day (#7)

MrStanza (7:37:59 PM): Crime-inator could kick Worm Man’s ass

spiffygy (7:38:04 PM): No shit

spiffygy (7:38:24 PM): We both know Worms can’t deal with hyphens

BATMAN AND THE OUTSIDERS #9

Written by Chuck Dixon
Art by Julian Lopez & Bit
Cover by Doug Braithwaite
Metamorpho finally makes the trip back to Earth — only to be immediately arrested! And while Katana and Batgirl attempt to break Rex out of a Paris jail, they also manage to abduct a mysterious astronaut! Plus: don’t miss the return of the former Outsider called Looker!


MrStanza (7:39:06 PM): i can only assume this series is a take-off on Benny and the Jets

MrStanza (7:39:19 PM): but while that’s a great song, I’m not sure it makes for a great comic

spiffygy (7:39:54 PM): I’m guessing Looker is a former Outsider because a) she sucks b) she’s a whore c) like me they all thought she was a hot girl named Looker, but turned out to be a creepy 23 year old man peeping tom

MrStanza (7:40:11 PM): lol

MrStanza (7:40:59 PM): probably has some relation to former Ram’s wide receiver Dane Looker

An unknown failure occurred.

An unknown failure occurred.

An unknown failure occurred.

spiffygy (7:40:42 PM):

An unknown failure occurred.

spiffygy (7:40:50 PM): weird

spiffygy (7:40:53 PM): I cant paste the next solit

spiffygy (7:41:12 PM): Talk about a cock tease

MrStanza (7:41:15 PM): guess that’s a sign we should skip it

spiffygy (7:41:18 PM): “An unknown failure occurred.”

spiffygy (7:41:29 PM): Poor Birds of Prey

spiffygy (7:41:35 PM): But we don’t fuck with fate

MrStanza (7:41:43 PM): wow, i can’t either

MrStanza (7:41:51 PM): God hates Birds of Prey

spiffygy (7:41:57 PM): And so should you, reader

THE BRAVE AND THE BOLD #15

Written by Mark Waid
Art and cover by Scott Kolins
The siege of Nanda Parbat continues as Green Arrow and Deadman get some much-needed assistance from Nightwing and Hawkman!


MrStanza (7:42:11 PM): …Nanda Parbat?

spiffygy (7:42:31 PM): Waid and Kolins is maybe the best creative team I’ve heard so far…..and what?

spiffygy (7:42:48 PM): Its a helluva name certainly

MrStanza (7:43:00 PM): I assume Nanda Parbat is some Asian prostitute

MrStanza (7:43:13 PM): but why is she being sieged?

spiffygy (7:43:18 PM): And apparently so confounding that GA and Deadman need BOTH Nightwing and Hawkman, I dont know if Im impressed or saddened by Dead and GA’s lack of prowess

spiffygy (7:43:41 PM): Seriously, villain names SUCK

MrStanza (7:44:01 PM): and how good of a prostitute must she be if FOUR heroes come to her rescue?

MrStanza (7:44:01 PM): including a dead guy

MrStanza (7:44:01 PM): damn, that is talent

MrStanza (7:44:01 PM): have you tried sucking ectoplasmic cock?

MrStanza (7:44:08 PM): it’s hard

spiffygy (7:44:23 PM): literally

spiffygy (7:44:33 PM): just like I am right now

MrStanza (7:44:42 PM): my bad

spiffygy (7:44:45 PM): Want to comment on the fact that Waid and Kolins are the team here?

MrStanza (7:44:50 PM): sure

MrStanza (7:44:55 PM): That’s a helluva team

MrStanza (7:45:03 PM): (good contribution AA)

spiffygy (7:45:05 PM): lol

BOOSTER GOLD #1,000,000
Written by Geoff Johns & Jeff Katz
Art and cover by Dan Jurgens & Norm Rapmund
Meet the greatest time-traveling hero of the year 1,000,000 A.D. — PETER PLATINUM! Lost in time, Booster Gold is confronted by a hero a million times more self-involved than himself. But if Booster does find his way back to the present, Batman will be waiting for him.

MrStanza (7:45:36 PM): Wow, I had no idea there’d been so many Booster Gold issues

spiffygy (7:45:48 PM): It’s been going on since 1453

MrStanza (7:45:55 PM): this is certainly a milestone achievement

spiffygy (7:45:58 PM): And thats definitely not enough months

MrStanza (7:46:01 PM): and great math skills, Spiff

spiffygy (7:46:04 PM): lol

spiffygy (7:46:14 PM): It has a special schedule, ass

spiffygy (7:46:22 PM): Check wikipedia, it started then

MrStanza (7:46:27 PM): every few seconds?

MrStanza (7:46:34 PM): that is a good schedule

spiffygy (7:46:41 PM): I mean it is Johns

MrStanza (7:46:42 PM): good math AA, too

spiffygy (7:46:56 PM): But let’s stop embarrassing ourselves and embarrass the solit writer: A million times more self involved than himself? Unless he has “locked-in” syndrome, I don’t know if thats possible. And nothing about ALS is funny….

MrStanza (7:47:56 PM): I’m not sure how ALS came up, but RIP Lou Gehrig

MrStanza (7:48:00 PM): We miss you blue

spiffygy (7:48:23 PM): Locked In is the final stage of ALS in a lot of cases

spiffygy (7:48:30 PM): Learned that in my cyborg class too, remarkably

MrStanza (7:48:36 PM): well, I learned something today

MrStanza (7:48:50 PM): AND KNOWLEDGE IS BETTER THAN SOME BLOWJOBS

spiffygy (7:48:56 PM): Note: SOME

spiffygy (7:49:34 PM): And P.S. Booster Gold might be my favorite DC title, so everyone buy it

THE FLASH #242

Written by Tom Peyer
Art and cover by Freddie E. Williams II
The Flash takes the twins to Gorilla City on their first international mission, and the round-the-world trip becomes an adventure in itself! Plus, the upheavals at Keystone News result in a huge discovery — one that could blow the Wests cover for good!


spiffygy (7:49:06 PM): It’s YOUR BOY

spiffygy (7:49:54 PM): Freddie E does a good Kolins impression, judging by his cover

MrStanza (7:50:15 PM): troof

MrStanza (7:51:02 PM): But Freddie is actually quite the chameleon. If he were doing JLA, he’d look like Howard Porter. If he was on Fantastic Four, he’d be fucking Jack Kirby

spiffygy (7:51:35 PM): Impressive. Art on FF and fucking Kirby.

MrStanza (7:51:38 PM): I’m talking about Freddie because I have no idea what’s up with Flash these days, and I don’t care much, even though Freddie is a comic god

spiffygy (7:52:05 PM): Its depressing that a “Gorilla City” exists, and thats my only comment

GREEN ARROW/BLACK CANARY #10

Written by Judd Winick
Art by Mike Norton & Wayne Faucher
Cover by Cliff Chiang
Speedy and the shady Dodger are up against the League of Assassins by themselves — until Batman joins in. And along the way, the Dark Knight lets them in on Ra’s al Ghul’s involvement in the assassination attempt on Connor Hawke!


MrStanza (7:52:37 PM): thank god, Batman wasn’t in nearly enough titles

spiffygy (7:53:19 PM): He makes Goki’s mom look like a prude, and the Flash look…slow

MrStanza (7:53:34 PM): that was rude

MrStanza (7:53:50 PM): You’re rude, Mr. Spiffy

spiffygy (7:54:58 PM): Anyways, I kinda enjoyed #9, and I think I will buy #10, because I’m as big a whore as Batman

spiffygy (7:55:10 PM): And I want to live and love Green Arrow again

MrStanza (7:55:16 PM): makes sense

spiffygy (7:55:21 PM): HELP ME DO THAT WINICK

MrStanza (7:55:31 PM): are Ollie and Dinah married now or something?

spiffygy (7:55:41 PM): I believe so

MrStanza (7:55:51 PM): well, there you go

INFINITY INC. #11
Written by Peter Milligan
Art by Matt Camp
Cover by Pete Woods
To the world at large, he’s Doctor Bud Fogel, outspoken critic of Infinity Inc. and anything connected with Lex Luthor’s Everyman Project. But Fogel also goes by a much deadlier name. The Infinity kids are desperate to learn his secret, but to do so they’ll first be drawn into the dark net of the Dark Side Club!

spiffygy (7:58:35 PM): Any guesses about Fogel’s deadlier name?

spiffygy (7:58:40 PM): McLovin?

spiffygy (7:58:47 PM): Fagel?

MrStanza (7:59:00 PM): the Bud-meister?

MrStanza (7:59:12 PM): no, he doesn’t sound cool enough for a hyphen

spiffygy (7:59:17 PM): He sounds terrible

spiffygy (7:59:21 PM): And fuck Infinity Inc

spiffygy (7:59:26 PM): Milligan should do better

MrStanza (7:59:27 PM): so does this comic

MrStanza (7:59:36 PM): fuck Milligan

spiffygy (7:59:40 PM): Fair enough

GREEN LANTERN #33

Written by Geoff Johns
Art by Ivan Reis & Oclair Albert
Cover by Reis. GREEN LANTERN: SECRET ORIGIN Part 5 of 6! Hal and Sinestro continue to battle Abin Sur’s killer, but will these two Green Lanterns become enemies before they become friends? And what strange secrets within Abin Sur’s power ring concern the massacre of Space Sector 666?


spiffygy (8:00:10 PM): Abin Sur sounds too close to Apocalypse

MrStanza (8:00:40 PM): Well, it’s q fairly good book, but this has been a fairly lame story

MrStanza (8:00:40 PM): and also, to answer the solit writer’s question about whether Hal and Sinestro will become enemies

MrStanza (8:00:40 PM): YES, YOU FUCKING MORON

MrStanza (8:01:02 PM): And Abin Sur was created before Apocalypse, so that’s Marvel’s fault if so

MrStanza (8:01:26 PM): but yeah, if you want to wait to pick this book up until Blackest Night, i won’t blame you

MrStanza (8:01:35 PM): but that story promises to be cool

spiffygy (8:02:06 PM): Well, I’m not going to do either

spiffygy (8:02:13 PM): I could give a shit

spiffygy (8:02:26 PM): I wouldn’t know head from ring if I tried

MrStanza (8:02:38 PM): good, I’d hate to think you were constipated

MrStanza (8:02:45 PM): HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

GREEN LANTERN CORPS #26

Written by Peter J. Tomasi
Art and cover by Patrick Gleason & Drew Geraci
It’s the action-packed conclusion of Ring Quest! Kyle, Guy, Sodam Yat, Arisia, Soranik and other members of the Green Lantern Corps wage an all-out battle against Mongul and the mysterious Mother Mercy.


spiffygy (8:03:44 PM): So, apparently Tomasi is kind of a big gun. He’s up to three titles including Requiem

MrStanza (8:03:56 PM): Well, I bought #25, not really realizing what it would be about

MrStanza (8:04:22 PM): Mongul was more of a bit player, and the only reason I got it was because I thought he’d be the focus

spiffygy (8:04:37 PM): This sounds like he’s more involved

MrStanza (8:04:47 PM): He’s a great villain, but yeah, whatever

MrStanza (8:04:59 PM): I’ll wait to buy more of this title until the crossover

JONAH HEX #33
Written by Jimmy Palmiotti & Justin Gray
Art and cover by Darwyn Cooke
A special issue drawn by Eisner Award-winning artist Darwyn Cooke (DC: THE NEW FRONTIER, THE SPIRIT)! Jonah Hex travels to Canada on the trail of his latest bounty. But with the Mounties hot on his heels, this isn’t going to be an easy job.

spiffygy (8:06:18 PM): I don’t really have anything to say about this, except WHY CANT Cooke work on a title someone cares about?!

spiffygy (8:06:29 PM): If he’s an Eisner award winner, get him on something other than Jonah Fucking Hex

MrStanza (8:06:43 PM): I really don’t have anything to say about this even more so

spiffygy (8:08:00 PM): Hey kids! Jim Shooter!

THE LEGION OF SUPER-HEROES #44
Written by Jim Shooter
Art and cover by Francis Manapul & Livesay
Variant cover by Neal Adams
On planet Velmar V, the invincible Ikilles has already trashed Timber Wolf and Shadow Lass. Now, the Legion’s last hope is — Invisible Kid?! Meanwhile, while the rest of the weary, wounded Rimbor Team fights an army of heavily armed Science Police, Atom Girl squares off against the vicious Commodore. And on Earth the mysterious M’Rissey awes everyone with his unexpected power!

MrStanza (8:08:12 PM): jesus, we’re really doing this one?

spiffygy (8:08:16 PM): lol

MrStanza (8:08:20 PM): OK, I’ve got something

spiffygy (8:08:38 PM): How is this on 44?

MrStanza (8:08:48 PM): If you combine the names of Timber Wolf and Shadow Lass, you get my first AIM name

spiffygy (8:09:08 PM): Timber Lass!

spiffygy (8:09:11 PM): Those were the days

JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA #23

Written by Dwayne McDuffie
Art and cover by Ed Benes


It’s all-out Amazon fury against Amazo! Wonder Woman is the last Leaguer standing against the souped-up android — and the prize is Red Tornado’s body!

spiffygy (8:11:49 PM): I almost thought about skipping this, because man, I dont remember a time when JLA was less important

MrStanza (8:12:25 PM): Agreed. To be fair, i know nothing of the work of Dwayne McDuffie, but what happened to getting a big name to write JLA?

MrStanza (8:12:48 PM): It’s supposed to be your flagship title

spiffygy (8:12:49 PM): Ed Benes draws a great chick (Birds of Prey), thats all I know

MrStanza (8:12:54 PM): And we’ve gone from Morrison and Waid to a guy named Dwayne

spiffygy (8:13:23 PM): Well he does have a cooler name

spiffygy (8:13:55 PM): But yeah, I cant really afford another title, but I’d like to be reading JLA, because while I’m a much bigger Avenger fan, I think I started JLA first

We’re Slow As Fuck

MrStanza (8:16:21 PM): (When you get back, I think we need to pick up the pace a bit. We’ve gone 3 hours and aren’t even though DCU)

spiffygy (8:19:46 PM): i know we suck

spiffygy (8:19:54 PM): lets finish DC and call it a day

MrStanza (8:20:00 PM): ok

JUSTICE SOCIETY OF AMERICA ANNUAL #1

Written by Geoff Johns
Art by Jerry Ordway
Cover by Alex Ross
Welcome to Earth-2! Power Girl has made a life for herself on our world, as a member and chairwoman of the Justice Society of America and as a hero in her own right.
But she’s never stopped dreaming of one day returning to her Earth — the parallel world where the members of the Justice Society were the only heroes. Where her best friend was Helena Wayne, the daughter of Batman. And where evil was a little easier to fight wasn’t it? As her greatest wish comes true, Power Girl’s about to find herself back on Earth-2, surrounded by friends she thought she’d lost forever.


spiffygy (8:20:50 PM): I kinda like the story behind this one

MrStanza (8:20:57 PM): The last issue of JSA finally really impressed me, but as for this…I just hate Power Girl

spiffygy (8:21:15 PM): I always kinda liked her, but it was mostly her big fack

spiffygy (8:21:18 PM): rack lol fack

MrStanza (8:21:26 PM): Yeah her fack is HOTT

WONDER WOMAN #22
Written by Gail Simone
Art by Aaron Lopresti & Matt Ryan
Cover by Lopresti
Ends of the Earth Part 3 of 4! Trapped on a world where her powers have betrayed her and brutal combat rules the day, Wonder Woman struggles to survive long enough to complete her unholy quest. But will victory cost Wonder Woman her soul? Featuring the long-awaited return of some of the most savage characters in DCU history, not to mention all-out war between Diana’s Gorilla Knights and the Department of Metahuman Affairs!

spiffygy (8:21:53 PM): I love Gail Simone….but Wonder Woman? Meh. DO COMEDY AGAIN GAIL

spiffygy (8:21:57 PM): And do me, come to think of it

MrStanza (8:22:04 PM): Simone, Lopresti and Ryan is a helluva team too

MrStanza (8:22:14 PM): and Gail Simone is like 60

spiffygy (8:22:18 PM): Really?

spiffygy (8:22:21 PM): Even better

MrStanza (8:22:22 PM): fuck if i know

MrStanza (8:22:25 PM): she could be

spiffygy (8:22:27 PM): Ass

MrStanza (8:23:30 PM): (OK, I did a google image search of Simone, and she’s not 60, but not really hot either)

spiffygy (8:23:47 PM): (im still down for it)

spiffygy (8:23:49 PM): Well first, everyone who hasnt read it, buy this:

GOTHAM CENTRAL VOL. 1: IN THE LINE OF FIRE HC

Written by Ed Brubaker & Greg Rucka
Art and cover by Michael Lark


The first ten issues of the Eisner and Harvey Award-winning series is collected in hardcover for the first time! Written by Ed Brubaker (Captain America) and Greg Rucka (DETECTIVE COMICS, 52), this series pitted the detectives of Gotham City’s Special Crimes Unit against the city’s greatest villains — in the shadow of Batman himself.

MrStanza (8:24:05 PM): Well, we were both big fans of GC

MrStanza (8:24:16 PM): so, buy this. You’ll like it

TINY TITANS #6
Written by Art Baltazar & Franco
Art and cover by Art Baltazar
New pals Blue Beetle and Supergirl stop by the Titans Treehouse, only to find most of the Tiny Titans away on a field trip. Good thing a few lesser-known heroes are still at school! Plus: follow Raven and Trigon through a typically crazy morning.

spiffygy (8:24:54 PM): Art Baltazar is the coolest name ever

spiffygy (8:25:03 PM): And shit, Blue Beetle’s in this issue

MrStanza (8:25:03 PM): Well, this is one of my favorite books on the market

spiffygy (8:25:16 PM): Look at the cover and try to be mad

MrStanza (8:25:40 PM): I really like how it combines strong characterization, stunning plot twists, and classic fart jokes

MrStanza (8:25:58 PM): what more do you need in a comic? Hell, what more do you need in LIFE?

spiffygy (8:26:06 PM): Super Friends #5 has monkey business, and nothing, except a piece of Gail Simone

SCOOBY-DOO #134
Written by Robbie Busch, Jymn Magon and John Rozum
Art by Karen Matchette, Roberto Barrios & Leo Batic
Cover by Robert Pope & Scott McRae
The first official Scooby issue of the summer is here! Daphne’s got some fashion tips, and Shaggy’s got some tips of his own — like, if there’s a full moon, stay inside!

spiffygy (8:26:54 PM): I love how the end is written like he talks

spiffygy (8:27:02 PM): It’s FUCKING BRILLIANT

MrStanza (8:27:04 PM): I’m not even going to make fun of this

MrStanza (8:27:16 PM): I love Scooby Doo, always have and always will

MrStanza (8:27:28 PM): Nothing done with the character can ever be wrong to me

MAD #492

Written and illustrated by The Usual Gang of Idiots
School’s out — time to stop hiding the latest issue of MAD behind your math book!


spiffygy (8:28:14 PM): Mad’s been around since the time of Booster Gold’s first issue

MrStanza (8:28:26 PM): Well, that’s quite a solit

MrStanza (8:28:48 PM): but apparently has a poorer release schedule

spiffygy (8:28:50 PM): Who doesn’t love the usual gang of idiots?

STORMING PARADISE #1

Written by Chuck Dixon
Art and cover by Butch Guice


It’s 1945, and Europe lies in ruins, the Nazi war machine defeated. As the United States looks east to the last remaining Axis power and the final push in a long war, a miscalculation in the Manhattan Project results in annihilation of the team of scientists developing the American atomic bomb. America’s only remaining option is Operation Olympus — the invasion of Japan! But the bloody, island-hopping campaign that brings American forces to Japan’s doorstep won’t prepare the G.I.s for the horror they will face as women, children and the few surviving Japanese soldiers begin the grim preparation for repulsion.
This brutal, revisionist look at the second World War could only be handled by master storytellers Chuck Dixon (ROBIN, TEAM ZERO) and Butch Guice (ACTION COMICS, Daredevil). Every angle of this conflict will be touched upon, from the infantry storming the beaches to the Army Air Corps bombing the home islands of the Empire of the Rising Sun to the desperate struggle of the Japanese to save their culture from annihilation, as the true meaning of “war is hell” is explored in full.

spiffygy (8:29:51 PM): You guys say Dixon’s great at Bat titles, but I find it hard to want to buy him doing some revisionist War comic

spiffygy (8:29:55 PM): Guice is a great artist, too

MrStanza (8:30:14 PM): jeez, this sounds brutal

spiffygy (8:30:22 PM): It even says so

MrStanza (8:30:26 PM): probably not in a good way

CHUCK #2

Written by Peter Johnson, Zev Barow and Scott Rosenbaum
Art by Jeremy Haun and Phil Noto
Cover by Phil Noto
The hit NBC television series continues taking the comics world by storm! Chuck Bartowski and his friends continue their globe-trotting, action-packed adventure as things spiral further out of control. Will Chuck survive his first trip to Japan or will the sexy, sword-wielding assassins on his trail be the end of him?


This issue features a backup story written by Chuck Co-Executive Producer Scott Rosenbaum and illustrated by Phil Noto.

spiffygy (8:30:45 PM): The NBC series Chuck rules, that is all

MrStanza (8:30:47 PM): FUCK CHUCK

MrStanza (8:30:52 PM): ha, I rhymed

MrStanza (8:30:55 PM): so I win

EX MACHINA #38

Written by Brian K. Vaughan
Art by Tony Harris & Jim Clark
Cover by Harris
Who is the mysterious female adventurer named Trouble, and what’s her problem with George W. Bush? More important, whose side is the politically independent Mayor Hundred on?


spiffygy (8:31:13 PM): This is my nominee for the best title I don’t read

MrStanza (8:31:39 PM): It’s my nominee for best title with EX in it

MrStanza (8:31:52 PM): take that, Excalibur!

MrStanza (8:32:01 PM): even though you’ve been cancelled for some time!

THE ALCOHOLIC HC

Written by Jonathan Ames
Art and cover by Dean Haspiel


Jonathan A. is a boozed-up, coked-out, sexually confused, hopelessly romantic and, of course, entirely fictional novelist who bears only a coincidental resemblance to real-life writer Jonathan Ames, critically acclaimed author of Wake Up, Sir!, The Extra Man and What’s Not to Love?
For the fictional Jonathan, writing and drinking come easy. The hard parts of life are love and hope. From a touching relationship between Jonathan and his aging great aunt, to an inebriated evening with an amorous, octogenarian dwarf, to the devastating aftermath of 9/11, Ames’s first original graphic novel, with gritty, poignant art by Dean Haspiel (THE QUITTER), tells a story at once hilarious, excruciating, bizarre and universal, about how our lives fall to pieces and the enduring human struggle to put things back together again.

spiffygy (8:32:28 PM): I hope nobody reading Tiny Titans stumbles upon this one

MrStanza (8:32:38 PM): (lmao)

spiffygy (8:32:52 PM): This actually sounds fairly incredible

MrStanza (8:33:04 PM): I should get this, just because I’m well on my way to being an alcoholic myself

MrStanza (8:33:09 PM): so any inside info would probably be a good thing

spiffygy (8:33:16 PM): Hey, me too, in fact, I’m drinking right now

spiffygy (8:33:58 PM): And anyone expecting us to do 100 Bullets can fuck themselves, we’ll do that when it gets to its last issue in 7 months, by which time our blog will be so big we will have someone else pretending to be us and doing all our work for us

MrStanza (8:33:59 PM): there you go. Watch Brian Azzarello post on the blog now

MrStanza (8:33:59 PM): This book about an alcoholic comes highly recommended by the next generation of alcoholics

spiffygy (8:34:37 PM): And just in case we didnt have enough drug abuse in Vertigo…

HEAVY LIQUID HC

Written by Paul Pope
Art and cover by Paul Pope


Paul Pope’s Eisner Award-nominated epic is collected in hardcover for the first time, completely recolored, with bonus sketch material. Meet S a man addicted to “heavy liquid” a substance that’s both drug and art form, in a future New York that’s a sci-fi metropolis.

spiffygy (8:35:35 PM): If your name was one letter, what would it be?

MrStanza (8:35:39 PM): I like that this book is about addiction, written by a guy named Pope

spiffygy (8:35:51 PM): Good catch

MrStanza (8:36:27 PM): I’d pick Ñ

MrStanza (8:36:39 PM): you?

spiffygy (8:36:51 PM): I don’t know yet

spiffygy (8:36:57 PM): I’ll give you my letter at the end

MrStanza (8:37:03 PM): fair enough

spiffygy (8:37:07 PM): Talk about keeping the reader on the edge of the seat!

spiffygy (8:37:10 PM): If your name was one letter, what would it be?

spiffygy (8:37:13 PM): lol whoops wrong paste

MrStanza (8:37:20 PM): lol!

FABLES #75
Written by Bill Willingham
Art by Mark Buckingham & Steve Leialoha
Cover by James Jean Don’t even ask us the title, because it’s a secret! Have you ever read those new-comics blurbs that promise things like, After this issue nothing will ever be the same again, but you know in a few months none of those so-called big events will have mattered? Well, this isn’t one of those times. This time when we say FABLES will never be the same again after this issue, that’s a promise you can take to the bank. So, without further ado: After this issue of FABLES, nothing will ever be the same again. Oh, and someone dies.

MrStanza (8:37:33 PM): finally, that’s a damn well-written solit

spiffygy (8:37:57 PM): Wow, and I believe it

spiffygy (8:38:02 PM): And I love the end “Oh, and someone dies”

spiffygy (8:38:06 PM): So nonchalantly

spiffygy (8:38:07 PM): Pricks

MrStanza (8:38:41 PM): I love this book more than I care about Spiffy’s life, and while that’s not saying much, this issue is still my #1 Must-Buy for July

spiffygy (8:38:49 PM): L

JACK OF FABLES #25

Written by Matthew Sturges & Bill Willingham
Art by Russ Braun & Andrew Pepoy
Cover by Brian Bolland Let’s face it: You already know what’s going to happen in this issue. Jack’s going to do something smarmy, some creepy guy will do something creepy, an egg will explode, and a little blue pig will pontificate on weighty matters while wearing a brassiere on his head. Just another typical chapter in the life of Jack of The Tales. In this issue, however, we learn a bit more about the lovely young librarian Robin Page, and find out why she does the things she does. It’s part one of a new story, even!


MrStanza (5:22:40 PM): I’ve read 1-5 of this book in trade, and I really enjoyed it (no shocker there). I doubt I’ll be able to catch up on the rest of the issues by the time this one comes out, but I’ll get it anyway

spiffygy (5:22:59 PM): Can you tell any difference in the title with Sturges’ involvement?

MrStanza (5:23:10 PM): No

MrStanza (5:23:34 PM): It’s kinda like JSA when it was Goyer/Johns vs. just Johns

spiffygy (5:23:37 PM): I really like how the solit was written, actually. And it definitely makes me want to get onboard. But the original Fables series will take precedence

MrStanza (5:23:47 PM): it’s hard to tell what kind of contribution the other guy makes

spiffygy (5:23:53 PM): Talk about a guy who went on to bigger and better things (Goyer)

spiffygy (5:23:57 PM): It really is

spiffygy (5:24:07 PM): He gets first billing in the solit, curiously enough

MrStanza (5:24:15 PM): yeah, that is weird

MrStanza (5:24:37 PM): one thing I don’t like: cover by Brian Bolland

spiffygy (5:25:02 PM): He did The Killing Joke, right? Why the dislike?

MrStanza (5:25:08 PM): up until a few issues ago, James Jean was handling the cover duties for this book as well, but that seems to have stopped

spiffygy (5:25:23 PM): Ah okay. But Bolland still delivers the works

MrStanza (5:25:34 PM): and Bolland’s cover actually looks cool, so I’m not dissing him

MrStanza (5:25:47 PM): but I’d like at much Jean out on the market as possible

MADAME XANADU #2
Written by Matt Wagner
Art and cover by Amy Reeder Hadley
Variant cover by Michael Wm. Kaluta
The mystery behind Madame Xanadu’s past and future continues! The fair enchantress Nimue has the power to see the future but is blind to the hearts of men — all promises are poison, and betrayal is her only hope as the world falls apart around her.

MrStanza (5:26:49 PM): The first issue of this book was really good, and this series highly intrigues me

spiffygy (5:27:16 PM): I really like the art based on the cover, and your review for #1 definitely made me regret that I bought Superman instead

spiffygy (5:27:26 PM): I should never take any mainstream book over a Vertigo title in a toss up

MrStanza (5:27:59 PM): yeah, Amy Reedy Hadley, who I’d never heard of, is very impressive, despite being slightly different for a Vertigo comic

spiffygy (5:28:13 PM): And sidenote: What is with comics and variant covers and alternate covers? It’s like the 90s all over again: theres almost 2 covers for each issue we’ve done…and this is Madame Zanadu for chrissakes

MrStanza (5:28:42 PM): you continue to have trouble with X/Z differential, but otherwise, valid point

spiffygy (5:29:03 PM): And I always will

spiffygy (5:29:13 PM): How is Hadley different from the usual Vertigo comic?

MrStanza (5:30:12 PM): Well, most Vertigo comics’ art are either gritty and harsh, like Hellblazer and Lucifer, and very simply and naturalistic, like Guerra on Y or Buckingham on Fables

MrStanza (5:31:15 PM): Haldey gives her art a slightly different feel, borderlining on almost cartoony, but at the same time, definitely not. It’s hard to explain, but it’s much more in tune with the mysticl nature of the book’s plot

spiffygy (5:31:38 PM): Yeah, I figured as much, and she looks and sounds like a perfect choice for the title

spiffygy (5:31:46 PM): And you’ll have to keep me up to date if I don’t end up buying #1

HOUSE OF MYSTERY #3
Written by Matthew Sturges & Bill Willingham
Art by Luca Rossi and Bernie WrightsonCover by Sam Weber
”Room and Boredom” Part 3 of 5. Everyone is a prisoner in one way or another, and Fig Keele is no exception. Trapped in the House of Mystery with a quartet of strange companions and a bar full of drinkers, Fig’s willing to do anything to escape. Everyone else just wants bacon. Also featuring a tale illustrated by none other than HOUSE OF MYSTERY’s distinguished alumnus Bernie Wrightson!

spiffygy (5:32:29 PM): Everyone’s a prisoner in one way or another? Sad.

MrStanza (5:32:47 PM): I have no idea what this is supposed to be, but it’s by the JoF writing team

spiffygy (5:33:16 PM): It seems to be a mystery/horror comic, which sounds awesome

MrStanza (5:33:38 PM): but I assume this is an ongoing incarnation of a series of books, since this series is on issue 3 and already has a distinguished alumnus

spiffygy (5:33:52 PM): lol I was just going to say

MrStanza (5:34:13 PM): there’s a lot of interesting stuff here, besides the writers

spiffygy (5:34:20 PM): Like you said this must have previous incarnations….or they graduate very fast in Vertigo

MrStanza (5:34:23 PM): main character named Fig? GOOD

MrStanza (5:34:48 PM): “Everyone else just wants bacon”? GREAT

spiffygy (5:34:58 PM): A phenomenal cover

MrStanza (5:35:23 PM): yeah, it really is

spiffygy (5:35:30 PM): The bacon seems like a cheap way to get laughs in a solit, because it doesn’t make any sense, but okay

MrStanza (5:35:39 PM): I’d never even heard of this book, but I want to look for it now

MrStanza (5:35:54 PM): eh, I imagine the bacon thing might make sense if we were reading the book

spiffygy (5:36:07 PM): I thought about buying #1 because Willingham was involved and a horror book is one thing I don’t read right now

MrStanza (5:36:29 PM): samezies, i’m not sure I’ve ever read a horror comic, mostly because the horror genre in any medium has never really interested me

spiffygy (5:36:44 PM): I read Bill Jemas’ Marville

spiffygy (5:36:53 PM): The scariest thing I ever read

MrStanza (5:36:59 PM): Hey-O!

NORTHLANDERS #8

Written by Brian Wood
Art by Davide Gianfelice
Cover by Massimo Carnevale
Concluding “Sven The Returned” With the great battle for Orkney settled, Sven now must decide what he must do with his enemies, his allies and — most important — his birthright.


spiffygy (5:37:24 PM): You’re probably wondering why I bothered to mention this book?

spiffygy (5:37:46 PM): Well, Brian Wood is the writer of DMZ, which supposedly rules, and my friend Will raves about this intense action epic

MrStanza (5:37:50 PM): All I know is that it makes me think of the South Park episode with “Outlander!”

spiffygy (5:38:14 PM): I just love all characters name Sven

SCALPED #19
Written by Jason Aaron
Art by Davide Furno
Cover by Tim Bradstreet
This sexy issue focuses on the torrid romance between Dash and Carol. In between their bouts of passion, Dash learns more about Carol’s troubled past, including a revelation that’s sure to shock you.

MrStanza (5:38:37 PM): I just love that a series named Scalped has a sexy issue

spiffygy (5:38:44 PM): You beat me to the punch. I cant even imagine how sexy a story can be in “Scalped”

MrStanza (5:39:00 PM): Prediction: The shocking revelation is that Carol is a guy

MrStanza (5:39:28 PM): unless Carol is already a guy’s name, which is possible, in which case the revelation is that he’s a chick

MrStanza (5:39:47 PM): transgender revelations always win

spiffygy (5:39:55 PM): And they definitely sound plausible

MrStanza (5:39:56 PM): WILD ZERO anyone?

spiffygy (5:40:00 PM): ANYTHING can happen in Scalped

spiffygy (5:40:19 PM): And what screams sexy more than a post-op he-she named Carol?

MrStanza (5:41:18 PM): A parrot on acid who’s watching an old rerun of the Carol Brunette show?

spiffygy (5:41:25 PM): No.

THE UN-MEN #12

Written by John Whalen
Art by Mike Hawthorne Cover by Tomer Hanuka


”Uncorp Asunder” part 1 of 2. A venerable Swamp Thing villain makes an uninvited appearance in Aberrance as Constance Sunderland looks to the UnVolve technology to re-engineer her fading beauty. Her sights are set on the expectant daddy, Janus Sr., whose determination to carry his freakish child to term threatens the very existence of The Un-Men.

spiffygy (5:41:43 PM): Anything called Un-Men needed to be spotlighted

MrStanza (5:41:58 PM): spotlight away, then

spiffygy (5:42:05 PM): That’s all I got.

YOUNG LIARS #5
Written by David Lapham Art and cover by David Lapham
Shipwrecked on the island of Ibiza, the Young Liars must survive on their wits alone. Sadie’s disappeared, so the search for the El Greco has been called off, but not by Runco, who’s making his own plans, while Big C learns a frightening secret, which brings her closer to Danny — but the Pinkertons make her pay a horrible price for it. And finally, things turn really dark as Danny sings soprano in a little story we like to call “The Midget and Mr. Johnson!”

spiffygy (5:42:36 PM): “The Midget and Mr. Johnson” has all kinds of connotations

MrStanza (5:42:42 PM): this sounds incredibly complex

MrStanza (5:42:54 PM): just look at all the names we get in this short little promo

spiffygy (5:43:26 PM): You mean porno. Big C and Runco rule.

MrStanza (5:43:48 PM): El Greco was my grandfather’s name

spiffygy (5:44:00 PM): And I actually named my dick Pinkerton

spiffygy (5:44:05 PM): Right after reading this solit

1966 Live Action TV SERIES BATMOBILE REPLICA
Sculpted by Jack Mathews
1966 TV Series Batmobile designed by George Barris
One of the most famous cars ever designed, this finely sculpted, hand-painted, cold-cast porcelain, battery-operated, light-up Batmobile is a replica of Batman’s ride from the hugely popular 1966 live-action Batman TV show! With headlights, dashlights and other light-up features, this detailed replica is the perfect holiday gift
for all Batman fans!

MrStanza (5:46:00 PM): I was so excited until I kept reading past that part of the solit to see the dimensions (22.5″ wide x 16.5″ high)

MrStanza (5:46:13 PM): I thought this would be a REAL replica

MrStanza (5:46:21 PM): in which case my dreams would be fulfilled

spiffygy (5:46:33 PM): For $250 that wouldve been a helluva deal

MrStanza (5:46:44 PM): plus, it would have been so environmentally friendly (battery operated)

spiffygy (5:47:01 PM): troof.

JLA TROPHY ROOM: BAT-CUFFS PROP REPLICA
One of Batman’s most famous crime-fighting gadgets is the latest addition to the JLA Trophy Room: Life-sized, fully functioning Bat-Cuffs — the same size as regulation police handcuffs!
Reproduced for the first time ever as a high-quality prop replica, these metal Bat-Cuffs unlock with a special bat-shaped key. They fold in half for easy transport, or can be displayed on the included stand.

spiffygy (5:47:24 PM): Here you go: something practical you can use

MrStanza (5:47:32 PM): This sounds like the perfect sex toy for some kinky fanboys

spiffygy (5:47:51 PM): I’ve already ordered it

MrStanza (5:48:01 PM): you?

spiffygy (5:48:01 PM): Under my new alias Big C Pinkerton

MrStanza (5:48:15 PM): how do you masturbate if you’re handcuffed though?

spiffygy (5:48:17 PM): Its the perfect gift for Goki’s mom

spiffygy (5:48:37 PM): And that’s part of the fun, jesus

MrStanza (5:48:54 PM): sorry, I’m too close-minded

spiffygy (5:49:11 PM): Without hands, you masturbate like you did when you didnt know you were doing it, back in the days of rubbing your dick in the bed sheets because you thought you had an itch

MrStanza (5:49:16 PM): the day auto-erotic asphixiation isn’t enough for me is the day I get the hell out of this country

BLACK CANARY 1:6 SCALE
Deluxe Collector Figure
Black Canary joins the popular line of 1:6 Scale Deluxe Collector figures!
This rendering of the beautiful Dinah Lance includes a special interchangeable head that captures her in the midst of her sonic scream. Dressed in her intricate and authentically detailed trademark outfit of fishnet stockings, faux-leather jacket, removable mask, choker, and boots, this figure also includes a display stand.

spiffygy (5:50:03 PM): Talk about kinky

spiffygy (5:50:07 PM): It has an interchangeable head

MrStanza (5:50:18 PM): other joke options for that:

MrStanza (5:50:34 PM): “I’d let her interchange my head!”

spiffygy (5:50:45 PM): I so would

MrStanza (5:51:19 PM): One unfortunate thing that shows poor craftmanship: “faux-leather jacket”

MrStanza (5:51:37 PM): buck up and pay the money for real leather for your action figures, DC

MrStanza (5:51:39 PM): jesus

spiffygy (5:51:55 PM): Yeah, that gives this “Deluxe” collector figure a bad name

And that was it….finally. Our Marvel solits are still being compiled, but they should be at you in the coming week, not that anyone is waiting with baited breath. We hope you dug our first jump back into doing this as we shook off the rust, AA and I enjoyed ourselves! Finally, thanks to Goki for lending his mom to us on this fine evening. If only everyone could get that opportunity.

Fin.

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One Response to “Preview Reviews: AA and Spiffy Discuss DC Comicbooks For July”

  1. davidry214 Says:

    Morrison has now had more than a week to come on our blog and plead his innocence, so I think you can all now safely take his silence as an admission of guilt.

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