July ’08 Preview Reviews: Marvel style (Part 1)

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Sure, July is nearly half over, but it’s never to late to find out what to buy in the remaining weeks, and what you should have been buying the previous weeks. With that in mind, Spiffy (Andy/SpiffyGy) and myself (David/AA/MrStanza) present the Marvel version of our critically acclaimed Preview Reviews. Join us as we take a tour through the House of Ideas and see what made us say “Excelsior!” and what just made us angry (you wouldn’t like us when we’re angry).

Marvel was a little longer than DC, so we decided to split it up into two parts. Here’s the first edition.

Now, you kids can play along with Preview Reviews by checking out this list of solits (with covers, unlike ourselves) on the esteemed Comic Book Resources web site.

http://www.comicbookresources.com/?page=article&id=15993

 

DARK TOWER: THE LONG ROAD HOME #5 (of 5)
Written by PETER DAVID & ROBIN FURTH
Art and Cover by JAE LEE & RICHARD ISANOVE
Variant Cover by LEE BERMEJO
Sketch Variant Cover by JAE LEE
With Roland’s spirit still trapped in the court of the Crimson King, the dark ruler makes the young gunslinger a shocking offer: In exchange for his life, Roland must climb with the King to the top of the Tower where they will jointly claim the throne that overlooks all creation — and then utterly destroy it! Should Roland refuse, his life will be forfeit and the Crimson King will rule the coming Chaos alone. The fate of creation rests in Roland’s hands in this concluding chapter in the sensational second arc enlarging on Stephen King’s magnum opus. You must not miss it!

spiffygy (5:55:28 PM): I wish I was on this title. For Christmas I asked for the first BOOK in King’s famed series, but instead got the first graphic novel

spiffygy (5:55:44 PM): I have yet to read it, but it’s apparently quite good, and it is Peter David and Jae Lee, a great creative team

MrStanza (5:56:10 PM): indeed. Jae Lee seems like a potentially great choice to draw a horror comic

 

UNIVERSAL WAR ONE #1 (of 6)
Written by DENIS BAJRAM
Penciled by DENIS BAJRAM
Cover by DENIS BAJRAM
Adapted by PAUL BENJAMIN
With an Exclusive U.S. Variant!
The European best-seller – now finally presented in English! In the midst of a latent civil war between the core planets and outlying planetary settlements, an immense wall has cut our solar system in two. The black wall absorbs all light and matter, and it’s up to a band of soldiers facing courts martial to investigate the phenomenon. They’re the men and women of the Purgatory Squadron. For which crimes are they here? And can they work together long enough to stay alive once they enter… The Wall?

spiffygy (5:57:33 PM): Yeah, I got nothing either.

MrStanza (5:57:39 PM): good

MrStanza (5:57:44 PM): I was worried I was the only one

 

MARVEL ILLUSTRATED: THE THREE MUSKETEERS #2 (of 6)
Written by ROY THOMAS (BASED ON THE NOVEL BY ALEXANDRE DUMAS)
Penciled by HUGO PETRUS
Cover by GERALD PAREL
The Musketeers are ensnared in a deadly plot by Cardinal Richelieu to gain revenge on the Queen for her once spurning his romantic advances. And if the evil Richelieu’s scheme is realized, d’Artagnan and company may find themselves outcasts of the throne! Will they discover they are being played as pawns before it’s too late? You know you have to read it to find out.

MrStanza (5:58:00 PM): What’s with all these adaptations?

spiffygy (5:58:11 PM): Roy Thomas is apparently the god of adaptations

MrStanza (5:58:21 PM): Three Musketeers, Moby Dick, The Iliad

MrStanza (5:58:33 PM): can’t anymore just read anymore?

spiffygy (5:58:38 PM): I bet theyre all cool to read, but uh why?

MrStanza (5:58:40 PM): All three of these are classics

MrStanza (5:58:49 PM): just go read the damn original

MrStanza (5:59:14 PM): I’ll be nice even; with Dumas and “Homer,” you can even read translations

MrStanza (5:59:26 PM): but as much as I love comics, this is pointless

MrStanza (5:59:34 PM): read a real book

spiffygy (5:59:54 PM): Well, I can see why theyd do it: to attract a different audience to comic books and what they have to offer

spiffygy (6:00:18 PM): Most people think comics is all about men and women in tights, and if they hear that the fucking Iliad has a comicbook, that changes perceptions

spiffygy (6:00:46 PM): So I think theres potential for good to come from that. And plus, something like this might attract readers who HAVENT read the classics to go do so

MrStanza (6:01:00 PM): Do you really think a lot of people that read The Iliad, who don’t read comics, are going to want to see an illustrated version that badly?

spiffygy (6:01:39 PM): Im not saying it has huge potential for success, I just think it cant hurt to try, and why not have a good story be made? And let Roy Thomas do what he wants, apparently

 

ULTIMATE FANTASTIC FOUR #56
Written by MIKE CAREY
Penciled by TYLER KIRKHAM
Cover by BILLY TAN
The Ultimate Salem’s Seven saga continues! Invisible Woman’s research into this new team sensation leads her to a major revelation – – too bad she’s trapped at the bottom of the ocean! Meanwhile, Agatha Harkness reveals her true nature!

MrStanza (6:02:57 PM): I like Mike Carey, but nothing about this solit sounds appealing

MrStanza (6:03:07 PM): very snarkily written

spiffygy (6:03:23 PM): It seems like Mike Carey is on the cusp of being a huge Marvel cog

spiffygy (6:03:43 PM): I dont know how big the Ultimate universe is anymore, especially FF, but it is at issue 56, and Carey’s doing this and X-Men Legacy

MrStanza (6:04:06 PM): which means Marvel does have more than four writers after all

spiffygy (6:04:25 PM): Hooray to the 5th!

 

ULTIMATE ORIGINS #2 (of 5)
Written by BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS
Penciled by BUTCH GUICE
Cover by SIMONE BIANCHI
Revealed: The secret history of the Ultimate Universe! For the first time in 70 years, a strange object within Project Pegasus has awoken – as bit by fascinating bit, the long buried mysteries are being exposed! Journey back to World War II, and discover that the deadliest threat to young Steve Rogers was not the Nazis, but an ancient threat from worlds beyond! The dream team of Brian Michael Bendis (SECRET INVASION) and Butch Guice (CAPTAIN AMERICA,) continue the Ultimate series of the year that is a must-read lead-in to ULTIMATUM!

MrStanza (6:05:11 PM): I hope the strange object within Project Pegasus is a winged horse

MrStanza (6:05:22 PM): also, they stole Project ____ from me

spiffygy (6:05:45 PM): I know you have a love hate relationship with Bendis, but he’s always been at his best in the Ultimate universe

spiffygy (6:06:10 PM): And the first issue was one of my favorite things of the past month, and really got me reminiscing about the old days when I was all about the Ultimate U

MrStanza (6:06:23 PM): I don’t doubt it, I just never had much interest in the whole ‘Ultimate’ concept

spiffygy (6:07:01 PM): Fair enough. I loved it, but the concept was overblown and expanded too much, and while this is another mini series leading to another event in Ultimatum, it was refreshing to read

MrStanza (6:07:09 PM): To me, it takes a lot more talent to try to create something fresh and new while working within the confines of a long history

MrStanza (6:07:28 PM): I think a lot of writers would be ‘at their best’ if they could start fresh with an entire new universe

spiffygy (6:07:44 PM): Fair enough, but I think there’s something said about creating your own history

spiffygy (6:08:02 PM): As we will see with Ultimate Spider-Man. Yes he’s taking old concepts, but he’s still made it his own

MrStanza (6:08:17 PM): Certainly, some of my favorite stories are Elsewords or what have you

MrStanza (6:08:38 PM): But i just would lose interest in that foundation after anything more than a mini

spiffygy (6:08:53 PM): A good story is a good story, and Ultimate Origins #1 sets us up beautifully

MrStanza (6:09:09 PM): Sweet. If he’s doing well, more power to him

spiffygy (6:09:14 PM): And I love Guice’s art

 

ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN #124
Written by BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS
Pencils & Cover by STUART IMMONEN
War of the Symbiotes rages on – as the Ultimate Beetle takes flight! Deep inside the corporate headquarters of Roxxon lies a vial containing the creepy black symbiote substance¦or at least it did, until the Beetle stole it! Can Spider-Man capture this bug thug before disaster strikes, and what is Nick Fury and S.H.I.E.L.D.’s interest in the stolen material? The answers await in the book that has Ain’t It Cool News saying “It’s got excitement, emotion, action! I have such love for this book.”

spiffygy (6:09:48 PM): We kind of already covered it, but this is still the flagship title of the Ultimate universe

 

spiffygy (6:10:05 PM): Of course, I hate how they have to quote Aint It Cool News, because who gives a shit

 

 

 

 

 

MrStanza (6:10:03 PM): Is the Beetle actually a main villain in this universe?

MrStanza (6:10:07 PM): just curious

spiffygy (6:10:15 PM): I have no idea

spiffygy (6:10:35 PM): Im not sure I even know regular universe beetle

spiffygy (6:11:07 PM): Kudos to Immomen for taking over from Bagley. It’s a tough job to do, but he’s apparently done very well.

MrStanza (6:11:21 PM): Yeah, I’ve always liked Immomen

MrStanza (6:11:25 PM): good move by marvel

 

ULTIMATE X-MEN #96
Written by ARON ELI COLIETE
Penciled by MARK BROOKS
Cover by GABRIELE DELLOTTO
X-Men vs. X-Men! After their attack on Alpha Flight, Colossus and his team are wanted fugitives! Worse, they’ve become addicted to the insidious drug known as Banshee! Now it’s up to the other X-Men to take them down. Yes, it’s mutant vs. mutant! When the X-Men go to war with each other, who wins? Plus, the startling revelation of Jean Grey! Where did she go after defeating Apocalypse? Find out here!

spiffygy (6:11:53 PM): A few interesting things here. Its been 50 years since Ive read it, but I love the fact that Colossus is the leader, at least thats what it sounds like when they say “his team”

spiffygy (6:11:57 PM): 50 issues lol

MrStanza (6:12:18 PM): also, Banshee is a drug

spiffygy (6:12:22 PM): And the fact that Banshee is simply a drug, yes

 

spiffygy (6:12:35 PM): It makes sense for the name, but sad that he doesnt exist as anything more

 

 

 

 

 

MrStanza (6:12:34 PM): I hope he’s still a person, but is just so addictive

spiffygy (6:12:44 PM): That would be sweet

MrStanza (6:12:46 PM): which would make sense, since most Scots are addictive

MrStanza (6:13:03 PM): just ask the 100,000 women that have slept with Sean Connery

spiffygy (6:13:12 PM): Where do you think Jean Grey went after defeating Apocalypse?

spiffygy (6:13:23 PM): To go sleep with Sean Connery, for one

MrStanza (6:13:30 PM): then to Cincinnati, Ohio

spiffygy (6:13:41 PM): Where she now whores for money

MrStanza (6:14:11 PM): all to afford a bus ticket to Cleveland to visit the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

spiffygy (6:14:34 PM): And then after another quickie with Sean Connery….she went on with her life

MrStanza (6:15:05 PM): which meant graduating from prostitute to pimp

MrStanza (6:15:25 PM): though curiously, when making threats, she lowered her voice and used a puppet named Franklin

spiffygy (6:15:22 PM): And is now apart of a Cleveland based folk band with Tobias Funke

spiffygy (6:15:39 PM): (wow two AD references in a row)

MrStanza (6:16:01 PM): (we must be taking Teamocil)

spiffygy (6:16:17 PM): Now that you mention it…my sex drive has been quite low

spiffygy (6:16:19 PM): And folks, if you expect me to even touch a solit of Amazing Spider-Man, you’ve got to be kidding yourself. Fuck Amazing Spider-Man and fuck Marvel for doing what they did.

MrStanza (6:16:29 PM): Fuck!

spiffygy (6:16:38 PM): Hey kids, it’s David’s former favorite title!

 

AMAZING SPIDER-GIRL #22
Written by TOM DEFALCO
Pencils & Cover by RON FRENZ
“A Brand New MAY!” Part 3 of 5Nancy Lu returns! Fury, the Goblin Queen strikes! Spider-Girl battles the most unexpected super-foe of all! And Mary Jane notices that Peter Parker is beginning to exhibit strange symptoms as he continues to uncover the mystery of the brand new May!

spiffygy (6:17:04 PM): Wasnt Defalco the writer when you were reading it, too?

MrStanza (6:17:20 PM): oh yeah, he’d be the only writer Marvel would let do it

MrStanza (6:17:54 PM): once he runs out of ideas, they’ll just cancel it for good, and create a new Spider-Girl in real-time, probably by Bendis

spiffygy (6:17:45 PM): And Nancy Lu? Really?

MrStanza (6:18:12 PM): She was a good villain with a bad name

MrStanza (6:18:18 PM): She’s no Crime-inator

spiffygy (6:18:31 PM): and troof*

 

AVENGERS/INVADERS #3 (of 12)
Written by JIM KRUEGER & ALEX ROSS
Penciled by STEVE SADOWSKI
Cover by ALEX ROSS
Variant Cover by OLIVIER COIPEL
The King of Atlantis vs the Prince of Atlantis with an entire kingdom as the ultimate prize. Alex Ross, Jim Krueger and Steve Sadowski continue the year’s most surprising cross-time epic with a battle that promises to tear two centuries asunder. Plus, more clues to the mystery of just how the Invaders landed in 2008!

spiffygy (6:19:00 PM): I think this is the year’s ONLY cross-time epic, and the only way it’s been surprising is how mediocre it’s been, until this very issue

MrStanza (6:19:28 PM): If Ross was doing the interior art himself, i’d probably buy it

MrStanza (6:19:42 PM):

Nothing against Sadowski btw, who I enjoyed on JSA

 

 

 

 

spiffygy (6:20:00 PM): Oh I dont think Sadowski would even take that as offensive. It is Ross.

MrStanza (6:20:00 PM): But Ross’ recent transition to writer/occassional cover guy is weird

spiffygy (6:20:32 PM): I think he’s probably one of the best cover guys in the biz, ever, but yeah who knows what he adds to the writing front

MrStanza (6:21:24 PM): It’s tough to rank him as a cover guy just because he’s never done it on a regular basis, but yeah, he’s brilliant when he paints

 

MrStanza (6:21:51 PM): I just wish he’d do some big mini again, like Marvels and Kingdom Come

 

 

 

 

 

spiffygy (6:21:42 PM): Issue 1 was solid, #2 was mediocre at best, but this issue was my favorite so far

spiffygy (6:22:04 PM): And I’m looking forward to Bucky on Bucky, which should be the title of a porno

MrStanza (6:22:11 PM): already is

spiffygy (6:22:30 PM): I might rent that when the handcuffs arrive

MrStanza (6:22:36 PM): starring Sasha Grey as Bucky and Sylvester Stallone as Bucky

spiffygy (6:22:55 PM): Wow thatd be incredible

 

CAPTAIN AMERICA #40
Written by ED BRUBAKER
Pencils & Cover by STEVE EPTING
It’s Cap versus Cap for the future of the American Dream as the Red Skull looks on in laughter! And Bucky learns the true identity of the man behind the other mask! The epic Death of Captain America continues in Part Four of “The Man Who Bought America” by the acclaimed team of Brubaker and Epting.

MrStanza (6:23:28 PM): At last, the Cap vs. Cap showdown

MrStanza (6:23:40 PM): I think we’re both pretty excited for this

spiffygy (6:23:50 PM): Definitely.

spiffygy (6:24:20 PM): This is one of the best titles out, and this issue has been a long time coming, although Im just excited in general for any issue from this title, not particularly for Cap vs. Cap

MrStanza (6:24:43 PM): fair enough

spiffygy (6:24:59 PM): If it continues at its high level, Brubaker’s run on Cap will be one of the best ever

MrStanza (6:25:10 PM): Brubaker gets a lot of deserved credit for this title, but let’s talk for a second about Steve Epting

spiffygy (6:25:17 PM): Oh fo sho

MrStanza (6:25:38 PM): Bru’s run has used a few different talented artists, but Epting is certainly the class of them all, i’d say

spiffygy (6:25:39 PM): How about everyone else who contributes on a regular basis? Epting, Perkins and Guice all rotate

spiffygy (6:26:01 PM): I think he’s the best, but its a testament to Marvel that they got such great backups

MrStanza (6:26:12 PM): I like Guice a lot as well, so good point

 

DAREDEVIL #109
Written by ED BRUBAKER & GREG RUCKA
Penciled by MICHAEL LARK
Cover by MARKO DJURDJEVIC
Part 3 of “Cruel and Unusual” with special guest co-writer Greg Rucka joining the acclaimed DD creative team! Daredevil and Dakota North have investigated all angles of the brutal murders that Big Ben Donovan sits on Death Row for, and all they’ve come up with is more questions and conspiracies. Why does Big Ben want to be executed for a crime he probably didn’t commit? And why does the government want Dakota and Matt Murdock off the case? Find out these answers and more!

spiffygy (6:27:12 PM): I have issue 107 and 108 on my bed post, waiting for me to catch up, but I’ll probably just start reading them soon, because my efforts to catch up on the title aren’t going anywhere

MrStanza (6:27:24 PM): I love the old Gotham Central creative team being together again, but I’m not really in a DD kind of place

 

spiffygy (6:27:39 PM): How can you not be in a DD kind of place?

 

 

 

 

 

MrStanza (6:27:39 PM): I prefer superheroes who can see at this point in my life

spiffygy (6:27:49 PM): Wow, youre a prick

MrStanza (6:28:36 PM): Hey, if Bendis can reveal Matt’s identity, then Brubaker and Rucka should be allowed to give him vision

MrStanza (6:28:43 PM): If so, I’ll be on in a heartbeat

spiffygy (6:29:34 PM): I’ll just sidestep that and say that I hear good things about this book, and thats not surprising. Its Brubaker and Lark, with Rucka added in. I’m quite excited to get back onboard this title, because Bendis’ Daredevil made me a huge fan of the character

 

CAPTAIN AMERICA: WHITE #0
Written by JEPH LOEB
Pencils & Cover by TIM SALE
Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale, the Eisner award winning team (DAREDEVIL: YELLOW, SPIDER-MAN: BLUE, HULK: GRAY, Batman: The Long Halloween, Superman For All Seasons, Television’s HEROES) return to Marvel and their prestigious “color” book series. CAPTAIN AMERICA: WHITE is their newest creation, peeling back an untold tale of Captain America and Bucky during World War II. Their unique combination of in-depth characters and high stakes action shines here with Cap’s deadliest mission of all. Marvel is proud to bring you Captain America: #0 this summer as a taste of what’s to come. Featuring an all new full story about the Origin of Bucky Barnes and how he came into Cap’s life, this special edition features a cover gallery, sketchbook, script samples, and an interview with the creators. They are happy to be back at Marvel and we’re thrilled to have them! Plus, the whole story seen in black-and-white.

MrStanza (6:30:05 PM): I haven’t decided yet on this

MrStanza (6:30:42 PM): Loeb and Sale can be great. Batman: Long Halloween and Daredevil:Yellow are each one of my favorite stories about said character

MrStanza (6:31:05 PM): Spiderman: Blue was underwheling, and I never read Hulk: Gray

spiffygy (6:31:43 PM): I’m avoiding the shit out of this title. Loeb’s lost his talent, from what I hear. Blue was underwhelming and Ultimates 3 is apparently one of the worst comics ever

spiffygy (6:31:47 PM): I have no desire to read this

MrStanza (6:31:54 PM): wow, harsh

spiffygy (6:32:09 PM): Loeb’s lost his luster

spiffygy (6:32:17 PM): Sale needs to catch wind with another writer

MrStanza (6:32:20 PM): because of…?

MrStanza (6:32:49 PM): Three issues of Ultimates that you haven’t read? I’m confused

spiffygy (6:33:04 PM): It’s enough.

MrStanza (6:33:31 PM): wow, remind me to bring this up the next time you tell me I’m too harsh on Bendis or other writers

spiffygy (6:33:36 PM): I just hear way too many awful things about it, and he’s written a few other crappy things I believe. I may be harsh, but I can’t buy everything

MrStanza (6:33:59 PM): I’m not saying you have to buy it, but you seem really anti-Loeb

MrStanza (6:34:09 PM): for reasons it seems like not even you get

spiffygy (6:34:12 PM): And plus, I have no desire to read another Bucky/Cap story. I’m reading an Invaders story now

MrStanza (6:34:20 PM): ok

spiffygy (6:34:46 PM): Look, just based on the revulsion in response to Ultimates 3 and his other work is enough

MrStanza (6:34:55 PM): what other work?

spiffygy (6:35:46 PM): Fallen Son

MrStanza (6:35:57 PM): I may buy this and find that i totally agree, but I’ve read several good stories by Loeb, and I’m not yet ready to declare him talentless now

MrStanza (6:36:13 PM): based on heresay

spiffygy (6:36:39 PM): You’re probably right. I do intend on reading Long Halloween and Dark Victory, but this doesn’t appeal to me at all/

MrStanza (6:36:49 PM): fair enough

spiffygy (6:37:10 PM): Fun fact: he was born in Stamford, which is where Speedball and Nitro blew up however many people and led to Civil War

spiffygy (6:37:17 PM): I wonder if thats purely coincidental

 

 

FANTASTIC FOUR #559
Written by MARK MILLAR
Pencils & Cover by BRYAN HITCH
You should have remembered the old adage, Johnny: love the woman, love her family. And when the woman is the super-villain called Psionics, that raises the stakes to a whole other level. Now it’s the morning after, and Lightwave, Natalie X, Alex U-16, Doc Banner and the Burning Man expect you to live up to your responsibilities. It’s the Human Torch’s worst break-up ever — or will it be a shotgun wedding? Plus: where in the world is Doctor Doom?

spiffygy (6:38:29 PM): Well Millar is having just as much trouble naming new villains as Morrison, apparently

MrStanza (6:39:04 PM): I don’t doubt that Millar is doing/wil do great things on this book, and I’m not planning to get into yet another rant on how every FF writer screw Johnny, but this solit sounds rather lackluster

spiffygy (6:39:47 PM): The solit is pretty crappy, but I definitely really enjoy what Millar is doing here

spiffygy (6:40:16 PM): I’m not sure about the new villains yet, and about Doc Banner’s involvement, but yeah I’m not sure you’re entirely wrong about Johnny

MrStanza (6:40:42 PM): oh well, such is life

spiffygy (6:40:44 PM): Although I loved the fact that he fucked Psionics after busting her for robbing a bank

MrStanza (6:40:58 PM): how Bondian of him

 

FANTASTIC FOUR: TRUE STORY #1 (of 4)
Written by PAUL CORNELL
Penciled by HORACIO DOMINGUEZ
Cover by NIKO HENRICHON
A threat to the minds of the whole human race sends the FF somewhere they’ve never been before: into the realm of fiction itself! Where Ben finds himself clobbering a demonic army to save the cast of Sense and Sensibility. No, really. And it gets weirder from there. Dante (not the one from Clerks)! Willie Lumpkin! Behold, the Fictocraft! And it’s actually kind of smart and serious too. You’re at least going to flip open the first page in your comic store, right?

spiffygy (6:41:18 PM): I wish it was the Dante from Clerks

spiffygy (6:41:45 PM): Johnny: I wasn’t even supposed to be here today.
Dante: Hey! That’s my line.
Thing: 37?!

MrStanza (6:41:53 PM): lol

MrStanza (6:42:11 PM): I just like how desperate the end of this solit sounds

spiffygy (6:42:33 PM): Wow I didnt even realize that, I didnt get past the Clerks reference

spiffygy (6:43:04 PM): For how desperate the solit is, dont you think they shouldve said that is was more than just “kind of” smart and serious?

MrStanza (6:43:34 PM): I think there’s a lot of things they should have done

MrStanza (6:44:03 PM): and i guess I’ll leave it at that

 

THE LAST DEFENDERS #5 (of 6)
Written by JOE CASEY
Penciled by JIM MUNIZ
Cover by RODOLFO MIGLIARI
It’s finally come down to this — literally the last Defender standing, as Kyle Richmond goes head-to-head with his past, his present AND his future…! And Yandroth is right there to exploit all three of them! And…at long last: Dr. Strange! The Hulk! Namor, the Sub-Mariner! Together again…for the first time! Plus, the Squadron Sinister! All this…and a last page that will leave you shell-shocked!

spiffygy (6:44:36 PM): This solit loves the ellipses

MrStanza (6:44:54 PM): Except for the fact that I don’t know who Kyle Richmond is, this sounds kinda cool

spiffygy (6:44:59 PM): Nighthawk

MrStanza (6:45:09 PM): well, then it’s nearly perfect

spiffygy (6:45:10 PM): How on earth he was the last one standing is beyond me

spiffygy (6:45:16 PM): He’s a bitch

MrStanza (6:45:44 PM): but then you look up and see the name “Joe Casey” and remember “Oh yeah, there WAS a reason I’m not buying this”

spiffygy (6:46:16 PM): I wish Defenders was good…

 

 

HULK #5
Written by JEPH LOEB
Pencils & Cover by ED MCGUINNESS
Variant Cover by OLIVIER COIPEL
Superstars JEPH LOEB & ED MCGUINNESS continue their historic epic! With the entire West Coast in peril, who can stop the battle of the Century when Two, count ’em TWO Hulks, get to brawling? How about everyone’s favorite Thunder God — THE MIGHTY THOR!? He was out of town during WORLD WAR HULK — THIS is the match-up you’ve been DEMANDING! But can even a God stop the Red Hulk? Find out now!!!

spiffygy (6:47:06 PM): How dare they target the West Coast

MrStanza (6:47:43 PM): yeah, they might endanger all those good Seattle-based sports tea….oh

spiffygy (6:47:57 PM): 😦

MrStanza (6:48:03 PM): RIP Sean Alexander

spiffygy (6:48:10 PM): Whoever that guy is, yeah

spiffygy (6:48:15 PM): Shaun Alexander’s still alive

spiffygy (6:48:31 PM): IN THE HALL OF FAME (doubt it)

 

spiffygy (6:49:28 PM): This title has pretty much devolved into a Hulk Smash em up each month

 

 

 

 

 

MrStanza (6:48:55 PM): anyway, I’m a big fan of this just because FINALLY Marvel is responding to fans’ demands and giving a red Hulk

MrStanza (6:49:03 PM): green and gray was not enough

MrStanza (6:49:24 PM): This is the time to go Star Road from Super Mario World on people’s asses

MrStanza (6:49:35 PM): I want to see a yellow Hulk

spiffygy (6:49:42 PM): Oh who doesn’t?

MrStanza (6:49:48 PM): and a blue Hulk that can fly when it eats shells

spiffygy (6:50:04 PM): Notice how Marvel won’t do a black hulk

spiffygy (6:50:08 PM): Totally racist.

MrStanza (6:50:21 PM): wow, good point

MrStanza (6:50:39 PM): Who you callin Uncle Tom, Marvel?

MrStanza (6:50:53 PM): let’s all pretend that made sense

spiffygy (6:50:53 PM): A Thor/Hulk fight would be cool, and Im not that hateful of Loeb to admit that he could probably not ruin that, but I have a strong dislike of McGuinness’ art

spiffygy (6:51:16 PM): Even though Hulk might be the perfect place for his abilities (to draw extremely cartoony and muscled men)

MrStanza (6:51:25 PM): perhaps

spiffygy (6:51:34 PM): But who cares to find out?

MrStanza (6:51:44 PM): Edward Norton?

spiffygy (6:51:52 PM): Fuck no, he didnt get to be red

spiffygy (6:51:54 PM): He’s pissed

MrStanza (6:52:05 PM): pissed enough that he’s turning red?

spiffygy (6:52:08 PM): The only good thing that came out of this reboot was the long awaited Herc title

spiffygy (6:52:28 PM): Which I may or may not be being sarcastic about, I dont know

MrStanza (6:52:28 PM): who’s Herc?

spiffygy (6:52:33 PM): Hercules

MrStanza (6:52:37 PM): not ringing a bell

spiffygy (6:52:52 PM): Kevin Sorbo?

MrStanza (6:52:59 PM): andromeda?

spiffygy (6:53:04 PM): Close enough

 

SKAAR: SON OF HULK #2
Written by GREG PAK
Pencils & Cover by RON GARNEY
Whose terrible stride shakes the war-torn wastelands of Sakaar? Whose blind Shadow Priest calls for the blood of babes? Whose barbarian horde rides monsters through your nightmares? Behold and lament, my beautiful son, for the Axeman Cometh!

MrStanza (6:53:28 PM): I really did almost buy issue 1

spiffygy (6:53:40 PM): This is basically what would happen if Hulk was Conan

MrStanza (6:53:54 PM): I don’t know that I’ve read anything by Greg Pak, but Ron Garney is a great penciller

spiffygy (6:54:07 PM): I think we have, he sounds familiar, but I have no idea what

spiffygy (6:54:11 PM): And I agree, Garney is good

spiffygy (6:54:18 PM): But he should choose his projects better

MrStanza (6:54:26 PM): probably

spiffygy (6:54:29 PM): Amazing Spider-Man and the Son of fucking Hulk? He needs a better agent

MrStanza (6:54:36 PM): though I bet this will be a cult hit

spiffygy (6:54:46 PM): Thats why you shouldnt bet

MrStanza (6:54:59 PM): RIP Charles Barkley

spiffygy (6:55:05 PM): troof

 

IMMORTAL IRON FIST #17
Written by Duane Swierczynski
Pencils and Cover by Travel Foreman
“The Mortal Iron Fist” part 1 of 4
Marvel’s kickingest, punchingest, kung-fu-iest book just got bigger! Following the character-redefining, critically-acclaimed, fan-favorite events of “The Seven Capital Cities of Heaven,” the all-new IMMORTAL IRON FIST creative team of Duane Swierczynski (CABLE) and Travel Foreman (ARES) takes it to the next explosive level! Think you know everything there is to know about the traditions of the Immortal Iron Fist? If you do, then why’s Danny sweating bullets over an inescapable legacy that’s haunted the Iron Fists for centuries, huh? Tell us that, if you’re so smart. What was the deeper meaning of Xao’s ominous threat? And what incredible new adventure are Danny’s fellow Immortal Weapons embarking upon?

MrStanza (6:55:42 PM): I don’t like when story arcs’ names go against the title of the book

spiffygy (6:55:52 PM): “kickingest, punchingest, kung-fu-iest” book?! Wow that solit just convinced me to give this issue a shot

MrStanza (6:56:21 PM): I think Adam West wrote the solit

spiffygy (6:56:54 PM): In all seriousness, Ive read the first arc of Iron Fist and it was incredible. I ordered the second one immediately, and its my next trade to read after Messiah CompleX

spiffygy (6:57:13 PM): Brubaker and Fraction ruled on it. I hope Duane can continue the legacy, because I really like Fist now

spiffygy (6:57:22 PM): Then again, if he sucks, that would save me the money

MrStanza (6:57:35 PM): good. I’ve made fun of him some, but Iron Fist is a good character that deserved a good title

spiffygy (6:58:06 PM): I’m almost as sad that David Aja left. His art was perfect. But Foreman’s is almost there

spiffygy (6:58:12 PM): I’ll be giving this a shot

MrStanza (6:58:21 PM): huzzah

 

INVINCIBLE IRON MAN #3
Written by MATT FRACTION
Pencils & 50/50 Cover by SALVADOR LARROCA
50/50 Variant Cover by TRAVIS CHAREST
Iron Man’s new ongoing series soars to armor-melting speeds! New fans, get in on this one now, ’cause the getting is good! Longtime Iron Man readers, strap in, because Tony Stark’s about to face a shocking new menace, one that’s oddly familiar! Is this all part of Ezekiel Stane’s unstoppable plan to destroy his sworn enemy, Iron Man?! Has Tony’s incomparable intellect, genius technical acuity and vast business acumen finally met their match in the brilliant young Zeke? How’s ol’ Tony gonna get out of this one? Written by Matt Fraction (IMMORTAL IRON FIST) with mind-blowing art by Salvador Larroca (UNCANNY X-MEN)!

spiffygy (6:59:12 PM): This solit is very rambunctious and trying too hard. Not one sentence ends with a simple period. It’s all !’s or ?’s

MrStanza (6:59:18 PM): man, solit writers suck

spiffygy (6:59:31 PM): This one was written by Stan Lee

MrStanza (6:59:34 PM): The end sounds like a narration from the Dukes of hazzard

spiffygy (6:59:48 PM): Tony and the Dukes of Hazzard go hand in hand

spiffygy (7:00:00 PM): I gave #1 a shot, and it was a meh

spiffygy (7:00:20 PM): Since then I’ve read Fraction’s Iron Fist, but I have no idea what his contribution was

spiffygy (7:00:29 PM): But he’s apparently the next big thing in Marvel

spiffygy (7:04:23 PM): I’m more interested in the other Iron Man title

spiffygy (7:09:50 PM): (Director of Shield)

 

IRON MAN: LEGACY OF DOOM #4 (of 4)
Written by DAVID MICHELINIE
Art and Cover by RON LIM & BOB LAYTON
“Knightmare’s End”
It all comes down to this! The true motive for Dr. Doom seeking Iron Man’s aid comes to light at last, revealing a threat unlike any the Armored Avenger has faced before. Tony Stark, now partnered with his most dangerous foe, wrestles with impossible choices, even questioning the beliefs that form the very core of his being. And the decisions he makes will determine the fate of every man, woman and child on Earth. The stunning conclusion to The Camelot Trilogy will rock your world–literally!

spiffygy (7:21:24 PM): GO!

spiffygy (7:22:15 PM): Talk about epic: questioning his beliefs that form the very core of his being….and a decision that effects everyone on earth? and it will ROCK OUR WORLD—LITERALLY

MrStanza (7:21:52 PM): Actually, I don’t even want to talk much about this, because it makes me sad

MrStanza (7:22:26 PM): I tried the first issue, and until the most recent Mighty Avengers, it was the worst comic I’d read since I got back in

MrStanza (7:22:50 PM): and that’s a shame, because David Michelinie used to be cool

spiffygy (7:23:06 PM): Well the first Iron Man/Doom story he wrote years back was supposedly pretty good

MrStanza (7:23:07 PM): and it makes me sad to see he’s lost the touch

spiffygy (7:23:30 PM): And I love the idea of it. It’s something I’ll buy once I buy the 546 trades in front of it on my list

 

IRON MAN: DIRECTOR OF S.H.I.E.L.D. #31
Written by STUART MOORE
Penciled by ROBERTO
DE LA TORRE
Cover by ADI GRANOV
“With Iron Hands”
In a devastated Eastern European nation, Iron Man faces a deadly terrorist who can neutralize his armor’s power! Meanwhile, high above, S.H.I.E.L.D.’s Alpha Team confronts the mysterious Overkill Mind in a deadly aerial battle. What’s the connection? None other than Tony Stark himself — and only he can stop the slaughter! Part 3 of 4.

spiffygy (7:24:04 PM): I dont know who Stuart Moore is, but this is another one that has been recommended to me

MrStanza (7:24:25 PM): At least it’s not like Iron Fist, and titles the story “Iron Man: NOT the Director of SHIELD”

spiffygy (7:24:35 PM): I’m generally a fan of SHIELD and espionage, and Stark rules, so it sounds fun

spiffygy (7:24:39 PM): True that

MrStanza (7:25:06 PM): Yeah, it does sound worth trying

MrStanza (7:25:35 PM): I probably won’t try it, because I don’t think I’ve ever read Iron Man

MrStanza (7:25:47 PM): but readers, be better than me

spiffygy (7:26:08 PM): I do like how Iron Man is such a HUGE character now. He used to just have one title. Now he has 2 ongoings and 2 mini series, and he’s the Director of Shield, the leader of the Avengers

spiffygy (7:26:25 PM): and you know the star of that movie that came out, if you can remember it

MrStanza (7:26:34 PM): yeah, thanks Robert Downey Jr

 

IRON MAN: VIVA LAS VEGAS #3 (of 4)
Written by JON FAVREAU
Pencils & Cover by ADI GRANOV
The great dragon Fin Fang Foom walks the streets of sin city, at stake is the future of the human species, and Iron Man’s down to his last chip. Let it ride

spiffygy (7:26:43 PM): Hey kids! Favreau!

spiffygy (7:27:12 PM): Im sure this probably sucks…but at least Favreau is having fun, and this is a good indicator that he’s all about the sequel to Iron Man, which is good news

MrStanza (7:27:14 PM): Is this a sequel to Swingers?

spiffygy (7:27:36 PM): Iron Man: Hey beautiful babies!
Happy: You’re money and you don’t even know it!

MrStanza (7:28:03 PM): if this means topless Heather Graham again, I’m in

spiffygy (7:28:07 PM): God yes

 

MARVEL 1985 #3 (of 5)
Written by MARK MILLAR
Pencils & Cover by
TOMMY LEE EDWARDS
“THE VISITORS”
They’re coming for us. The most dangerous villains in the Marvel Universe are here — in our world — and they’re not taking prisoners. The only people who stand between salvation and destruction are 13-year old Toby and his dad, who once was friends with the enigmatic Clyde Wyncham. MARK MILLAR (CIVIL WAR, KICK-ASS, WOLVERINE) and TOMMY LEE EDWARDS (BULLET POINTS, The Question) continue this epic super hero crossover, with far-reaching and surprising implications for the Marvel Universe!

spiffygy (7:29:00 PM): Well I had no idea this crossover had far-reaching or surprising implications for the Marvel universe, and I think thats probably BS, but this is one of my favorite things going right now

spiffygy (7:29:20 PM): I had never read anything by Edwards, and he’s wonderful, and Millar as we all know, is usually the tits

MrStanza (7:29:40 PM): Yeah, I wish ads would stop trying to say every book will change everything

MrStanza (7:30:03 PM): but this sounds great, and I look forward to the trade

spiffygy (7:30:13 PM): Oh by it now pussy

MrStanza (7:30:23 PM): eh, trades are fun

spiffygy (7:30:30 PM): Actually, true

spiffygy (7:30:57 PM): And because we hate children and comics dedicated to younger readers, we’re going to skip Marvel Adventures

MrStanza (7:31:27 PM): yeah, fuck you kids

spiffygy (7:31:25 PM): Except this one:

 

MARVEL ADVENTURES THE AVENGERS #26
Written by JEFF PARKER
Penciled by IG GUARA
Cover by LEONARD KIRK
It’s the bottom of the ninth, the Avengers are down by two, two strikes down and bases loaded. The stakes for the Cosmic Pennant have never been higher. How will Galactus call this one? Okay… we admit. We have no idea what’s going on in this story. Kirk drew the cover, and now Parker has to come up with something. THAT’S GOOD COMICS!!!

spiffygy (7:31:55 PM): Thats probably the best solit I’ve ever read. It’s hilarious.

spiffygy (7:32:01 PM): They admit to not giving a shit about the title

spiffygy (7:32:19 PM): And THATS GOOD COMICS!!! sums it all up beautifully

MrStanza (7:32:28 PM): lol

spiffygy (7:32:29 PM): And I bet Silver Surfer has a killer fastball

MrStanza (7:32:38 PM): I almost want to buy this, just to reward the solit

spiffygy (7:32:58 PM): I mean if it is really a baseball game between Galactus and the Avengers, Im in

MrStanza (7:33:35 PM): if it was, though, Derek Jeter would probably have a cameo and ruin the whole thing

MrStanza (7:33:38 PM): fuck Jeter

spiffygy (7:34:10 PM): Seriously. If there’s a hint of leather in this issue, and I mean of the glove variety, I’m buying this issue. But if there’s a hint of Derek Jeter, I will buy it, and rip it to shreds and then take a shit on said shreds, and then send them to Madonna who can probably get them to Jeter, because he’s next on her hit list

spiffygy (7:34:31 PM): IN THE GREATEST ILLUSION EVER

MrStanza (7:35:16 PM): lol

MrStanza (7:35:19 PM): nicely done

 

MOON KNIGHT #20
Written by MIKE BENSON
Pencils & Cover by MIKE DEODATO
“IN THE COMPANY OF WOLVES”
Special extra-sized issue illustrated by Mike Deodato (AMAZING SPIDER-MAN, NEW AVENGERS) and guest-starring Werewolf By Night! In the aftermath of the Black Spectre debacle, Moon Knight is Public Enemy Number One, a fugitive from justice. But that’s not his only problem. Something awful is happening in the dank basement below Club Lu’Pine. Blood-smeared walls raked by claws tell half the story. To know the whole truth, Moon Knight will have to step into the arena and stare down a creature fueled by instinct and fury. To survive, he must become what he faces.

spiffygy (7:35:55 PM): Werewolf By Night and Moon Knight? FUCK YEAH

spiffygy (7:36:11 PM): And….judging by the last sentence, I guess Moon Knight’s going to be a werewolf by the end of this one

MrStanza (7:36:15 PM): just to be clear, what other kind of werewolf is there?

spiffygy (7:36:28 PM): Werewolf By Day is actually a nice guy

spiffygy (7:36:37 PM): He works at a PR firm in Albequerque

spiffygy (7:36:42 PM): Did I spell that even half right?

MrStanza (7:37:01 PM): maybe. Who knows, people in New Mexico don’t matter

spiffygy (7:37:20 PM): Little does David know that all of our readers live in New Mexico

spiffygy (7:37:23 PM): Were fucked now

 

PUNISHER WAR JOURNAL #21
Written by MATT FRACTION & RICK REMENDER
Penciled by HOWARD CHAYKIN
Cover by ALEX MALEEV
JIGSAW PART 4: The Hand and it’s cadre of fantastic killers makes its move against the Punisher as every shooter in New York City has their sites trained on Frank Castle…and with his only allies in hiding, Frank brings the fight underground. As the entire city watches Frank run, S.H.I.E.L.D. — and Bridge’s Girls — follow. The creative genius of JIGSAW is in full bloom…how much punishment can one man take? You have no idea. By Matt Fraction (UNCANNY X-MEN, INVINCIBLE IRON MAN) and Rick Remender (Fear Agent, The Atom), with art by the legendary Howard Chaykin (WOLVERINE, WAR IS HELL: THE FIRST FLIGHT OF THE PHANTOM EAGLE).

MrStanza (7:38:01 PM): wow, Fraction strikes yet again

spiffygy (7:38:15 PM): I love the Maleev cover, even if Frank looks 18

spiffygy (7:38:33 PM): I have one problem with this solit: what makes Howard Chaykin legendary?

spiffygy (7:38:51 PM): I’ve only read a few issues of his work….and color me unimpressed

spiffygy (7:39:06 PM): color me black with disappointment, because we at GGG dont shy away from race

MrStanza (7:39:14 PM): well, he’s not legendary for his comics work, actually

spiffygy (7:39:22 PM): Did he fuck Madonna too?

MrStanza (7:39:32 PM): Richard Nixon, actually

spiffygy (7:39:44 PM): Well done Chaykin

MrStanza (7:39:44 PM): you didn’t think he resigned because of watergate?

MrStanza (7:39:52 PM): it was all Chaykin

spiffygy (7:40:04 PM): So he’s a hero

spiffygy (7:40:07 PM): And a shitty penciller

spiffygy (7:40:14 PM): Cancels it out

spiffygy (7:40:22 PM): But I hear he gives a great ZJ

spiffygy (7:40:45 PM): And if you don’t know what that is, you probably can’t afford it

 

NOVA #15
Written by DAN ABNETT
& ANDY LANNING
Penciled by WELLINTON ALVES
Cover by ALEX MALEEV
Face-to-really-big-face with Galactus! He’s attempted to save evacuees, he’s tried to bring down a horrifying serial killer, hes even gone one-on-one with the Silver Surfer,¦but now our lone space cop must take his plight directly to the Big G himself! But the question is: will this universal force of nature even listen? It’s got Galactus, Silver Surfer, Nova, crazy twists and pretty art — so don’t you owe it to yourself to check out the book that Ain’t It Cool News says “knocked my socks off with each and every issue”?

spiffygy (7:41:22 PM): I dont know, they make a compelling argument: I want my socks knocked off

spiffygy (7:41:34 PM): And I may very well owe myself to check it out

spiffygy (7:41:48 PM): And again, how awesome is Maleev’s cover?

spiffygy (7:42:03 PM): Maleev may be my favorite artist in comics. But don’t quote me on that.

MrStanza (7:00:41 PM): Well, i don’t hold him in quite that high of esteem, but he does rock, as does that cover

MrStanza (7:02:07 PM): Nova is a decent character that I could imagine being really good with a good take and writer

MrStanza (7:02:09 PM): and Silver Surfer and Galactus are always big draws

MrStanza (7:02:09 PM): all of that being said, I have no intention of buying this, but I hope other people do

spiffygy (7:02:28 PM): Honestly, if I ever shake out like 10 titles, Nova is one I’ll check out

spiffygy (7:02:39 PM): Or more likely, I’ll get greedy and buy it when it comes out this month

spiffygy (7:02:47 PM): Which happens with a book at least once a week

 

PATSY WALKER: HELLCAT, AGENT OF THE INITIATIVE #1 (of 5)
Written by KATHRYN IMMONEN
Penciled by DAVID LAFUENTE
Cover by STUART IMMONEN
Patsy Walker, S.H.I.E.L.D. wants YOU to join the Initiative…and protect the frozen north. You heard me right, sister. The Klondike. Seward’s Folly. Alaska. So pack some long johns and prepare for trouble. GUEST-STARRING: IRON MAN!

MrStanza (7:04:10 PM): I like Hellcat, but it’s rarely a good sign when a company feels the need to announce a guest star in all caps in the solit for the first issue

spiffygy (7:04:30 PM): Especially in a mini, which always features guest stars

spiffygy (7:04:42 PM): I’m always glad when comics adds a female writer, and I presume Kathryn is related to Stuart in some way

spiffygy (7:04:49 PM): Which has got to be a point for Patsy

MrStanza (7:04:52 PM): yeah, i’d like to know how

spiffygy (7:05:06 PM): My guess: Wife

spiffygy (7:05:10 PM): Prediction: I’m wrong

MrStanza (7:05:27 PM): My guess is more complicated

MrStanza (7:06:12 PM): First, Stuart was married to an older woman for her money, but his sexual desires needed an outlet, so he found an escort he liked

MrStanza (7:06:49 PM): As time went on, he fell in love with the escort, and considered leaving his rich wife for her

MrStanza (7:07:29 PM): But one night, while the two of them were screwing in a hotel, they heard a murder through the walls

MrStanza (7:07:48 PM): (coincidentally, it was Grant Morrison killing Marv Wolfman)

spiffygy (7:08:00 PM): Ah, so this was in the 80s

MrStanza (7:08:03 PM): the two of them went on the lam, running for years

MrStanza (7:08:42 PM): finally, Stuart returned home, and got a letter than his cousin Kathryn wanted to get into comics, so he made a couple calls and got her this book

MrStanza (7:08:50 PM): the prostitute died somewhere along the way

spiffygy (7:09:13 PM): In actuality, the story goes like this:

spiffygy (7:09:49 PM): Kathryn Immonen is Stuart’s wife, and has experience in webcomics, where she co-authors a title with her hubby, called Never as Bad As You Think, which I think will be an apt description of this title.

spiffygy (7:10:16 PM): And it turns out my guess was right, and my prediction wrong. Alas, I still made David look a fool, and again, like a prostitute hater.

MrStanza (7:10:46 PM): all of which is to say, Buy HellCat, either to honor the memory of that unnamed prostitute, or to pay homage to Spiffy’s ability to look things up on the Internet

spiffygy (7:11:14 PM): I actually didnt use the internet

spiffygy (7:11:25 PM): The only thing I use is Goki’s mom

spiffygy (7:11:36 PM): I received word from said dead prostitute, and she gave me the details

MrStanza (7:11:52 PM): how’s she doing these days?

spiffygy (7:12:04 PM): Turns out she made an appearance in the film Ghost, and looks a lot like Patrick Swayze

spiffygy (7:12:11 PM): Who knew?

MrStanza (7:12:30 PM): good for her. Patrick Swayze is an attractive woman

 

SKRULLS VS. POWER PACK #1 (of 4)
Written by FRED VAN LENTE
Penciled by CORY HAMSCHER
Cover by GURIHIRU
Sssshh! There’s this invasion, see, and it’s a secret… No, no, not that one. I mean the one where dastardly SKRULLS impersonate Marvel’s premiere all-kids super hero team, commit crimes around the universe in their form, so intergalactic bounty hunters capture and imprison Alex, Julie, Jack and Katie in Space Juvie…the dreaded reform-school planet Hadith-VI! And the only ones with any hope of springing them are FRANKLIN RICHARDS, H.E.R.B.I.E., and SMARTSHIP FRIDAY!

MrStanza (7:13:18 PM): FINALLY, we get to the heart of Secret Invasion

MrStanza (7:13:23 PM): It’s about damn time

spiffygy (7:14:08 PM): What the fuck is Smartship Friday?

MrStanza (7:14:41 PM): It’s a take off His Girl Friday, starring Audrey Hepburn

MrStanza (7:15:28 PM): Basically, scientists from the future create a smart computer, then program it with combination of Hepburn’s personality and song lyrics by Jefferson Starship

MrStanza (7:15:37 PM): It’s actually a really cool character

spiffygy (7:16:00 PM): Wow, who wont buy this book then?

MrStanza (7:16:21 PM): the homeless, because they don’t have enough money

MrStanza (7:16:27 PM): Give to charity, folks

spiffygy (7:16:48 PM): And me, because while Smartship Friday sounds like the shit, HERBIE sucks all kinds of cock

MrStanza (7:17:01 PM): agreed

 

MARVEL COMICS PRESENTS #11
Written by MARK GUGGENHEIM, Ivan Brandon, B. CLAY MOORE & RICH KOSLOWSKI
Penciled by Francis Tsai, niko henrichon, LEE WEEKS & MARCO checchetto
Cover by dave wilkins
VANGUARD races to its conclusion: the mystery is solved, but who will survive to tell the tale? Meanwhile, Guardian confronts his tormentors in WEAPON OMEGA’s penultimate chapter; MACHINE MAN battles his past to save his sanity; and STINGRAY goes face-to-face with a horror from the deep!

spiffygy (7:17:24 PM): I wouldve ignored this….except….STINGRAY is involved!

MrStanza (7:17:38 PM): indeed, and he’s a great character

spiffygy (7:17:39 PM): For whatever reason I’ve always loved him, even though I couldnt tell you his real name

spiffygy (7:18:00 PM): But I tell you what: I would buy a mini series starring him EVEN if HERBIE was involved

MrStanza (7:18:10 PM): wow

MrStanza (7:18:14 PM): very big of you

spiffygy (7:18:25 PM): thats what she said

MrStanza (7:18:43 PM): she=Goki’s mom?

spiffygy (7:19:05 PM): I don’t want to lose a friend today, David

spiffygy (7:19:17 PM): So I will move on….I think this book is a good idea

spiffygy (7:19:32 PM): I always love little weird Presents/Team Up books, and its a good way to get new writers and artists in Marvel

spiffygy (7:19:37 PM): And for guys like Stingray to get a shot

 

 

SECRET INVASION #4 (of 8)
Written by BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS
Penciled by LEINIL FRANCIS YU
Cover by GABRIELE DELL’OTTO
Variant Cover by STEVE MCNIVEN
Variant Cover by LEINIL FRANCIS YU
Sketch Variant Cover by STEVE MCNIVEN
The world has turned upside down! The Skrulls have taken the Earth as part of their empire, the Avengers and Initiative are scattered…but there are two people who want some answers. One has a hammer and one has a shield.

spiffygy (7:20:53 PM): And also, dont pull a HERBIE and start sucking my dick, AA. Just days ago you said I wasnt worth an issue of Fables

MrStanza (7:21:08 PM): that still stands

spiffygy (7:21:43 PM): And what also still stands? My boner for Secret Invasion

MrStanza (7:22:00 PM): Mine is semi-flaccid

spiffygy (7:22:11 PM): It’s been awhile, and I agree that the tie-ins arent that impressive and that not a helluva lot has happened since #1, but I KNOW that this issue ups the ante once again

 

 

spiffygy (7:23:35 PM): I think Bucky and Thor will infuse some much needed excitement to this crossover and get it moving.

 

spiffygy (7:23:41 PM): We only have 4 issues left after this one.

spiffygy (7:23:59 PM): Unless the hammer and shield means someone else? Im so bad at guessing

MrStanza (7:24:06 PM): Well, I’ve already read this issue, so technically I’m the one who can say whether it ups the ante

MrStanza (7:24:11 PM): I won’t say however

spiffygy (7:24:13 PM): And?

spiffygy (7:24:15 PM): Aww

spiffygy (7:24:26 PM): Give me a tap on the ass if it does

MrStanza (7:24:58 PM): I’ll say that the solit is weak, but you should still buy it

 

MIGHTY AVENGERS #16
Written by BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS
Penciled by KHOI PHAM
Cover by MARKO DJURDJEVIC
SECRET INVASION TIE-IN!
ELEKTRA IS A SKRULL!! Words that have echoed through Marvel Comics for the last two years. But how did this happen and for how long has this been true? THE ANSWER IS HERE! Hint! She went down swinging. Plus the answer to the biggest question in modern Avengers history…

spiffygy (7:25:51 PM): Well, I hate that they put “Elektra is a skrull” in all caps at the beginning, because as they said, she has been uncovered for 2 years

MrStanza (7:26:20 PM): What is the biggest question in modern Avengers history, other than whether each Bendis issue will be amazing or disappointing?

spiffygy (7:26:40 PM): Is Jarvis dead? 😦

MrStanza (7:26:52 PM): that is a good question…

spiffygy (7:26:57 PM): When will Stingray lead the Avengers?

MrStanza (7:27:03 PM): Prediction: No to both

spiffygy (7:27:15 PM): No isn’t an answer to the latter

MrStanza (7:27:38 PM): It is, just not a gramatically correct one

MrStanza (7:28:28 PM): If Jarvis is dead, which I hope he isn’t, I hope they make the new Avengers butler a penguin

MrStanza (7:28:49 PM): then kill the penguin to bring back Jarvis

MrStanza (7:28:57 PM): it’d be a weird story, admittedly

MrStanza (7:29:01 PM): but it could work

spiffygy (7:29:11 PM): Especially if the entire world hated penguins as much as you, you weirdo

MrStanza (7:29:37 PM): I don’t hate them, they’re just overrated, like Bendis

spiffygy (7:29:45 PM): Dayum

MrStanza (7:29:50 PM): but like Bendis, penguins sell like crazy

MrStanza (7:30:24 PM): I’ll probably buy this reluctantly, to find out the big question and it’s answer

 

spiffygy (7:30:58 PM): And you’ll be roused by 24 pages of BIG BOLD LETTERS SAYING: 

 

spiffygy (7:31:06 PM): Answer: Daily Double

 

spiffygy (7:31:20 PM): Answer: WE GOT YOU TO BUY THIS PIECE OF SHIT

 

spiffygy (7:31:55 PM): Answer: Stingray will lead the Avengers in 2015, when Andy Greene takes comicdom by storm

 

spiffygy (7:32:11 PM): Answer: Jarvis isn’t dead, he’s just always been a skrull biding his time

 

spiffygy (7:33:07 PM): Answer: You’re tired of this, aren’t you?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NEW AVENGERS #43

 

Written by BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS
Penciled by BILLY TAN
Cover by ALEKSI BRICLOT
SECRET INVASION TIE-IN!
SPIDER-MAN VERSUS CAPTAIN AMERICA IN THE JUNGLES OF THE SAVAGE LAND! But who is who and what is what?? At least one of these people isn’t who they say they are. Plus a huge chapter in the Secret Invasion story as more information as to how the Skrulls set their major plans in motion is revealed…
Guest-starring Ka-Zar and Shanna and featuring spectacular artwork from rising star Billy Tan.

spiffygy (7:34:40 PM): Tan really is a rising star. His art in Uncanny X-Men is great. It’s really David Finch-y, which is a good thing

spiffygy (7:35:01 PM): Key words in this solit: At least one

spiffygy (7:35:05 PM): I bet they’re both bullshit 

MrStanza (7:35:03 PM): You know who else is a rising star?

spiffygy (7:35:10 PM): NOT Ka-Zar?

MrStanza (7:35:22 PM): I hope you’re right, and Shanna just kills them both

spiffygy (7:35:44 PM): I wish they actually made that mini series years ago MAX

spiffygy (7:35:57 PM): Tan’s star wouldnt have been the only thing rising

MrStanza (7:35:55 PM): that never happened?

spiffygy (7:36:07 PM): Naw, i think they made it in MK or regular MU

MrStanza (7:36:30 PM): I assumed it came and went while I was out of comics, followed by lots of fanboys doing the same

 

 

AVENGERS: THE INITIATIVE #15
Written by DAN SLOTT & CHRISTOS GAGE
Penciled by HARVEY TOLIBAO
Cover by MARK BROOKS
SECRET INVASION TIE-IN!
“The Only Good Skrull…”
With the NEW AVENGERS and the MIGHTY AVENGERS trapped in the Savage Land, it’s up to the AVENGERS INITIATIVE to face off against the first major strike of the Skrull Invasion! There, on the field of battle, the cadet with the biggest secret has to choose how red (or green) his blood really is. Heroes will fall. Heroes will die. And one shall rise. All THIS and: A new cowardly low for ANT-MAN! A new danger for WAR MACHINE! And 3-D MAN gains a “killer” new “krew”!

spiffygy (7:40:01 PM): “….is a DEAD Skrull”. Great title

spiffygy (7:40:04 PM): I couldnt NOT finish it

spiffygy (7:40:19 PM): Just like I couldnt NOT not get this

MrStanza (7:40:20 PM): actually, even though I won’t buy this, i did enjoy the solit

spiffygy (7:41:17 PM): Yeah, the first trade was actually quite good

spiffygy (7:41:31 PM): And I want to get this title regularly, so I shouldnt be mean to it

spiffygy (7:41:39 PM): Slott and Gage are a good team.

spiffygy (7:41:48 PM): Goki: I will get it, sirs!

spiffygy (7:41:50 PM): Thank god

MrStanza (7:42:09 PM): Well, if Goki’s on board…

SECRET INVASION: FRONT LINE #1 (of 5)
Written by BRIAN REED
Penciled by GG STUDIO’S MARCO CASTIELLO
Cover by JUAN DOE
As Skrull warships fill the skies, and heroes battle for their very survival in the Savage Land, the citizens of New York struggle to survive the worst day of their lives. Brian Reed (CAPTAIN MARVEL) and Marco Castiello bring you a stunning ground-level look at Secret Invasion!

MrStanza (7:42:51 PM): This has already been released, and you weren’t overly impressed, correct?

spiffygy (7:43:11 PM): Correct. It wasnt bad, but it didnt knock my socks off like Nova will/would/wont

spiffygy (7:43:37 PM): Its very much a disaster in NY comic, and has a bunch of regular people coping with Skrulls ruining their lives

spiffygy (7:43:50 PM): Which is okay, but not something that comes off as fresh as it could, I guess

spiffygy (7:43:58 PM): And Urich needs to be the sole focus, not in 1/3rd

MrStanza (7:44:46 PM): I think it’s hard to pull off a human interest story during an invasion arc like this

MrStanza (7:45:24 PM): I mean, in comic-time, NY is getting torn apart by a super villain every other day

spiffygy (7:45:32 PM): Exactly!

spiffygy (7:45:52 PM): The best point I think I’ve heard about this book, and Ive talked to a few people about it

MrStanza (7:46:17 PM): yeah, well, I usually am ahead of the curve

spiffygy (7:46:27 PM): That all said, I think Brian Reed’s a guy to watch. He co-wrote Illuminati, which ruled, and does a decent job in Ms. Marvel and did in the #1 issue. I think he’s a big gun in Marvel’s stable by next year

SECRET INVASION: RUNAWAYS/YOUNG AVENGERS #2 (of 3)
Written by CHRISTOPHER YOST
Art by TAKESHI MIYAZAWA
Cover by MICHAEL RYAN
Things look bleak for the future of the Marvel Universe. Xavin has turned on the Runaways. Hulkling is out of commission. Can the rest of the Runaways and Young Avengers keep it together? Heck, can they survive?

spiffygy (7:47:26 PM): Heck, yes they can

spiffygy (7:47:47 PM): And I really dont have any more insight in this. I may buy it, but I say that about everything

MrStanza (7:47:44 PM): This solit brings up a good point

MrStanza (7:47:59 PM): the word “heck” isn’t used enough these days

MrStanza (7:48:25 PM): I’m not promoting it because I’m at all averse to swearing, i just think it sounds nice

spiffygy (7:48:30 PM): And in “heck”‘s honor, we will use the word 12 times by the end of tonight!

MrStanza (7:48:38 PM): Heck yes we will!

spiffygy (7:48:48 PM): (thats 1, folks!)

 

SECRET INVASION: FANTASTIC FOUR #3 (of 3)
Written by Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa
Penciled by Barry Kitson
Cover by Alan Davis
“OPERATION: BREAK-IN!”
As the situation in the Negative Zone continues devolving, Ben and Johnny realize that their one chance to get back home resides with a criminal mastermind…trapped in Reed’s prison for non-registered heroes and villains! It’s the new Fantastic Four, True believers–the Thing, the Human Torch, Franklin, and Valeria–making one last-ditch attempt to save the Baxter Building from complete destruction!

MrStanza (7:49:37 PM): I admit that this is by no means great stuff, but if you really like FF history, I think you might enjoy this limited

MrStanza (7:49:54 PM): I’ll be around for #3

spiffygy (7:50:15 PM): I do like Franklin’s involvement, surprisingly

spiffygy (7:50:24 PM): But eh, I dont really care enough to see how this ends

spiffygy (7:50:34 PM): But I gotta admit: Im impressed that these mini’s are done in 3 issues

spiffygy (7:50:39 PM): Itd teach Bendis a lesson about being concise

MrStanza (7:50:51 PM): troof

BLACK PANTHER #39
Written by JASON AARON
Penciled by JEFTE PALO
Cover by JASON PEARSON
“SEE WAKANDA, AND DIE,” PART 1
3-part tie-in to “Secret Invasion,” written by guest-writer Jason Aaron (WOLVERINE)!
When the Skrulls come to town, it’s all-out war in Wakanda. The alien invaders have war ships, advanced technology, super-powered soldiers and an army that outnumbers the Wakandans ten to one. Cake walk, right? Think again. There’s a reason Wakanda had never been conquered – and the Skrulls are about to find out why-the hard way.

spiffygy (7:52:57 PM): Honestly: I want to buy this issue just for that cover

spiffygy (7:52:59 PM): Its awesome

MrStanza (7:53:34 PM): Agreed. It reminds me of an issue of Avengers Forever

spiffygy (7:54:00 PM): Damn, I might actually buy this

MrStanza (7:54:10 PM): Really, i just want to find a way back into this character, but realistically, it won’t be for SI

spiffygy (7:54:12 PM): A Wakanda/Skrull battle sounds cooler than any other tie-in, honestly

MrStanza (7:54:33 PM): Is Aaron who you read on Wolvy?

MrStanza (7:54:45 PM): or can you vouch for him on anything?

spiffygy (7:55:03 PM): Nah, that was Guggenheim

spiffygy (7:55:12 PM): And Millar, now

spiffygy (7:55:19 PM): I have no idea how Aaron is

spiffygy (7:55:21 PM): But he sounds familiar

spiffygy (7:55:27 PM): And I bet he’s better than the regular writer

MrStanza (7:55:45 PM): probably, from what I’ve heard

MrStanza (7:55:59 PM): I don’t know, we’ll see how big a week I have when this is released

MrStanza (7:56:08 PM): I just miss BP, so it’s possible

spiffygy (7:56:30 PM): Yeah, I added Green Arrow for that very reason

spiffygy (7:57:00 PM): But anyways, since theres a million SI crossovers, and nobody really cares about Captain Britain, were going to move on

INCREDIBLE HERCULES #119
Written by GREG PAK & FRED VAN LENTE
Penciled by RAFA SANDOVAL
Cover by JOHN ROMITA JR., KLAUS JANSON & DEAN WHITE
SECRET INVASION TIE-IN!
“SACRED INVASION” takes a shocking turn! Betrayed by one of their own, their strategy in shambles, Hercules and the God Squad find themselves marooned on a hostile world with countless hordes of alien slave-deities between them and their final goal of the Skrull pantheon! They have no choice but to fight against impossible odds for their very lives, for in this realm, gods can die, and in this issue — A GOD WILL DIE!

MrStanza (7:58:07 PM): I like the name “God Squad”

MrStanza (7:58:26 PM): there’s a small commission in the EPA with that same nickname, but I bet they’re not as cool

MrStanza (7:58:55 PM): Not EPA, but they oversee the ESA

MrStanza (7:58:56 PM): whatever

MrStanza (7:59:02 PM): Anyway, cool solit

spiffygy (7:59:13 PM): Which god dies?

MrStanza (7:59:17 PM): Herc is a good character, despite the fact i’ve never heard of him

spiffygy (7:59:26 PM): I think it’s his time to die too

MrStanza (8:00:17 PM): I don’t know the cast of character, but I’ll guess Hermes

MrStanza (8:00:37 PM): he was fairly useless in real mythology, so let’s kill him, if he even is in this comic

spiffygy (8:01:26 PM): I’m down

spiffygy (8:01:36 PM): Although I’m sticking with my bet on Hercules

MS. MARVEL #29
Written by BRIAN REED
Penciled by ADRIANA MELO
Cover by GREG HORN
SECRET INVASION continues here! Intergalactic war comes to the streets of Manhattan! As Ms. Marvel stands alone before the Skrull invasion, she must find the warrior within and stop an army of invincible killers!

MrStanza (8:02:35 PM): She’s a pretty lame superhero if she struggles to find the warrior within

spiffygy (8:02:58 PM): I’ll buy that….but come on…ITS AN ARMY OF INVINCIBLE KILLERS!?!

spiffygy (8:03:21 PM): Fuck that, the warrior within me is going to sit on the couch and watch Weeds

MrStanza (8:04:05 PM): the warrior within me is going to piss on a grand piano

 

MrStanza (8:04:40 PM): I don’t know why, but that’s my inner warrior’s first inclination

spiffygy (8:04:50 PM): Hey, my roommate did that. He also took his dick out in a cab on the way back from a frat party

MrStanza (8:05:02 PM): eh, who hasn’t?

spiffygy (8:05:03 PM): He really conquered the warrior within

spiffygy (8:05:07 PM): Troof

MrStanza (8:05:22 PM): If you can’t take your dick out in a cab, where can you take it out?

MrStanza (8:05:33 PM): At the opera house?

MrStanza (8:05:49 PM): I guess that’d work, but you don’t get the thrill of motion

MrStanza (8:06:19 PM): anyway, but this book to see if Carol takes her dick out

THUNDERBOLTS #122
Written by CHRISTOS GAGE
Penciled by Fernando Blanco
Cover by BILLY TAN
SECRET INVASION strikes Thunderbolts Mountain as Captain Marvel attacks! But when you’re dealing with the Thunderbolts, it’s never quite clear who’s the villain and who’s the hero…Also, another unexpected visitor shows up, threatening to tear the T-Bolts apart from within! Can Norman Osborn hold his team of damaged psyches and tortured souls together, or is this the end of the Thunderbolts as we know them? Part 1 of 4.

MrStanza (8:07:17 PM): Well, if it is the end of Thunderbolts as we know them, the next three parts of this story might be rather dull

spiffygy (8:08:01 PM): haha!

spiffygy (8:08:16 PM): I was kind of looking forward to saving my wallet by skipping this

spiffygy (8:08:25 PM): Because its not Ellis and Deodato

spiffygy (8:08:35 PM): But it does sound fun, and I want to know who the unexpected visitor is

spiffygy (8:08:41 PM): Prediction: HERBIE

MrStanza (8:09:04 PM): HERBIE is to Marvel as Batman is to DC, apparently

 

 

Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion to July Preview Reviews! Featuring lots of books with an “X” in them! It’s the end of the line for discussing July’s solits; will it also be the end of one of our writers’ life? Don’t miss the thrilling, pulse-pounding post that will change the blog forever! Brought to you by the classic team of the Long-Membered poster and the legendary Handsome Man!

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5 Responses to “July ’08 Preview Reviews: Marvel style (Part 1)”

  1. Christine Says:

    “MrStanza (6:27:39 PM): I prefer superheroes who can see at this point in my life”

    That’s pretty brutal. I suspect that violates the comics paragraph of the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990 or something. Yeah, I’m pretty sure Matt Murdock could sue your ass off for unlawful discrimination. 😉

    Seriously, even as a huge DD fan (as in have a blog devoted to the guy), the book is unusually great right now and you can totally jump onboard with the current arc. Just do it!

  2. spiffyithaca Says:

    Hahaha, I wish Murdock would sue David’s ass!

    Welcome to the blog Christine! I hope you stick around to see us break more ADA codes.

    And I have bought the two issues with Rucka involved and have not braved reading them, because I want to catch up first (I am missing about three arcs from when I stopped after I quit comics for a spell). But I will definitely tackle them soon, especially if it’s even better than usual DD, since usual DD is usually pretty frickin’ awesome.

  3. davidry214 Says:

    Haha, thanks Christine, I’m sure I deserved that. And you know what? You convinced me. I’ll try this month’s issue, since unlike Spiffy, I don’t really care about getting caught up on all that’s happened as long as it’s fairly accessible. Considering how much I liked what I’ve read from that creative team before, I imagine I’ll be hooked, even if they keep Matt blind 😉

    And if you’ll post us a link to your blog, I’d love to check it out.

  4. Christine Says:

    Hey there! Sorry, I didn’t see this until now. The link to my blog is the one that’s associated with my name, so just click that. Alternatively, do a Google search for “The Other Murdock Papers.” Or, well, just click HERE. Wow, so many options… 😉

    As for this storyline, I think it’s great that you’re picking up #109, just make sure to borrow Spiffy’s 107 and 108 first!

  5. Gokitalo Says:

    Long Halloween is great, by the way. Dark Victory is good too, although not quite as good.

    MrStanza (6:49:35 PM): I want to see a yellow Hulk

    spiffygy (6:49:42 PM): Oh who doesn’t?

    MrStanza (6:49:48 PM): and a blue Hulk that can fly when it eats shells

    spiffygy (6:50:04 PM): Notice how Marvel won’t do a black hulk

    spiffygy (6:50:08 PM): Totally racist.

    MrStanza (6:50:21 PM): wow, good point

    Looks like Millar heard you, Spiffy!

    MrStanza (7:22:26 PM): I tried the first issue, and until the most recent Mighty Avengers, it was the worst comic I’d read since I got back in

    Really? I don’t remember the first issue being that bad, to be honest.

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