Comics Are Hella Tight, Yo: Recommendations for 7/16/08

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Well whadda ya know, it’s only been 6 days since the last time comics graced us with our presence. Time flies when you read our solits (it took me an hour to reread them!). This week has some good stuff coming out, probably. Read on. But prepare yourself, this post sucks. If this post was a chick, you would only dock her.

Dark Horse Comics

Helm #1 (of 4): Helm: Hi, I am HELM! LORD OF HELM’s DEEP!

In all actuality, it’s probably lamer/cooler (depending on how wet the word Ent makes your dick).

(I hope I get at least one LOTR fan to buy this title)

DC

Cartoon Network Action Pack #27: I like how DC prices this at 2.25, a nice $.74 discount. DC loves the kiddies. Honestly: that’s pretty fucking cheap, and if you really want kids to read comics, make stuff like this cheaper.

Casey Blue Beyond Tomorrow #3 (of 6): I’m sure this book BLOWS beyond tomorrow. HEYO!

Final Crisis: Rogue’s Revenge #1 (of 3): A giant $4 page special coming from Final Crisis (in case you couldn’t figure that out), reuniting the orgasmic Flash creative team of yesteryear, Geoff Johns and Scott Kolins. I wasn’t that excited for FC tie-in’s, but after reading MM’s requiem last week and it being the best of the week, I have even higher hopes for this book. I love me some Captain Cold (do yourself a favor and buy the cover with Cold on it).

I Hate You More Than Anyone Vol 5: I swear this book comes out every week, and each week, it entices me to write something witty about it. But you know what? I fucking hate being manipulated into doing something. I HATE IT MORE THAN ANYTHING.

Image Comics

Frank Frazettas Swamp Demon (One Shot): There’s Swamp Thing, Man-Thing, swamps, Dagobeh, Etrigan, demons, Reaper and now we get the Howard Chaykin of Image Comics showing his vision of a swamp demon combo monster (or friend? you decide!). I bet you the $4 cover charge this is better than how shitty I believe it to be, and I also believe FF himself will respond to this post and make me look like a prick (which isn’t hard).

Marvel

Captain America: Cap vs. Cap is how Marvel is billing this issue. It’s setting up to be one of the biggest issues in the giant Death of Captain America story that Brubaker has undertaken. When catching up to this title, Brubaker and Epting’s gorgeous creation was my favorite title going, and this story is shaping up to be in the next 5 Comics We Love feature on this blog (or maybe even this one, since I have yet to post my final 4). Seriously folks, this is one of the best titles out there. Get on it. Buy the trades. Masturbate. Do my laundry. Sorry, I was on a roll.

Howard the Duck Omnibus: Marvel’s crew thought that the demand for a $100 collection of Howard would make sense. They’d be wrong. But RIP Steve Gerber.

Marvel 1985 #3 (of 6): Millar and Edwards’ awesome mini series continues. I don’t have much to say about this other than it’s fucking awesome.

Marvel Adventures Avengers #26: When AA and I were doing solits, this solit was one of the one’s that stood out the most, because of it’s cover depicting the Avengers playing baseball against Galactus. One of the most brilliant ideas, to be sure. What counteracts it? The fact that Storm and “Giant Girl” have a place on this team (believe it, I flipped through it at the store).

Moon Knight #20: Moon Knight vs. Werewolf By Night! Mike Deodato Jr.! Mike Benson! ‘Nuff said. Or so I would hope, but as per my comic book store guy this title sells “meh”. I take that as a representation of the world, so basically: buy this title. It’s great. And this is a giant sized issue featuring Werewolf By Night’s origin, or something. Yay? Yay!! For whatever reason, Werewolf By Night, like Stingray, is one of those characters I love in MU even though I know nothing about.

And oh, there was a second printing of Skaar: Son of Hulk. Now THERE’S something I should take more about.

Bizenghast Vol 5: The final volume of the comic that swept the nation. Taking place in the Byzantine Era, this comic follows the tale of Zen Master Ghast, in his quest to make a profit in the biz of gas. Now THAT’s how you create a comic from a title, folks. You can write your own conclusion, because to be frank, I don’t get paid enough for this shit.

Daemonium Vol 1 (of 3): I thought this said Dandemonium, and had so many things ready to stun the world by saying. Now? I got nothing. Fuck this title.

Dock Walloper Vol 1: Talk about an unfortunate name.  Sample entry from Urbandictionary.com on “docking”: “to place the foreskin of your dick over someone else’s penis head. As in, Dave and Richard enjoyed docking because it brought them closer together. “. Or, less nightmarish: “Putting your dick in a vag, and just letting it sit there. Practiced at BYU to prevent having sex.

Chris- Dude, you gonna bang that chick tonight night.
Verno- No, I’ll just dock it. “
Thanks to Urbandictionary.com, and I can only imagine what Dock Walloper’ing is all about. It sounds painful, and possibly life changing. Upon e-mail and telephone, H.O.O.P. (Hands Off Our Penises) has no comment on this frightful situation. Comics go anywhere.
Pals N Gals Double Digest: Talk about your double dose of porn. After taking on Dock Walloper, this is probably a lightheaded way to get your thrills.
Plastic Chew GN: Either this is about plastic tobacco, which sounds annoying, or it’s about…well, that’s all I can come up with, too.
Spiral Bonds of Reasoning GN: This week’s CRYPTIC TITLE OF THE WEEK. “Dave and Richard used their spiral bonds of reasoning to come closer together and fucking enjoyed that shit”.
Tank Girl: Visions of Booga #1: Tank Girl was made into a movie. TANK GIRL WAS MADE INTO A MOVIE. According to IMDB.com, it’s a cult classic. Judging by the rack on this Tank Girl, I can’t wait for visions of Booga.
Your And My Secret Vol 2 (of 4): In the biggest secret this side of Victoria, following Vol 1 where the secret was revealed between love lorn cousins (and oh boy it’s a doozy!), this volume has to do with the fallout that inevitably comes out of secret telling. After docking, the pair come closer, until OOPS! word lets out to the third cousin about the SECRET. What will happen next? That’ll be your and my secret.
Rough Stuff #9: Either this comic is about how a small town dealt with the tragic death of an 11 year old boy, or this is about how a small town dealt with the tragic death of an 12 year old boy, or this is about anal sex. Or the death of a parent, nuclear fallout, asphalt, love/divorce, the DOL or the airport.
Wow, after that mess, I’m sure all of you couldn’t wait for me to finish up and give you the lowdown on what I got. Spiffy bought: 1985, Mighty Avengers, Rogues Revenge, Captain America and Moon Knight. If he had seen Your And My Secret, he wouldn’t have bought it, still.
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2 Responses to “Comics Are Hella Tight, Yo: Recommendations for 7/16/08”

  1. davidry214 Says:

    Loved your Swamp Demon and Dock bits. So was Marvel Adventures actually a baseball game or not? And people will totally buy anything Howard the Duck.

    WHAT AA BOUGHT:

    Mighty Avengers #16: Marvel enticed me to stick around for this issue by throwing in at the end of the solit that the issue had the answer to one of the biggest questions in modern Avengers history. Well, the solit was full of shit (more on that in my review), but congrats Marvel on tricking me into getting this. Well done.

    Captain America #40: This is a good book, in case you haven’t heard.

    Final Crisis: Rogues Revenge #1: Requiem, the first Final Crisis tie-in, set the bar pretty high, but this has the creative team to live up to that standard.

    X-Factor #33: The Secret Invasion miniseries has been the shit so far, while nearly all of the tie-ins have just been shit. Can Peter David do better? I sure as fuck hope so.

    X-Force #5: Just so everyone is clear on how fickle I am: Marvel puts out an easily accessible mini spotlighting one of my favorite characters (focusing on the part of his history I derived my first internet moniker from, no less), and I pass it by. But dangle that same character in front of me again near the end of a story I haven’t been reading, and you bet your ass I’ll jump right in, even though I don’t know what’s going on. Feel free to ignore my opinions based on this bizarre double standard.

    WHAT AA SHOULD HAVE BOUGHT:

    Astro City: The Dark Age HC Book 1: Supposedly his ongoing series of Astro City miniseries is the zenith of Kurt Busiek’s impressive career. I tried the first issue of one of them once, and it was good, but I hadn’t read any previous ones, so while they’re fairly self-contained, I didn’t completely get it all. Maybe someday I’ll try to get them all, but honestly, it’d be a ways down my list.

    Scalped #19: If you read DC Preview Reviews, you know this is a special “sexy” issue of Scalped.

    Tiny Titans #6: Great comics, or greatest comic? I lean toward the latter.

    World of Warcraft #9: I’m only bringing this up because I’m currently writing this post at a coffee shop, because my house is overrun by friends of a friend here for the weekend, and about half of the 40 people staying with us, he knows from WoW. About half the people staying with us are really cool. In case you’re wondering, there is no overlap between the cool ones and the WoW people, whatsoever. I don’t care if we get angry WoW posters commenting on the blog now. I read comics, but I have a fucking life outside of them. Get some social skills, WoW players.

    Mice Templar #5: Sounds badass, honestly.

    Foolkiller: White Angels #1: Spiff and I talked some about this during Preview Reviews, and throughout the entire conversation, I thought the title was Footkiller. Other than that, I remember nothing about it.

    Helen Killer #3 (of 4): I guess this is a sequel to the life of Helen Keller, where she goes around the world killing blog writers who make fun of blind and mute superheroes. There’s only one issue left, so I’m fucked within a month.

    Oh My God Graphic Novel Vol. 1 I hope this is Vatican propaganda.

    Roadkill Zoo GN: I feel bad for the traumatized children who had to take a class field trip to that zoo.

    OK, the shop is closing, so that’ll be all for tonight. Love hard!

  2. spiffyithaca Says:

    I’m definitely looking forward to your review of X-Force, and you shitting on Mighty Avengers. I completely forgot about that part of the solit, which would’ve made me even angrier.

    Yeah, I think I did the same with Astro City and realized reading a random mini series is not giving it justice….so I’ve ignored it since. Sorry Kurt.

    Buy Tiny Titans already. Jeez you’re weird for it.

    Helen Killer made my first recommendations EVER, or one of the first, so I usually avoid repeats, but thanks for touching on it, because god knows we need to improve our ADA rep.

    Good stuff on “Oh My God” and Roadkill Zoo, as always.

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