Spiffy and AA talk TV

by

So, Saturday night, Spiffy started texting me incessantly about all kinds of shit, but his one noteworthy idea was he and I teaming up for a Previews Reviews-style post on the first week of season premieres from the fall TV schedule. Due to my lack of AIM on the computer I was using, we ended up on Facebook (he’s Andy, I’m Me). This was the result.

One of us was drunk, but I’m not telling who; try to guess for yourself.

Me

hey beuatiful.

11:46pmAndy

so are you hammered or is it really just the predictive texting?

11:46pmMe

I was talking to Katy Perry, not you

11:46pmAndy

she has great tatters

11:46pmMe

It might be both, bte

11:46pmAndy

cant believe russell brand landed that

11:46pmMe

He’s a legend

Her voice is awful

But fuck if i care

11:47pmAndy

yeah but shes catchy

11:47pmMe

I sing along with California Girls

11:47pmAndy

like the flu

11:47pmMe

not ashamed

11:47pmAndy

me neither, Ive sang along with all her singles, i think

11:47pmMe

She’s singing Teenade Dream now

11:47pmAndy

I Kissed a Girl was an institution at my house Junior year

black out me put it on repeat on the ipod during a party

11:47pmMe

Ironic, because you didn’t kiss any girls that year

HAHHAHAHAHAH

11:48pmAndy

….false

That was probably my best year

11:48pmMe

THIS SONG IS AMAZING

thank you snl

11:48pmAndy

oh shit SNL is on tonight

how was it?

11:48pmMe

still going

11:48pmAndy

notice how i can still say IS

ah

11:48pmMe

that’s where katy perry is

11:48pmAndy

so can you

lol

11:48pmMe

bitch

11:49pmAndy

youre a mean drunk

11:49pmMe

It’s been mediocre with a few really high points

(typical SNL)

11:49pmAndy

did the high points involve samberg?

11:49pmMe

Mostly Poehler, who hosted

and additional cameos I won’t ruin

11:49pmAndy

ah, ive never found her funny really outside of parks

thanks, ill go upstairs and record that bitch

11:51pmMe

So, what are we chatting about?

11:51pmAndy

well

I can answer your Tulo question

11:52pmMe

haha

11:52pmAndy

After 5 RBI’s tonight, including 3 insanely clutch hits

11:52pmMe

Another cameo

11:52pmAndy

he has 40, Babe Ruth has the record of 43

11:52pmMe

wow

11:52pmAndy

in September

11:52pmMe

nicely done Yulo

11:52pmAndy

i dont know what the record is for any month

11:52pmMe

haha

This is good

11:52pmAndy

is SNL always an hour and a half?

11:52pmMe

New ones

Reruns are an hour

too brief

(That segment, not full shows)

11:53pmAndy

gotcha

11:53pmMe

OK, what were we talking about?

11:53pmAndy

well Tulo, but we can move on

Yanks have lost 4 in a row. The Red Sox can sweep them tomorrow

Rays are up 1.5 games!

Ive seen every notable new show this week except Undercovers

11:54pmMe

Sox are still like 5.5 behind Yanks

11:54pmAndy

(NBC.com and DVR difficulties)

11:54pmMe

So your text earlier was silly

11:54pmAndy

lol it was silly, but it COULD happen

crazier things HAVE happened

11:54pmMe

Name seven

11:55pmAndy

You have a girlfriend, Goki’s semi attractive, the Mets collapse each of the past 2 years, the Rockies surge each of the past 2 years

And, Ive kissed a girl who’s been on TV

the Rockies and Mets are each 2 for each season

so 7

11:56pmMe

Well, the Mets wasn’t the past 2 years

But I’ll give it to you anyw3ay

11:56pmAndy

well you know the 2 years i meant

11:56pmMe

Who have you kissed on TV/

Chelsea Handler??

11:56pmAndy

Ty Burrell

11:56pmMe

nice

11:57pmAndy

lol, its lame. But I kissed, quite briefly, a girl named Nina in a taxicab one night. We were both real drunk. She is the girlfriend of Mike Lohan, Lindsay Lohan’s brother

11:57pmMe

I met a girl at a bar a coyple days ago who fucked the lead singer from Nickleback

11:57pmAndy

That family has had a reality show or two

And I saw the girl on one of the previews

11:57pmMe

Weird

The Lohans might kill you now

11:58pmAndy

I knew a girl who I think fucked all the people in Killers

lol, it was a very tepid kiss

11:58pmMe

including Katherine Heigl?

nice

11:58pmAndy

lol

11:58pmMe

I like her

11:58pmAndy

the band, silly

11:58pmMe

I’ve seen almost all her movies

11:58pmAndy

you suck for that

11:58pmMe

27 dressed?

I give it a D

FOR DELIGHTFUL

11:58pmAndy

i was waiting for something on that D

a double-D joke wouldve worked too, probs

11:59pmMe

no

So, the Middle East?

11:59pmAndy

What’s that about anyways?

Today
12:00amAndy

we didnt have to talk if you had more drinking/things to do

But I did like the idea of a preview reviews on TV

But I have to work early tomorrow on a really hellish shift that kills me every week

12:00amMe

oH, THAT’S WHWAT we’re doing?

Are you leaving already?

12:01amAndy

No, not yet

12:01amMe

Is that what’s happening?

Is that what you did to Lindsey Lohan’s sister?

Just fuck her and leave ehr”?

I feel so used

There better not be any cameras like that cab

12:02amAndy

…I was kissed by her brother’s girlfriend

lol

but it was a greeting kiss, i really just pumped it up to get to 7 crazy things

12:02amMe

No one cares

12:02amAndy

true

12:02amMe

What’s on comedy central?

12:02amAndy

American Pie

12:02amMe

Appears to be one of the Pies

12:02amAndy

wow, i rule

12:03amMe

the first opme?

Yes

12:03amAndy

I just guessed

12:03amMe

Were you really just guessing?

I refuse to believe you.

You knew.

12:03amAndy

Ive been seeing it on the guide a lot recently, but I didnt know what was on right now

so i just made the leap

12:03amMe

Like the Season 4 finale of HIMYM?

12:03amAndy

so what did you do tonight champ?

Just like that

12:04amMe

Some tequila, some mediocre sex

You?

12:04amAndy

lol

None of that

3 beers and the Rockies/Giants game

and a sandwich

12:05amMe

What kind of sandwich?

12:05amAndy

(with salami and pastrami, no less)

on a ciabatta roll

12:05amMe

sounds hott

12:05amAndy

with pepper jack cheese, lettuce and honey mustard

It gave me an erection

12:05amMe

ohhh

Me too

12:05amAndy

But not like the 7 i get for Michelle Rodriguez

12:05amMe

just hearing about iy

bleh

She’s a man, you realize

12:06amAndy

what, you think she

12:06amMe

has a dick?

yes

12:06amAndy

has a PENIS?!

12:06amMe

YES

12:06amAndy

Dude, shes a babe

12:06amMe

WITH A DICK

12:06amAndy

Yes, shes a badass chica, but no, she doesnt look manly, and she’s not that muscular

Sure, she can kick the piss out of us

But she’s real hott

Watch Machete

12:06amMe

Yeah, and then rape us with her giant penis

12:06amAndy

If not for her, for Jessica Alba

12:07amMe

Now Alba is penis-less

(I assume)

12:07amAndy

And to see Lindsay Lohan, who will come up in this convo 3 more times, and her boobs

12:07amMe

Mean Girls was an enjoyable movie

12:07amAndy

dude see Easy A

has my girl Emma Stone in it

great flick, bit girly, but funny

i know you grew up identifying with the scarlet letter

12:08amMe

I want to watch that, actually

The Scarlet Letter/ By hawthorne?

12:08amAndy

Well it comes Spiffy Approved, if that helps

yes

12:08amMe

Weird. I do like that book, though sure if “identify with: it is true

12:08amAndy

You havent committed adultery?

Not yet

You will in 2019

with Lindsay Lohan

12:09amMe

OK

I’m down with that, so long as she’s clean

12:10amAndy

Why do you think shell be screwing you?

She wont be clean

Like, she wont have taken a bath for a week

12:11amMe

I don’t bathe anymore

gave it up for lint

Thoguh admittedly, I don’t know when lint is

12:11amAndy

its every time you reach in your pockets, heyooo

12:11amMe

HAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAH
HAHAHA

HAHAHA

AHAHAHA

HAHAHA

SO FUCKING FUNNY

HA

HA

HA

AHAHA

HAHAH

…HA

12:12amAndy

It was pretty brill

12:12amMe

Don’t say brill

HA

12:12amAndy

BRILL

BRILL

BRILL

BRILL CREAM

BRILL-IANT

12:13amMe

I hate you and your belief system

12:13amAndy

did you see my community text?

I was disappointed not to see your enthused response

12:13amMe

Which one?

12:13amAndy

the one where the Christmas themed episode is going to be…..

wait for it…

in STOP MOTION ANIMATION a la RUDOLPH

12:14amMe

stop motion like rudpol?

I forgot to reply to that

12:14amAndy

Youre right, rudpol

12:14amMe

when I was done with the sexing, I had SIX texts from you

6!

So forgive me if I forgot to reply to one

12:14amAndy

Youre welcome

Im sure you were putting the over under at 3 while inserting your penis in her various orifices

I hope you took the over

😉;)

12:15amMe

I tried to go under

but no dice

anyway

…What are doing?

12:16amAndy

sorry it was mediocre. At least we know my fingers have as much stamina as you do

Actually, Im impressed, I think those 6 texts crossed around 2-3 hours

12:17amMe

Yeah, maybe I wasn’t sexing that entire time, but my stamina actually is legit

My penis is only average, so I have to get my rep somehow

12:18amAndy

Well played sir

12:18amMe

This is going to be a GREAT blog post, btw

12:18amAndy

lol

12:18amMe

Let’s talk about your penis now

12:18amAndy

HIMYM? Preview reviews?

12:18amMe

On a scale of One to Porn Star, what are you packing?

12:18amAndy

Half Porn Star

So 7 inches

which i take to be above average, but Im not too girth-y

12:20amMe

You have me beat

12:20amAndy

I still have to do work. My stamina varies wildly, as does my PBS

12:20amMe

Just 6

12:20amAndy

(Period Before Semen)

12:20amMe

lol

American Pie doesn’t hold up that well

But I do think it was an important film

12:20amAndy

True

First boobs I ever saw in a film

12:20amMe

In it’s willingness to do rated-R high school

12:21amAndy

I think my first ass was the chick in Starship Troopers

12:21amMe

Others might have doen that before, but not with the commercial success of AP

12:21amAndy

Yeah, I loved it

12:21amMe

My first boobs in film: Kate Winslett in Titanic

12:21amAndy

But Im sure if I watched it now it’d be kinda lame

12:21amMe

Ass? not sure.

12:21amAndy

Oh, maybe that was me too

Since I did see that when it came out

I was like 10 or something

12:22amMe

Samezies-ish.

Watched it with my sister and her friend.

AWKWARD.

12:22amAndy

did you touch yourself?

lol guess whos online

12:22amMe

Does adjusting count?

Please tell me Grey

Goki?

12:22amAndy

Tomas GRFUHFUhFUh! (Goki’s note- oh please, like I’m actually telling you Inter-pervs/lovely readers my last name. There are probably dozens of Andy Greenes in the world, and maybe four David Youngbloods, but there are only two Tomas GRFUhFUhFUhs! And now, back to Andy)

GRFUhFUhFUh Youngblood Greene could be a fun law firm (Goki’s note- SEE HOW MUCH BETTER THAT JOKE IS NOW)

12:23amMe

I messaged him

12:23amAndy

YES

12:23amMe

We’d be a shitty firm

12:23amAndy

“YES,” rather

12:23amMe

You don’t even have a law segree

12:23amAndy

No, but Im working on a degree

12:23amMe

On living with g-ma?

12:24amAndy

yeah dude, Im getting a masters in that

12:24amMe

American Pie does have a GREAT soundtrack

LOVE 90s music

12:24amAndy

I dont remember its music

12:25amMe

Me neither

lol

What is this song called?!

12:25amAndy

lol

12:25amMe

Ahhh, I’m not suick but I’m not well

12:25amAndy

“Buttfucking Piranhas”

oh that song rules

12:25amMe

And I’m so ___, tyhat I’m in hell)_

yeah, you know what I’m talking bout

12:26amAndy

i do

12:26amMe

Goki doesn’t give a shit, btw

\He said he hates you

12:26amAndy

Youre hurtful

Goki would never say that

12:26amMe

“Tomas
I HATE Andy”

Direct quote

12:27amAndy

yes, but you need to finish it

“Tomas
I HATE Andy Serkis”

12:27amMe

lol

That doesn’t sound like Goki

12:29amMe

I had to piss, but didn’t want to do to the toilet, so I pissed in my gf’s tupperware container thean put it in the sick as if dirty (which I guesss it is). Is that OK>

12:29amAndy

lol

thats AWESOME

whats your girlfriends name again?

Rita? Howitzer?

12:31amMe

Yes

Howitzer

Someday, Howitzer Youngblood

12:31amAndy

its cute

12:31amMe

I thought so

Her name is Jessie

Which can also be a guy’s name

Maybe I’m gay?

TO VBE CONTINEUD

12:32amAndy

lol

nah, that extra i saves you, i think

12:32amMe

There’s only one I

you’re being ridonkeyulous

12:34amAndy

your mission is to come up with a subtitle that is actually GOOD, Star Wars forbidden

while I shave real quick

12:36amMe

Wait, waht?

I don’t care about yourt doggam missions

You aint the boss of me

ILL HAVE WHAT SHES HAVING

There’s your subtitle, bitch

12:38amAndy

thats a famous movie line

12:39amMe

It is

thank you, Rob Reiner

12:39amAndy

How’d you know?

YOUVE UNCOVERED MY TRUE IDENTITY

12:40amMe

You’re fat, then

12:40amAndy

Now, shower me in strawberries and rub my nipples

12:40amMe

OK!!!!

12:40amAndy

Because thats what Rob Reiner does, apparently

12:40amMe

I mean … fine 😦:(

OHHH

The lead guy is fucling the pie

12:41amAndy

did you just cum?

12:41amMe

movie history being made!

12:41amAndy

Biggs

12:41amMe

Him too

12:41amAndy

Jason Biggs

Poor guy

Would never let it down

12:42amMe

Yeah, what a bitch

Remember him and Dawsons Creek guy in Jayt and Silent Bob Strike Back?

Fuckling HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!

12:42amAndy

Yes, I loved that scene

12:42amMe

!!!!!

!!!!!!

!!!!!!

12:42amAndy

Especially after having seen every episode of Dawson’s Creek

12:43amMe

what a gaywad

*With no disrepect to actual homosexuals

*I’m pro-gay marriage

*and gay military service. Better anyone else than me

12:44amAndy

*I’m pro-hitting you in the face with a hammer

12:44amMe

Ouch

That would hurt me

TARA REID USED TYO BE SO HOTT

12:44amAndy

But she was always a whorish cunt bitch-head

12:44amMe

I disagree’

12:45amAndy

although props to her for making fun of the fact on Scrubs

12:45amMe

“Tomas

My vagina wouldn’t be able to handle that level of manliness”

Actua; quote, btw

12:45amAndy

Are you talking about your penis with him now?

12:46amMe

Actually, no

We talked about how all us should meet

then I told him how you pussed out on me in May

And he said I shouldbn’t have told you I wanted to have your baby

And then something else ensured

12:47amAndy

Troof

12:47amMe

I don’y know what

12:47amAndy

Well, theres an off chance I may be in Austin this year

12:47amMe

Shannon Elizabeth = also hot

Me too, actually

When wil you be there?!!!

12:48amAndy

Man, Kevin Smith loved American Pie. Biggs, Elizabeth, William Scott

Well, I dont know, but I may go down there and help my grandpa move out of his place and westward

closer to family

his wife, my stepgrandma, just died, and he cant take care of himself

12:49amMe

wow

sorry for your loss (?)

12:49amAndy

Im okay, he’s not so much

He’s actually the ex-husband of my roommate, the infamous Granny

12:50amMe

poor guy

Wow

12:50amAndy

Grumps and Granny dude

12:50amMe

I feel like I’m getting so much insight

I’m also trying REALLY hard not to make jokes

so let’s move on before I be inappripriate

12:50amAndy

go for it

whats the new topic?

12:51amMe

I’ll be there Nov. 13

probably after you?

(Austin)

12:51amAndy

well like i said, I dont know when/if Ill be there

12:51amMe

OK

Let me know if you do ever know

12:51amAndy

there was talk of me going with my uncle to help him pack his shit

there was also talk of me taking care of him for a week or two before said move

he lives in Georgetown, actually, but close

12:52amMe

ok

12:52amAndy

45 minutes away if i remember correctly

12:52amMe

I don;t know where that is, other than the Georgetown near DC

OK

12:53amAndy

different one. though ive been to both!

yippeee

12:53amMe

neat

12:53amAndy

shit i sholdve looked up goki when i was in DC

12:53amMe

So I’m guessing it won’t be a month and ahalf from now

12:53amAndy

probably 2018

for your weding

12:53amMe

neat

12:53amAndy

DUDE

12:53amMe

But me wedding will probs be 2012

And as weird as this would be, I really would want you thtere

Yopu’re about my oldest friend I still talk to regularly

12:54amAndy

Which is fairly weird/awesome

12:54amMe

I know

Would you come?

12:54amAndy

Goki’s your best man, isn’t he?

THAT BASTARD

12:55amMe

No, but you’d be a borderline groomsman

12:55amAndy

I would definitely try to go. Obviously no promises since its just a vague future event

12:55amMe

teoof

12:55amAndy

Wow, Id have to be on my game not to make that seriously awkward

But I’d be IN

12:55amMe

Oh snaop, Elizatbeth Shannon is about to get naked if this weren;t comedy central

12:55amAndy

lol

12:56amMe

I really would want you there, whenever it is

But anyway

12:56amAndy

Either Goki will be my plus 1, or I’ll bring a midget or some other staple of slapstick comedy

12:56amMe

niii`ce

12:56amAndy

Well, I’m touched

And same to you

12:56amMe

They’re excessively blurring out her boobs

12:56amAndy

But marriage isnt really on the horizon for me any time soon

12:57amMe

One big blur from neck to navel

12:57amAndy

Dude, thats how big her boobs are

Duh

12:57amMe

lolz

12:57amAndy

I bet Goki gets married first

This sounds like a very mediocre buddy comedy

Maybe I’ll develop it

12:58amMe

Good

12:58amAndy

Most online relationships are about nerds trying to get laid with hot women that arent hot women or somehow are

12:58amMe

I’ve yet to read any of your writing

12:58amAndy

in TV/movies

this is about bro-dom

Except for my pithy stylings on Comic Castle, what up

12:59amMe

lol

I’m nearing pass-out mode, but trying to fight it off

12:59amAndy

Well, I can send both you and Goki my pilot and screenplay. Both early stage in development

so you guys could help out

1:00amMe

Which one features Will Arnett?

1:00amAndy

nah dude, go for it

1:00amMe

NO

1:00amAndy

Both, duh

1:00amMe

I need to finish DC at least

1:00amAndy

youre sobering up though

1:00amMe

I’m just going to delte all but the last issue ion the thinger

1:00amAndy

lame

1:00amMe

no

I’m not sobering at all

I kept taking tequila shots to stay on my game

1:01amAndy

Your drunk-ing?

1:01amMe

and it’s backfired

1:01amAndy

You sound way sober-er

1:01amMe

good

I can SO drive

1:01amAndy

Ah

1:01amMe

Oh snap

1:01amAndy

Thats as good as a lead in as any

1:02amMe

Elizabethj Shannon is about to do it )ish) with Biggs

1:02amAndy

I have 1/2 of the DUI’s that Vincent Jackson has

1:02amMe

Is it wrong to look up nude photos of a celeb on your gfs comp?

1:02amAndy

only if you get viruses

1:03amMe

TYou look it up first and link then, to nonvirus shit

1:03amAndy

Shannon Elizabeth?

1:03amMe

yessir

(and mayeb Jason Biggs ;))

haha, he’s slapping his own ass

I dothat too!

1:04amAndy

http://www.felttube.com/files/photos/b7892fb3c2f009cL.jpg

1:04amMe

Masn, pissing in tupperware is awesome!

I may never go back to toilers again

1:04amAndy

i dont wanna scavenge-porn for you

1:04amMe

Wow, nicely done

1:04amAndy

so that image is it

1:04amMe

one more?

Uno mas???!

1:05amMe

JUST ONE MORE????!!!!!

1:05amAndy

This one is taken after I ejaculated

http://www.felttube.com/files/photos/b7892fb3c2f009cL.jpg

whoops

http://sexandpoker.com/files/2009/03/shannon-elizabeth-nude-foam.jpg

1:06amMe

lolz

Wel … brb 😉;)

1:06amAndy

ew

I gotta go man

I got the worst work shift of my week tomorrow bright and early

1:08amMe

ass

You best post all this shit

Me

hey beuatiful.

11:46pmAndy

so are you hammered or is it really just the predictive texting?

11:46pmMe

I was talking to Katy Perry, not you

11:46pmAndy

she has great tatters

11:46pmMe

It might be both, bte

11:46pmAndy

cant believe russell brand landed that

11:46pmMe

He’s a legend

Her voice is awful

But fuck if i care

11:47pmAndy

yeah but shes catchy

11:47pmMe

I sing along with California Girls

11:47pmAndy

like the flu

11:47pmMe

not ashamed

11:47pmAndy

me neither, Ive sang along with all her singles, i think

11:47pmMe

She’s singing Teenade Dream now

11:47pmAndy

I Kissed a Girl was an institution at my house Junior year

black out me put it on repeat on the ipod during a party

11:47pmMe

Ironic, because you didn’t kiss any girls that year

HAHHAHAHAHAH

11:48pmAndy

….false

That was probably my best year

11:48pmMe

THIS SONG IS AMAZING

thank you snl

11:48pmAndy

oh shit SNL is on tonight

how was it?

11:48pmMe

still going

11:48pmAndy

notice how i can still say IS

ah

11:48pmMe

that’s where katy perry is

11:48pmAndy

so can you

lol

11:48pmMe

bitch

11:49pmAndy

youre a mean drunk

11:49pmMe

It’s been mediocre with a few really high points

(typical SNL)

11:49pmAndy

did the high points involve samberg?

11:49pmMe

Mostly Poehler, who hosted

and additional cameos I won’t ruin

11:49pmAndy

ah, ive never found her funny really outside of parks

thanks, ill go upstairs and record that bitch

11:51pmMe

So, what are we chatting about?

11:51pmAndy

well

I can answer your Tulo question

11:52pmMe

haha

11:52pmAndy

After 5 RBI’s tonight, including 3 insanely clutch hits

11:52pmMe

Another cameo

11:52pmAndy

he has 40, Babe Ruth has the record of 43

11:52pmMe

wow

11:52pmAndy

in September

11:52pmMe

nicely done Yulo

11:52pmAndy

i dont know what the record is for any month

11:52pmMe

haha

This is good

11:52pmAndy

is SNL always an hour and a half?

11:52pmMe

New ones

Reruns are an hour

too brief

(That segment, not full shows)

11:53pmAndy

gotcha

11:53pmMe

OK, what were we talking about?

11:53pmAndy

well Tulo, but we can move on

Yanks have lost 4 in a row. The Red Sox can sweep them tomorrow

Rays are up 1.5 games!

Ive seen every notable new show this week except Undercovers

11:54pmMe

Sox are still like 5.5 behind Yanks

11:54pmAndy

(NBC.com and DVR difficulties)

11:54pmMe

So your text earlier was silly

11:54pmAndy

lol it was silly, but it COULD happen

crazier things HAVE happened

11:54pmMe

Name seven

11:55pmAndy

You have a girlfriend, Goki’s semi attractive, the Mets collapse each of the past 2 years, the Rockies surge each of the past 2 years

And, Ive kissed a girl who’s been on TV

the Rockies and Mets are each 2 for each season

so 7

11:56pmMe

Well, the Mets wasn’t the past 2 years

But I’ll give it to you anyw3ay

11:56pmAndy

well you know the 2 years i meant

11:56pmMe

Who have you kissed on TV/

Chelsea Handler??

11:56pmAndy

Ty Burrell

11:56pmMe

nice

11:57pmAndy

lol, its lame. But I kissed, quite briefly, a girl named Nina in a taxicab one night. We were both real drunk. She is the girlfriend of Mike Lohan, Lindsay Lohan’s brother

11:57pmMe

I met a girl at a bar a coyple days ago who fucked the lead singer from Nickleback

11:57pmAndy

That family has had a reality show or two

And I saw the girl on one of the previews

11:57pmMe

Weird

The Lohans might kill you now

11:58pmAndy

I knew a girl who I think fucked all the people in Killers

lol, it was a very tepid kiss

11:58pmMe

including Katherine Heigl?

nice

11:58pmAndy

lol

11:58pmMe

I like her

11:58pmAndy

the band, silly

11:58pmMe

I’ve seen almost all her movies

11:58pmAndy

you suck for that

11:58pmMe

27 dressed?

I give it a D

FOR DELIGHTFUL

11:58pmAndy

i was waiting for something on that D

a double-D joke wouldve worked too, probs

11:59pmMe

no

So, the Middle East?

11:59pmAndy

What’s that about anyways?

Today
12:00amAndy

we didnt have to talk if you had more drinking/things to do

But I did like the idea of a preview reviews on TV

But I have to work early tomorrow on a really hellish shift that kills me every week

12:00amMe

oH, THAT’S WHWAT we’re doing?

Are you leaving already?

12:01amAndy

No, not yet

12:01amMe

Is that what’s happening?

Is that what you did to Lindsey Lohan’s sister?

Just fuck her and leave ehr”?

I feel so used

There better not be any cameras like that cab

12:02amAndy

…I was kissed by her brother’s girlfriend

lol

but it was a greeting kiss, i really just pumped it up to get to 7 crazy things

12:02amMe

No one cares

12:02amAndy

true

12:02amMe

What’s on comedy central?

12:02amAndy

American Pie

12:02amMe

Appears to be one of the Pies

12:02amAndy

wow, i rule

12:03amMe

the first opme?

Yes

12:03amAndy

I just guessed

12:03amMe

Were you really just guessing?

I refuse to believe you.

You knew.

12:03amAndy

Ive been seeing it on the guide a lot recently, but I didnt know what was on right now

so i just made the leap

12:03amMe

Like the Season 4 finale of HIMYM?

12:03amAndy

so what did you do tonight champ?

Just like that

12:04amMe

Some tequila, some mediocre sex

You?

12:04amAndy

lol

None of that

3 beers and the Rockies/Giants game

and a sandwich

12:05amMe

What kind of sandwich?

12:05amAndy

(with salami and pastrami, no less)

on a ciabatta roll

12:05amMe

sounds hott

12:05amAndy

with pepper jack cheese, lettuce and honey mustard

It gave me an erection

12:05amMe

ohhh

Me too

12:05amAndy

But not like the 7 i get for Michelle Rodriguez

12:05amMe

just hearing about iy

bleh

She’s a man, you realize

12:06amAndy

what, you think she

12:06amMe

has a dick?

yes

12:06amAndy

has a PENIS?!

12:06amMe

YES

12:06amAndy

Dude, shes a babe

12:06amMe

WITH A DICK

12:06amAndy

Yes, shes a badass chica, but no, she doesnt look manly, and she’s not that muscular

Sure, she can kick the piss out of us

But she’s real hott

Watch Machete

12:06amMe

Yeah, and then rape us with her giant penis

12:06amAndy

If not for her, for Jessica Alba

12:07amMe

Now Alba is penis-less

(I assume)

12:07amAndy

And to see Lindsay Lohan, who will come up in this convo 3 more times, and her boobs

12:07amMe

Mean Girls was an enjoyable movie

12:07amAndy

dude see Easy A

has my girl Emma Stone in it

great flick, bit girly, but funny

i know you grew up identifying with the scarlet letter

12:08amMe

I want to watch that, actually

The Scarlet Letter/ By hawthorne?

12:08amAndy

Well it comes Spiffy Approved, if that helps

yes

12:08amMe

Weird. I do like that book, though sure if “identify with: it is true

12:08amAndy

You havent committed adultery?

Not yet

You will in 2019

with Lindsay Lohan

12:09amMe

OK

I’m down with that, so long as she’s clean

12:10amAndy

Why do you think shell be screwing you?

She wont be clean

Like, she wont have taken a bath for a week

12:11amMe

I don’t bathe anymore

gave it up for lint

Thoguh admittedly, I don’t know when lint is

12:11amAndy

its every time you reach in your pockets, heyooo

12:11amMe

HAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAH
HAHAHA

HAHAHA

AHAHAHA

HAHAHA

SO FUCKING FUNNY

HA

HA

HA

AHAHA

HAHAH

…HA

12:12amAndy

It was pretty brill

12:12amMe

Don’t say brill

HA

12:12amAndy

BRILL

BRILL

BRILL

BRILL CREAM

BRILL-IANT

12:13amMe

I hate you and your belief system

12:13amAndy

did you see my community text?

I was disappointed not to see your enthused response

12:13amMe

Which one?

12:13amAndy

the one where the Christmas themed episode is going to be…..

wait for it…

in STOP MOTION ANIMATION a la RUDOLPH

12:14amMe

stop motion like rudpol?

I forgot to reply to that

12:14amAndy

Youre right, rudpol

12:14amMe

when I was done with the sexing, I had SIX texts from you

6!

So forgive me if I forgot to reply to one

12:14amAndy

Youre welcome

Im sure you were putting the over under at 3 while inserting your penis in her various orifices

I hope you took the over

😉;)

12:15amMe

I tried to go under

but no dice

anyway

…What are doing?

12:16amAndy

sorry it was mediocre. At least we know my fingers have as much stamina as you do

Actually, Im impressed, I think those 6 texts crossed around 2-3 hours

12:17amMe

Yeah, maybe I wasn’t sexing that entire time, but my stamina actually is legit

My penis is only average, so I have to get my rep somehow

12:18amAndy

Well played sir

12:18amMe

This is going to be a GREAT blog post, btw

12:18amAndy

lol

12:18amMe

Let’s talk about your penis now

12:18amAndy

HIMYM? Preview reviews?

12:18amMe

On a scale of One to Porn Star, what are you packing?

12:18amAndy

Half Porn Star

So 7 inches

which i take to be above average, but Im not too girth-y

12:20amMe

You have me beat

12:20amAndy

I still have to do work. My stamina varies wildly, as does my PBS

12:20amMe

Just 6

12:20amAndy

(Period Before Semen)

12:20amMe

lol

American Pie doesn’t hold up that well

But I do think it was an important film

12:20amAndy

True

First boobs I ever saw in a film

12:20amMe

In it’s willingness to do rated-R high school

12:21amAndy

I think my first ass was the chick in Starship Troopers

12:21amMe

Others might have doen that before, but not with the commercial success of AP

12:21amAndy

Yeah, I loved it

12:21amMe

My first boobs in film: Kate Winslett in Titanic

12:21amAndy

But Im sure if I watched it now it’d be kinda lame

12:21amMe

Ass? not sure.

12:21amAndy

Oh, maybe that was me too

Since I did see that when it came out

I was like 10 or something

12:22amMe

Samezies-ish.

Watched it with my sister and her friend.

AWKWARD.

12:22amAndy

did you touch yourself?

lol guess whos online

12:22amMe

Does adjusting count?

Please tell me Grey

Goki?

12:22amAndy

Tomas Balino!

Balino Youngblood Greene could be a fun law firm

12:23amMe

I messaged him

12:23amAndy

YES

12:23amMe

We’d be a shitty firm

12:23amAndy

“YES,” rather

12:23amMe

You don’t even have a law segree

12:23amAndy

No, but Im working on a degree

12:23amMe

On living with g-ma?

12:24amAndy

yeah dude, Im getting a masters in that

12:24amMe

American Pie does have a GREAT soundtrack

LOVE 90s music

12:24amAndy

I dont remember its music

12:25amMe

Me neither

lol

What is this song called?!

12:25amAndy

lol

12:25amMe

Ahhh, I’m not suick but I’m not well

12:25amAndy

“Buttfucking Piranhas”

oh that song rules

12:25amMe

And I’m so ___, tyhat I’m in hell)_

yeah, you know what I’m talking bout

12:26amAndy

i do

12:26amMe

Goki doesn’t give a shit, btw

\He said he hates you

12:26amAndy

Youre hurtful

Goki would never say that

12:26amMe

“Tomas
I HATE Andy”

Direct quote

12:27amAndy

yes, but you need to finish it

“Tomas
I HATE Andy Serkis”

12:27amMe

lol

That doesn’t sound like Goki

12:29amMe

I had to piss, but didn’t want to do to the toilet, so I pissed in my gf’s tupperware container thean put it in the sick as if dirty (which I guesss it is). Is that OK>

12:29amAndy

lol

thats AWESOME

whats your girlfriends name again?

Rita? Howitzer?

12:31amMe

Yes

Howitzer

Someday, Howitzer Youngblood

12:31amAndy

its cute

12:31amMe

I thought so

Her name is Jessie

Which can also be a guy’s name

Maybe I’m gay?

TO VBE CONTINEUD

12:32amAndy

lol

nah, that extra i saves you, i think

12:32amMe

There’s only one I

you’re being ridonkeyulous

12:34amAndy

your mission is to come up with a subtitle that is actually GOOD, Star Wars forbidden

while I shave real quick

12:36amMe

Wait, waht?

I don’t care about yourt doggam missions

You aint the boss of me

ILL HAVE WHAT SHES HAVING

There’s your subtitle, bitch

12:38amAndy

thats a famous movie line

12:39amMe

It is

thank you, Rob Reiner

12:39amAndy

How’d you know?

YOUVE UNCOVERED MY TRUE IDENTITY

12:40amMe

You’re fat, then

12:40amAndy

Now, shower me in strawberries and rub my nipples

12:40amMe

OK!!!!

12:40amAndy

Because thats what Rob Reiner does, apparently

12:40amMe

I mean … fine 😦:(

OHHH

The lead guy is fucling the pie

12:41amAndy

did you just cum?

12:41amMe

movie history being made!

12:41amAndy

Biggs

12:41amMe

Him too

12:41amAndy

Jason Biggs

Poor guy

Would never let it down

12:42amMe

Yeah, what a bitch

Remember him and Dawsons Creek guy in Jayt and Silent Bob Strike Back?

Fuckling HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!

12:42amAndy

Yes, I loved that scene

12:42amMe

!!!!!

!!!!!!

!!!!!!

12:42amAndy

Especially after having seen every episode of Dawson’s Creek

12:43amMe

what a gaywad

*With no disrepect to actual homosexuals

*I’m pro-gay marriage

*and gay military service. Better anyone else than me

12:44amAndy

*I’m pro-hitting you in the face with a hammer

12:44amMe

Ouch

That would hurt me

TARA REID USED TYO BE SO HOTT

12:44amAndy

But she was always a whorish cunt bitch-head

12:44amMe

I disagree’

12:45amAndy

although props to her for making fun of the fact on Scrubs

12:45amMe

“Tomas

My vagina wouldn’t be able to handle that level of manliness”

Actua; quote, btw

12:45amAndy

Are you talking about your penis with him now?

12:46amMe

Actually, no

We talked about how all us should meet

then I told him how you pussed out on me in May

And he said I shouldbn’t have told you I wanted to have your baby

And then something else ensured

12:47amAndy

Troof

12:47amMe

I don’y know what

12:47amAndy

Well, theres an off chance I may be in Austin this year

12:47amMe

Shannon Elizabeth = also hot

Me too, actually

When wil you be there?!!!

12:48amAndy

Man, Kevin Smith loved American Pie. Biggs, Elizabeth, William Scott

Well, I dont know, but I may go down there and help my grandpa move out of his place and westward

closer to family

his wife, my stepgrandma, just died, and he cant take care of himself

12:49amMe

wow

sorry for your loss (?)

12:49amAndy

Im okay, he’s not so much

He’s actually the ex-husband of my roommate, the infamous Granny

12:50amMe

poor guy

Wow

12:50amAndy

Grumps and Granny dude

12:50amMe

I feel like I’m getting so much insight

I’m also trying REALLY hard not to make jokes

so let’s move on before I be inappripriate

12:50amAndy

go for it

whats the new topic?

12:51amMe

I’ll be there Nov. 13

probably after you?

(Austin)

12:51amAndy

well like i said, I dont know when/if Ill be there

12:51amMe

OK

Let me know if you do ever know

12:51amAndy

there was talk of me going with my uncle to help him pack his shit

there was also talk of me taking care of him for a week or two before said move

he lives in Georgetown, actually, but close

12:52amMe

ok

12:52amAndy

45 minutes away if i remember correctly

12:52amMe

I don;t know where that is, other than the Georgetown near DC

OK

12:53amAndy

different one. though ive been to both!

yippeee

12:53amMe

neat

12:53amAndy

shit i sholdve looked up goki when i was in DC

12:53amMe

So I’m guessing it won’t be a month and ahalf from now

12:53amAndy

probably 2018

for your weding

12:53amMe

neat

12:53amAndy

DUDE

12:53amMe

But me wedding will probs be 2012

And as weird as this would be, I really would want you thtere

Yopu’re about my oldest friend I still talk to regularly

12:54amAndy

Which is fairly weird/awesome

12:54amMe

I know

Would you come?

12:54amAndy

Goki’s your best man, isn’t he?

THAT BASTARD

12:55amMe

No, but you’d be a borderline groomsman

12:55amAndy

I would definitely try to go. Obviously no promises since its just a vague future event

12:55amMe

teoof

12:55amAndy

Wow, Id have to be on my game not to make that seriously awkward

But I’d be IN

12:55amMe

Oh snaop, Elizatbeth Shannon is about to get naked if this weren;t comedy central

12:55amAndy

lol

12:56amMe

I really would want you there, whenever it is

But anyway

12:56amAndy

Either Goki will be my plus 1, or I’ll bring a midget or some other staple of slapstick comedy

12:56amMe

niii`ce

12:56amAndy

Well, I’m touched

And same to you

12:56amMe

They’re excessively blurring out her boobs

12:56amAndy

But marriage isnt really on the horizon for me any time soon

12:57amMe

One big blur from neck to navel

12:57amAndy

Dude, thats how big her boobs are

Duh

12:57amMe

lolz

12:57amAndy

I bet Goki gets married first

This sounds like a very mediocre buddy comedy

Maybe I’ll develop it

12:58amMe

Good

12:58amAndy

Most online relationships are about nerds trying to get laid with hot women that arent hot women or somehow are

12:58amMe

I’ve yet to read any of your writing

12:58amAndy

in TV/movies

this is about bro-dom

Except for my pithy stylings on Comic Castle, what up

12:59amMe

lol

I’m nearing pass-out mode, but trying to fight it off

12:59amAndy

Well, I can send both you and Goki my pilot and screenplay. Both early stage in development

so you guys could help out

1:00amMe

Which one features Will Arnett?

1:00amAndy

nah dude, go for it

1:00amMe

NO

1:00amAndy

Both, duh

1:00amMe

I need to finish DC at least

1:00amAndy

youre sobering up though

1:00amMe

I’m just going to delte all but the last issue ion the thinger

1:00amAndy

lame

1:00amMe

no

I’m not sobering at all

I kept taking tequila shots to stay on my game

1:01amAndy

Your drunk-ing?

1:01amMe

and it’s backfired

1:01amAndy

You sound way sober-er

1:01amMe

good

I can SO drive

1:01amAndy

Ah

1:01amMe

Oh snap

1:01amAndy

Thats as good as a lead in as any

1:02amMe

Elizabethj Shannon is about to do it )ish) with Biggs

1:02amAndy

I have 1/2 of the DUI’s that Vincent Jackson has

1:02amMe

Is it wrong to look up nude photos of a celeb on your gfs comp?

1:02amAndy

only if you get viruses

1:03amMe

TYou look it up first and link then, to nonvirus shit

1:03amAndy

Shannon Elizabeth?

1:03amMe

yessir

(and mayeb Jason Biggs ;))

haha, he’s slapping his own ass

I dothat too!

1:04amAndy

http://www.felttube.com/files/photos/b7892fb3c2f009cL.jpg

1:04amMe

Masn, pissing in tupperware is awesome!

I may never go back to toilers again

1:04amAndy

i dont wanna scavenge-porn for you

1:04amMe

Wow, nicely done

1:04amAndy

so that image is it

1:04amMe

one more?

Uno mas???!

1:05amMe

JUST ONE MORE????!!!!!

1:05amAndy

This one is taken after I ejaculated

http://www.felttube.com/files/photos/b7892fb3c2f009cL.jpg

whoops

http://sexandpoker.com/files/2009/03/shannon-elizabeth-nude-foam.jpg

1:06amMe

lolz

Wel … brb 😉;)

1:06amAndy

ew

I gotta go man

I got the worst work shift of my week tomorrow bright and early

1:08amMe

ass

You best post all this shit

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2 Responses to “Spiffy and AA talk TV”

  1. Gokitalo Says:

    your mission is to come up with a subtitle that is actually GOOD Star Wars forbiddenwhile I shave real quick

    What?! That’s the same thing you sent to me, you lazy–

    Oh snaop, Elizatbeth Shannon is about to get naked if this weren;t comedy central

    This isn’t Comedy Central, this is GOKI’S GIVING… oh wait

    I like how we were all watching censored American Pie on Comedy Central last night, though. And it makes me wonder what Shannon Elizabeth’s doing now (other than not Bigg). I didn’t even know she was on Dancing With the Stars in ’08. I do remember she was in The Ultimates with Tony Stark in spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace

    And clearly, she forgot to bring a towel to Spiffy’s party

  2. Gokitalo Says:

    she has great tatters

    If she has kids, I’ll call ’em tatter tots

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